i want dc3, dh doesn't. what to do?

[lovelylentils]

Sorry if this is completely insensitive. I know that lots of people here would love to conceive dc1 never mind dc3 but feeling a bit confused.

We have two gorgeous dc. It took 17 months to concieve dc1 and dc2 came along 20months later.

Last month i thought i might be preg with dc3 (not planned). Dh said he doesn't want dc 3 but thinking i might be then realising i wasn't made me really think how much i want another dc.

dh says 3 is too many (for us financially and he just feels like we can devote more time to two than 3) Any thoughts?

[Diggerstreets]

DH and I have had this conversation before. I would love to have 3, and before we had our 2 DC he was all up for it. But I think the reality of having 3 children just isn't what he wants, for the same reason your DH gives e.g; too expensive, not as much time to devote to all 3. He is entitled to change his mind, but from personal experience it does hurt to hear the words 'no more.' Not sure if that's of any help, but this is just what I have experienced.

[mindgone]

I found this thread by accident! I felt exactly the same, but I eventually got over it. We now have two great(on a good day!) teenage sons. I really think that there are a lot of benefits of having two rather than three children. They also get so much more expensive as they get older! I know they don't NEED as much as most seem to get these days, but school trips etc are so expensive, and its hard to not let them go, when all their friends are going, and you know it would be so beneficial for them. Also we have had private tutors for our eldest when he has needed a boost, also harder to do when money is stretched further. Family holidays, with three children, you'll need to get an additional bedroom. I don't mean to be a doom merchant, just to give a different perspective from a different stage. HTH

[scottishmummy]

family is by negotiation no woman entitled to more
if your dp says no you have to listen
Esp if he main earner.you need to be pragmatic.as a couple you negotiate

[mylittlemonkey]

I am currently pg with our 2nd but have always known I wanted 3 as I come from a family of 5 children and the support we have all given each other over our lives has been to me the best thing you could ever give your children and far more significant than things that can be bought. My DH however is quite sure he only wants the two. We both work and have a reasonable income between us. I do see both sides and want all my children to have the things they need and these things cost money ESP with the uni fees being what they are now. We did not have much as children in terms of nice clothes and things and never had much for Xmas or birthdays etc but we did always have the important things and whilst i used go hate mot having nice things when i was younger i could never thank my mum enough for giving me 4 other siblings.

of course you can never guarantee you children will get on or not move away from each other but on balance I do feel that the support and companionship your children will hopefully get from a bigger family, especially as they get older outweighs. I suspect it is a debate I will be having with my DH in a few years time. However, if he says he really does not want another then I would have to respect his wishes.

[Fay30]

Myself, I would stick with 2, and be knowing that the two I have, would get the best start in life with education, trips abroard, family time etc.
Three, although not selfish, is going to put more strain on your relationship.
There can be only one real head of the household, and at the end of the day, I feel you ought to listen to him, and be content with 2.
Perhaps what you didn't want to hear, but be happy with 2, and remain a happy close family.
fay

[Mummyoftwo12]

I was in the same position as you. I have 2 children to my ex and my OH has none. He was very happy and content with bringing up mine as they were so young. 18months and 6 months. He didn't want anymore children than the 2 we have. I really wanted 1 more child, but I left it at that as didn't want to force him into something he didn't want. 2 months ago, we thought I was pregnant and he was actually so excited and happy, and he now wants a child of his own so we are trying for our 3rd. Luckily I have my own business and he has a good trade so we are fine with money and never struggle, we have great help from his parents who always help with childcare as I'm working and at college in the eve doing hairdressing. I didn't think we would get to the stage of actually him wanting another child and have waited patiently.

Just give it a little time, he may change his mind. On the other hand, if my children were his by blood I wouldn't have anymore as I think 2 is enough but as he has no children, nor his mum & dad have no grandchildren it's great so a 3rd is fine. Things will get expensive, holidays, cars, bigger house etc so just sit down and think about it and have a talk. X x x

[Leafmould]

Op, hello! I too would like dc3. My partner has been saying no for a long time, but we had a chat about it recently, and I told him how I felt about it, and how it would affect our 2dc, what it would be like more when they are a bit older. We even discussed adopting. I think that he can see that it it is not a baby that I want, it's another child, another person in our lives, and that is different for him.

I am quite surprised at Faye 30's post. What happened to partnership? I don't agree that there is only one head of household, and I think that it is sexist to assume that the man of the house should be so. I am very much the head of this household in certain aspects... I am in charge of the washing and the cleaning and the rent. My dp is in charge of the food, the bills and the cars.

With respect to children, it is not a decision for one person to do some Maths and make. . . There is a place in the decision making process for the emotional aspect to be given weight to.