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TTC for 10+ months, part 10

(1000 Posts)
princesschick Mon 17-Sep-12 12:21:10

A very friendly and supportive thread for those taking way longer than they had ever expected to make a baby.

CocoAndNuts Mon 17-Sep-12 12:26:27

thanks for making the new thread princess
marking my place

akuabadoll Mon 17-Sep-12 12:33:20

Thanks Princess you at the Drs Coco ?

mrsden Mon 17-Sep-12 12:58:23

Thanks for the new thread princess. Crikey, it's number 10 though and I joined the first one. That's great news you had a good meeting with the registrar. It sounds like you have a plan worked out.

Lemons, I'm so sorry you've had to put up with an announcement. They always come at the worst time. This will get better, we just have to hang in there for our time to come.

Missmedusa that sounds really positive. I'm keeping fingers crossed for you. Also, that's amazing about the tamoxifen I mist get dh to ask about it, although tbh I'm geared up for icsi now,

Af has gone now and I feel oddly positive. We have an appointment at the ivf clinic for 1st October and I'm hoping well set a date then for icsi. Dh and I chatted about it Over the weekend and we both said we didn't expect the first try to work but that wed see it as a three go process. This way I'm hoping I won't be as disappointed if we don't get a good result straight away

Ttc has sapped my confidence in all areas of my life. Ive started thinking I'm rubbish at everything, can't attitude and all that, I need to stamp it out. I'm also bad in social situations and I dread being asked questions because the inevitable ones about kids will come up. If I had an interesting job it would be ok, but I don't. I'm thinking I need to apply for a new job but I feel like I can't cope with doing that and ivf at the same time, it's like there is only room in my brain for ttc. Does anyone else feel like that?

mrsmellow Mon 17-Sep-12 13:19:00

Thanks for the new thread princess
lemon sorry about the announcement - such bad timing, hope you're feeling a bit better today.
missMedusa great news about the repeat scan - it is hard to balance the hope with the fear of being too hopeful... fingers crossed

A work colleague just asked me if I am pregnant shock angry sad
I ran into her out of work on Saturday while hiking - wearing a jumper tied around my waist under my top - so might have looked a bit - and have been bloated after the lap for the last few weeks - finally feeling back to my normal slim self - apparently not looking it hmm

and a 'c' pregnancy announcement - at 20 weeks, with a really sweet poem by her husband on facebook...envy for vomit inducing (jealousy is an ugly emotion!)
bah humbug.

hi to everyone else, sorry not to name check - thread moves so fast!

mrsmellow Mon 17-Sep-12 13:22:12

mrsd sorry, I took about half an hour to write that post inbetween doing other stuff and didn't see yours.
Yes I know exactly what you mean - but find that doing other stuff actually helps you to cope with the fertility thing - a bit like taking charge of some aspect of your life IYSWIM?
I think good attitude to assume it'll take 3 goes.... fingers crossed not though

Poutintrout Mon 17-Sep-12 13:29:08

Lemons I am so sorry that on top of everything the universe throws a pregnancy announcement at you too. I hope that you are feeling okay today.

missm I am so pleased that you got a more positive scan result.

Massively good luck for Tuesday sarlat. I will be thinking of you.

gin how's your cat doing? Is she better?

mrsd I absolutely can understand only having brain room for TTC. I have felt like this for ages. I think it started with not wanting to plan anything or do much because I genuinely believed I would be updiffed shortly and then it became a case of my brain being swamped with negativity and swirling thoughts of IVF, immunes & duff eggs and feeling unable to do anything more than contend with these thoughts. Like I have mentioned before on here, I don't work (another TTC by-product which makes me feel like shite) and for the first time in my life I have the time to be able to focus on the things I want to do and I had the idea of turning my creativity into a little cottage industry. A few years ago I would jumped at that chance, now I simply can't be arsed. I keep trying to motivate myself and tell myself that this is just what I need to restore some confidence in myself and maybe distract my brain from TTC and maybe get that ironic, appears when you're not looking BFP but I simply can't start it. Maybe I am afraid of more failure.

