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1st miscarriage :-(

(9 Posts)
whiterose2011 Mon 24-Sep-12 10:57:36

I had my first miscarriage at the weekend :-(

I just wondered if anyone had any tips on how to move forward positively from a MC? I feel pretty rubbish at the moment (tired, sickly, achey etc) but don't think it has hit me emotionally yet. I haven't really cried and feel a bit guilty for that. Maybe it's because it took a month to confirm that the heartbeat had stopped so we've had some time to prepare ourselves? I'm devastated that it has ended this way but not sure my brain has processed it yet.

Did anyone feel the same way/similar? I'm not a cold hearted person and don't want to come across that way in this post. I'm just quite surprised by my reaction to this and wonder if it is normal?

Xxx

AttilaTheMeerkat Mon 24-Sep-12 11:26:41

whiterose2011

I was very saddened to read about your miscarriage. It is still very early days for you and your man and you need to be kind to yourselves as well as each other (I realise that may sound trite but its true).

This website may be helpful to you; its the website of the Miscarriage Association and they have a helpline

www.miscarriageassociation.org.uk

You both need support and they can also help with providing that.

BridgetandtheHairyBrigands Mon 24-Sep-12 13:32:25

Oh whiterose, I'm so, so sorry to hear of your loss.

Please do not worry about whether your reaction is 'normal' - I don't think there is a 'normal' response to miscarriage. Although, unfortunately, miscarriage is something many, many, women experience, each individual pregnancy loss is a unique life-changing event for that woman (and often their partner too). I think everyone just copes the best they can and there are no rules.

It must have been terribly difficult waiting a whole month to find out if your pregnancy was viable and perhaps, as you say, you did some mental preparation during that time? Alternatively, perhaps you had to mentally 'switch off' from your emotions a little to enable you to carry on functioning during that wait? Perhaps, at this time, you just need to focus on your physical recovery and your emotions will 'catch up' later?

From personal experience, my feelings about my miscarriage and how well I am coping has varied over time. Initially I was sort of in shock, then devastated, then not too bad, and now, as what would have been my due date looms, I am struggling again.

Things that helped me in the early days post-miscarriage were reading the threads in the mumsnet miscarriage section, reading some miscarriage poetry (made me weep buckets but really helped) and buying a lovely memory box to put all my pregnancy related stuff in.

Lots of hugs to you x

QTPie Mon 24-Sep-12 14:23:06

I am so sorry for your loss.

Miscarriage is like any type of grieving: people work through it in different ways, it takes time.

It may hit you differently at funny times: when I had mine, I started noticing babies and pregnant women everywhere. That hurt quite a lot.

I don't know if there is a "miscarriage" forum on mumsnet, but there is one on "babyandbump": I found it very useful.

Have you been advised to take a cycle (or longer) off before TTC again? It is very advisable to let your body recover, heal, and "clean itself out" again (by having a period) before you start trying to conceive again. Although this is frustrating, it honestly helped give me some closure: somewhere in the back of my mind was "maybe my baby is still there..." (insanely!), but that period just gives closure to it.

After my early MC, we took a cycle off TTC, then we conceived straight away next cycle. DS is now a very healthy 2yr 8 month old! smile. I hope that you are equally as fortunate. It will always be a loss, but you do move on.

x

babyjamesblackberrycrumble Mon 24-Sep-12 20:46:30

I don't have much to add, I just wanted to say sorry for your loss.
I had a MC last month and I have found the more recent weeks most difficult. Be kind to yourself.

Pocket1 Mon 24-Sep-12 20:47:23

Dear Whiterose I'm so sorry about your mc and that you had to wait for the confirmation. Its all just so cr*p.

I had one in Jan at about 6 weeks and i totally lost it. I was very teary on and off for a few months.

I think you just need to give yourself time - sounds useless now but over time, these sad feelings do fade. I've heard that many women try very quickly after mc to conceive (some women are more fertile just after a mc). You may need to wait a month or so to let your hormones get back to normal but it may help to have a focus.

Best of luck to you. thanks x

lotsofcheese Mon 24-Sep-12 21:41:58

Sorry for your loss. It's such a sad & awful thing to go through. There's good support from the "Miscarriage & Pregnancy Loss" boards (body & soul section)

Take it easy & be kind to yourself - allow time to grieve & don't put pressure on yourself to feel a certain way or be "over" it x

BettyFlutterbly Tue 25-Sep-12 00:34:57

Hi. I'm really sorry to hear about your loss. I too had a mc at the beginning of the month and haven't really cried about it (I not a cold hearted person at all either)
I have found the forums very helpful and am getting a bit obsessed with ttc again. I am desperate to get pregnant again without even waiting for a period, but am also really nervous about when I do actually get pregnant.
We definitely all grieve in different ways. Make sure you don't bottle it all up. You're doing the right thing by talking about it on here as it really helps to have the support of people who know what you're going through.
All the best x

whiterose2011 Wed 26-Sep-12 19:48:13

Thanks ladies. I'm struggling on but strangely find it better when I am busy. If work is quiet, I find my mind wandering and thinking about EVERYTHING! The last 2 nights I've been tearful at bedtime. I think I'm exhausted after spending a whole day at work trying to be normal (I've only told my boss as I needed time off but not the rest of my department).

I think we're going to wait for my first period and then try again. I'm worried that if I put it off, I'll never want to try again for fear that I could have another mc. Sounds silly but a friend of mine said that if you think about it too hard, you'll always find a reason not to do it and I think she might be right.

Thanks for all your kind words. We've only told our managers as we needed time off work and also my FIL as he's a GP, so it's good to know that there are people out there that you can chat to without having to feel uncomfortable about people giving you sympathy. Xxx

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