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TTC after recent mc - Thread 2

(994 Posts)
woody17 Mon 08-Oct-12 08:28:35

Hi everyone - I've started the new thread as our original one is nearly full.

I really hope that this is the one where we all get our BFPs and don't have to experience any more heartache.

YorkshirePeanut Thu 11-Oct-12 21:21:56

So sorry it was a BFN fizz. Mystery cycles are so bloody frustrating, must be even worse having thought you'd gone back to normal. I hope your doctor is sympathetic and actually does something rather than giving you the brush-off. Is there still just a chance you tested too early?

posy rubbish that AF arrived. There always seem to be so many stories of people catching straight after MC, makes you feel worse when you don't - I was convinced I would...mind you, I suppose I'm technically still in my first cycle, all 70-odd days of it, so there's still time for me grin! Hope this month is the one for you.

scared - just loads of hugs really.

baby how are you getting on? I think counselling sounds like a good idea, honestly I think it's shocking that it isn't offered as routine when you have a MC. It can be so traumatic both physically and emotionally and they just wave you out of the door and say, 'hope we don't see you again'. Helpful.

MissM poor you. We've only been trying since May and I'm already going doolally. I really hope it happens sooner for you this time.

Well been for acupuncture, wasn't quite what I was expecting but the lady was lovely, she normally works alongside GPs and was quite shocked that the doctor had told me to go away and wait for a year. She suggested I go back to the doctor and ask them for ?ovulation charting? and that if they say no I find another doctor! She also did her thing with the needles, a few in each hand and foot and (oh the horror) some in my squidgy belly! I can't say I even felt them go in which I think she was a bit disappointed with smile. She's promised to send me some dietary recommendations and a couple of titles of books she thinks I could benefit from reading - so I'm quite impressed with her overall approach, although it remains to be seen if her professionalism translates into a cure. Will be going back next week and taking it from there and not freaking out and calling her a fraud if AF doesn't show by tomorrow

Oh, and following a conversation today with a 'friend' (I use the term loosely) I have decided that my new pet hate is people saying, 'at least you know you CAN get pregnant' - oh yes, that's very comforting. It's great to know that I have on one previous occasion been totally capable of getting and staying pregnant for at least 8 weeks. Thanks for that, I now feel ever so reassured angry.

Sorry, mini-rant over! Taking myself to bed before I remember other annoying things people have said and work myself into a state of frothing apoplexy! Night all xxx

Quinandthem Fri 12-Oct-12 20:45:04

Hi girls,

I was reading all your posts yesterday and it's like you all know me – I have been through every feeling that you have – from hoping each month is going to be the one – and then disappointment, trying to analyse every twinge/boob change, from trying to have sex whilst ovulating without making it boring (seems like nothing takes passion out of sex then trying to conceive), OH doesn’t understand all the feelings that go through my mind.

My OH and I decided to start TTC in Jan, in prep I came off the pill 3 months earlier (after being on it for 13yrs!), by some fluke we actually fell pregnant in late December (although didn't know it so spent xmas and new year drinking), but unfortunately I had a mc at 8 weeks.

To be honest whilst it was obviously sad, I understood that 'things happen for a reason' and just thought we would fall pregnant straight away. Well it hasn't happened.

My cycles seem to have settled to 30 days after bouncing around from 30 to 45! During the long cycles my boobs would swell up (like a football pump) and I would get all excited but the tests were negative and the period finally came – but that hasn’t happened for the last 4 months.

Starting to get concerned – at what point do you seek help and does the pregnancy/MC strike against you?

To make it worse (as always seems the case) my close friend and my step sister were pregnant at the same time, friend had hers in August, mine was due Sept and step system has just had hers today.

Anyway, good luck to all of you

WhenSheWasBadSheWasHopeful Fri 12-Oct-12 21:12:58

quin hi welcome to the thread. Sorry you are here. I think you have to have three mc before your GP will refer you for any additional tests.

peanut I so know what you mean about people saying inappropriate things. I have a bit of a list. Yours is number 1

1) at least you know you can get pregnant
2) things happen for a reason (true but hearing it doesn't help)
3) you just need to relax about the whole thing.
4) it could be worse (when I told a friend I had had repeated early mc / chem pregs her response was "well it's no where near as bad as my sisters experience - it's true she had a much worse time but I made me feel I wasn't allowed to be upset over my losses)

I love a good rant.

YorkshirePeanut Fri 12-Oct-12 22:48:20

Ha hopeful don't start me on the ranting, I could honestly write the book on what not to say to someone who's had a miscarriage! I'll add number 5 to your list: 'you're not still upset are you?' oooh the angry chunterings DH has had to listen to!