I am feeling pretty fed up of all this today. While I don't think I am pregnant whatsoever and haven't done all this cycle I simply can't face the arrival of another AF. It's due anytime now and the thought of going to the bathroom and finding another period has arrived is just too crap.

Sorry for not name checking but lots of love to you all.

Poutintrout Mon 17-Sep-12 13:30:38

x-posted with you mrsmellow

Bums at pregnancy announcement. A poem like that would make me want to boil my head.

mrsden Mon 17-Sep-12 13:55:22

Pout, sometimes I find the fear of af arriving is worse than when it does come. Mine started on we'd morning and I was a bit oh damn, but then just felt generally crap. Cd 3 I felt ok again. I think it's important to give yourself a bit of moping time.
I only work part time, I took this job when I thought I'd be getting pregnant soon so I thought part time hours were perfect. Of course I never did get preg ant and now I feel like I'm stuck here with no career prospects. Finding a new job is hard, and I know that doing ivf will use up lots of head space. But I think you're right mellow, I need to keep myself busy so I'm going to actively look for something better.

CocoAndNuts Mon 17-Sep-12 14:03:15

what a sweet, vomit inducing thing for her hubby to do mellow

I completely understand only having room for ttc in the brain mrsd. My job is usually busy and I had barely any time to think about tic over the past year. But now things are quiet at work. Thinking about things starts to take over.

Dr's visit was good. Reassuring. Going to do blood tests to checking if I'm ovulating. Which I obviously am because I got pg, but I may not be every month.

oops ... late for meeting ... will post more later

CritterPants Mon 17-Sep-12 14:41:12

Hello lovely ten plussers! princess thanks so much for making the new thread. Glad you're loving the rose oil, and glad that the registrar appointment was useful. And thanks for the lovely positivity. I can feel it radiating all the way across the Atlantic!

lemon I am so sorry about the announcement. Please be gentle to yourself. Maybe a massage, some beautiful flowers and lovely chocolate?

missmedusa I am really pleased that you had a hopeful scan. Fingers crossed for you and your bean.

mrsd I know exactly what you mean about there only being room in your brain for TTC. It really eats you up from the inside. Sorry you're feeling so crap - be kind to yourself - you are so much more than a baby-maker in waiting.

pout sorry that you're feeling so rotten as well. I do think that if you can be creative, it might help a little. It always helps me. But maybe setting up a whole cottage industry is too much right now. Start small, you don't have to go the whole hog.

mellow sorry about the announcement. That is rubbish.

coco glad the dr's appointment went well. How is Ginger? grin

sarlat Eeee! Can't believe it is tomorrow. All the luck in the world. I am so hopeful for you. Thanks for all your lovely advice, it's been really helpful.

buzzy sorry to hear about your DH's tears. That is always miserable.

Sorry not to namecheck more - I went for my scan this morning and everything was still small - lots of follies, but all little ones, and my lining was still thin. I got upset when I called DH to tell him afterwards, tears for the first time since starting this 'journey'. It's been twelve days of FSH injections, and I am scared that my body isn't responding. Nurse thought I was still on clomid and said that the doc would probably cancel the cycle and move me onto injections - when I said I was already on injections she looked quite shocked and said she'd talk to the doctor and he would probably up my dose from 75mg. They'll call me later today to tell me what to do.

It did occur to me that the one month I managed to grow a sizeable follie was the month I was trying out princess's Dr Marilyn Glenville PCOS woo suggestions - taking Agnus Castus, no caffeine, sugary treats or dairy or booze. Then I stopped bothering because I am greedy and lazy. So I am now thinking I will start with all that again, just in case it is what made a difference. Onwards and upwards ladies. I also tried to do what my sis told me to do when upset, which is to try to calm my mind and focus on the physical sensation of the emotional pain. It felt like a lump in the back of my throat and a tightness in my chest and shoulders. Observing the physical sensations, and doing some deep breaths, seemed to help a little bit. Just thought I would mention it, as I know we all need some coping mechanisms with this shitfest.