Quin hello! Sorry you've had to join us but welcome nonetheless. Do you mean you haven't had a period for the last 4 months or haven't had a long cycle with pg symptoms? Either way, if you've been trying for 10 months I guess you've got a good case for going to the GP for ovulation tests. If your cycle's fairly regular they can do hormone tests to check you're ovulating. I'd go see them and don't take no for an answer!

I had a major breakdown today and have just spent two hours weeping on the kitchen floor and making DH frantic. No idea what started me off, but the waterworks went into overtime. DH was lovely, made tea, stroked hair, assured me that we will have twenteleven sproglets one day (didn't help, but I appreciated the sentiment). Even attempted practical suggestions of stuff that might help distract me from obsessing. Am feeling slightly better now, more annoyed at myself for getting so upset about something I can't do anything about. I hate feeling frustrated!

Lolcbcblemonlime Fri 12-Oct-12 23:55:23

Agree completely on what not to say!
Adding mine- "at least it was early do if was not a real baby" I nearly thumped the girl from work who said that!
Sorry u down peanut. Think we all have days like that. Have u any children? How old are you? I feel the same sometimes and even think I should forget about it. After all I got pg with one shag in the month and no ttc related attics other than an app!!!

scaredmummy2B Sat 13-Oct-12 08:13:39

The main thing I hate hearing after a mc or TTC two very simple words

Goes right through me making me feel sick to the stomach

Lolcbcblemonlime Sat 13-Oct-12 08:16:24

Agree scared! How are you by the way? How is the bleeding? Have u been off work? Hope your heart is on the mend x

Quinandthem Sat 13-Oct-12 09:15:33

hi yorkshirepeanut, i've had regular periods for the last 4 months but there is no fluctuations in hormones/boob tinglings/etc and we're dtd in the 'window' so i'm concerned that nothing is catching - hence why i was questioning if i'm ovulating.

hope everyone has a good month

YorkshirePeanut Sat 13-Oct-12 11:05:37

quin in that case I'd get yourself down to the GP and ask for ovulation tests, they're just blood tests. The NHS website says if you're over 35 you should wait 6 months without conceiving and if you're younger it's a year, but I know if it were me I'd be down there by now - in fact I'm already pestering my GP and it's only been 3 months haha. Hope they can help.

scared agree! And then I hate feeling bad about feeling grumpy about someone else's good news. No-win situation! What did they say at your scan? Hope you're ok xxx

Quick update - had some light spotting last night and this morning. Hoping to goodness that the acupuncture has sparked some sort of hormone party and AF is on her way. Mind you, have previously had similar spotting and nothing came of it. FX this time's the real thing!

Have a good Saturday everyone xxx

scaredmummy2B Sat 13-Oct-12 11:23:15

Not good today physically drained bleeding still going feel very weak and dizzy and can't remember the last time I didn't have pain in my belly its really getting to me now the tears are creeping up on me today but trying to fight them back as I know once I start I probably won't stop for a few days :-/ dh2b is trying but he's struggling today too bless him and the kids are just getting on my nerves any little thing they do not fair but something I can't help its like here it comes I hate feeling like this and feel like I have all year :-( I'm also pissed off with the hospital ah when they first spoke to me they said I def needed to be admitted coz I was losing a lot and feeling like crap nearly passing out then the doctor came down and said we need to keep you in for 24 hours at least and told them to do my bloods to check I'd not lost too much an I v was also mentioned ! Next thing I know I'm being sent home till next week then I heard the hospital is full because of the other local gyny ward was full! Feel like I been proper brushed under the carpet like I gotta pass out and call an ambulance to get seen grr so angry, upset and pissed off all at the same time sorry rant over

scaredmummy2B Sat 13-Oct-12 11:24:05

Oh and here come the tears f**king Marvelous

messtins Sat 13-Oct-12 11:58:35

So sorry (((scared))). If you need to cry then cry. Can your DH take the kids out and give you some space? Going to bed for a bit and having a good weep will probably help in the long run. Thinking of you.

babyjamesblackberrycrumble Sat 13-Oct-12 12:47:57

oh Scarred this really is the pits sad As Messtins said it maybe good if DH or someone can take the kids out for a while and give you some space and time to cry. I have had a few meltdowns this week. I agree about the NHS as had similar experience with them. If you feel too poorly then you must go back though.
I was at GP yesterday as had constant abdomen pain for over a month now. Just got to wait for a gyny appointment they said. Hope my tubes are ok.
Anyone fancy some cake. It's my Birthday. [cake] Ive had better but filling my weekend with fun things with DS and DH. At least it's the weekend!

scaredmummy2B Sat 13-Oct-12 13:00:29

He said he would but all I seem to have done this year is sit in my room and sulk about a mc so trying to keep busy and not do that but not feeling it so will prob go home in a bit and he'll stay here (the inlaws) with the kids

YorkshirePeanut Sat 13-Oct-12 14:06:30

Aw scared, big hugs. Sometimes it just seems so bloody unfair doesn't it? The hospital being rubbish won't have helped, but maybe it's better you're being ignored at home than being ignored on an unfriendly ward. If you carry on feeling rubbish have you got an EPU you can go to?

lol sorry managed to totally ignore your last post! I haven't got any children yet, which is maybe why I'm struggling so much, and I'm 30, so not quite old enough for anyone except me to panic! How about you? We also got pregnant the second the implant was taken out, I think it took one swift bonk and that was that, job done - so I assumed we were uber-fertile and getting pregnant again would be easy-peasy. Not the case sad...

MunchinMango Sat 13-Oct-12 16:05:09

Happy birthday baby. Have a glass or three vino and cheers to a brighter future.

Scared so sorry to read your news. It's hard to believe it has happened again and the hospitals treatment is a disgrace. Hope you get some rest and cry it out if it helps.

Welcome Quinn, And when totally agree with your list of what not to say!!!

Fx peanut af on her way.

I was due af on wed but still no sign and a bfn this morning. Would just love if af showed up so we could try again!!!

It's been a very sad time on this thread. Hope Mother Nature is kinder to us all very soon.

scaredmummy2B Sat 13-Oct-12 16:05:21

That was the epu peanut not much faith at all least I can rest in my own home but I just feel so sick and dizzy and like no one cares !

Trying not to just sit in the corner and cry but its getting very tempting

messtins Sat 13-Oct-12 16:25:49

Happy birthday babyjames !

WhenSheWasBadSheWasHopeful Sat 13-Oct-12 19:15:57

scared so sorry this is all so awful for you. Big hug being sent your way (don't usually hand out hugs but you need one).

YorkshirePeanut Sun 14-Oct-12 08:46:51

Happy birthday for yesterday baby! Here's to a happier year ahead xxx

Lolcbcblemonlime Sun 14-Oct-12 09:29:12

Hope everyone feeling a bit more positive today.
Scared how's things??
Peanut I'm 38!!! Was on the pill until about 18 months ago but was not actively trying until I had the mc! Now have become obsessed keen to have a baby!

YorkshirePeanut Sun 14-Oct-12 17:58:44

lol 38, still spring chicken territory! I was totally chilled out about trying until we had the mc. Was expecting it to take ages so getting a bullseye first time was a bit of a shock, but since the mc I'm somewhat rabid about getting pg again. I reckon this month is going to be a good one for both of us! Am using the power of positive thinking! and not at all sceptical about said power of positive thinking

In other news, thought AF had arrived this morning - all signs were looking good, a bit crampy, spotting getting more obvious...back to nothing at all this PM. AAAAAAARGH. So am painting our bedroom to take my mind off crazy body. Hopefully it will become a seductive boudoir and therefore more conducive to babymaking! (unlikely given my painting skills)...

Lolcbcblemonlime Sun 14-Oct-12 19:12:51

Bugger peanut. Maybe not af? Is it just spotting?

Quinandthem Sun 14-Oct-12 19:24:46

i dont know all your stories since i've only just joined but it seems like we've all been through a lot - especially you Scared.

taking a positive from not being pregnant - it meant that i could drink at my sister-in-laws wedding last night - a day with my OH's family could turn anyone to drink. it also meant we had a dirty weekend in a B&B which was nice to put the passion back into sex rather than it all being about baby making.

Also - we're on the 2 week wait for AF and i'm always confused about drinking in this time - i dont normally drink alot anyway. what do you do?

scaredmummy2B Mon 15-Oct-12 07:45:39

lol still in a lot of pain bleeding has eased not many clots just want Friday to come now its been e very emotional weekend and now my man is working all day today and tomorrow so think its all gonna hit me hard being on my own I try to avoid it normally today I can't but tomorrow my friend is coming around to rescue me for a couple hours at least! I can't go far still in pain and bleeding! Feel like this is the only support I got and don't feel like I should be here coz I'm def not ttc just moaning after mc 3 of the bastards idiots :-(

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