MissMedusa Mon 17-Sep-12 15:01:58

mrsden I know exactly how you feel about TTC affecting self esteem. Especially when you think how many "unworthy" people manage it so easily. It is hard not to let crazy thoughts going. My predominant one has been fate/god/spaghetti monster is punishing us for getting married because I met DH while he was still married to his first wife. They were separated and already living in different cities as she had moved back in with her parents. She has severe psychological disorders and had been institutionalised a few times during their marriage so logically we know it was for the best and I am not religious in any way but so much has gone wrong since we got married that whenever I go to that dark place the idea that I'm being punished takes over (most recently at the weekend). I know it's wrong, we all do, but it really does bring out the crazy in us.

Anyway fingers and everything else possible crossed for you for your ICSI. Things are moving forward and that is a good thing. smile

critter that doesn't sound nice either, are they going to cancel the cycle?

freedom2011 Mon 17-Sep-12 15:10:35

Hi all, I hardly post, but often check in to see how you all are doing. Now on 3.5 years of trying for #1. I had my first IUI (1 of 5 goes) at the weekend and waiting now for 2 weeks until my next clinic visit. Being outwardly realistic that it probably won't work but internally really hoping we beat the odds and manage it. I have 5 tries budgeted for. After that, the doctors will move onto IVF. But not sure how we'll pay for that. So just hanging out here in the safety of those also having a trying time. :-)
Good luck everyone.

rabbitonthemoon Mon 17-Sep-12 15:20:06

Marking place! Feather perk to all and a finger up to poems, announcements and potential afs. Right, back to induction!

ArtemisTheHunter Mon 17-Sep-12 16:00:14

Hi everyone

Back from a work trip overseas to find it's thread no. 10... how did that happen?! It's good that we are a chatty bunch smile I've been reading but not managed time to post, so I'm not going to try to catch up with everyone personally but do want to say Lemon what a shitty announcement to have to deal with at the moment. Big hugs and I hope at least the worst of the physical side is over. And MissM great news on the scan. Here's hoping all goes smoothly from now on.

We managed to get to the IVF open evening before I went away. I'm feeling a bit less panicked now i've got a clear outline of what's involved and am moving towards feeling more positive and just wanting to get on with it. The main decision now is when to actually start. I'm not sure I'll get a cycle in before xmas but I'd like to - it's usually a quiet-ish time work wise and getting time off will be a real issue for me especially as I don't want work colleagues to know I am having IVF. Being self employed is mostly great but at times like this it's difficult.

Otherwise we have agreed to get healthy in preparation - in particular no booze and no caffeine from now on - so I guess I do need to leave it a couple of months for any benefits to take effect. Interestingly the consultant said he'd seen pretty compelling evidence that caffeine is possibly the worst thing to have if you're ttc. Mr A was shock as he is a proper addict and also likes his beer but has accepted that as lifestyle modifications will be his sole contribution (aside from jizzing in a jar) he just needs to get on with it. We'll see how successful that is hmm.

Winding back a few pages, I just wanted to say to those who have been anxious about upsetting other people that I for one have never been upset or offended by anything anyone's said on this thread. This is a really valuable space for people to express how they are feeling and their individual perspective on things. We all react differently and it's been really helpful to find out about different coping mechanisms as well as all the practical stuff around treatment etc. I've always seen this as a non-judgmental space; I would never see anyone's personal response or feelings as an implied criticism of mine and I hope nobody would take anything I say in that way either smile.

Oh yes, one random fact i did pick up at the open eve - the consultant said that women as a matter of course release 8-10 eggs a month, though only one makes it to maturity. Very basically, the IVF drugs work by making them all grow at a similar rate rather than allowing one to take over. I don't know how that fits for Akuaba and Critter and your follie count but i thought it might be relevant.

There are lots of other things I've wanted to say over the last few days as I've been surreptitiously reading mn during the particularly boring bits of boring meetings but I haven't a hope of remembering them all now so I'll just jump back in feet first and pick up from here. Waves and tail feather shakes to everyone smile

buzzybee123 Mon 17-Sep-12 16:52:43

medussa it is still early days so its sound promising, I think it was a bit silly for them to scan you so early in the first place hmm

critter they need to give you something for the lining, I've had good success with progynov, no side affects that I am aware of hmm. Don't get too despondent this month, they usually start on a lower dose just to see how your body reacts, it took 3 goes to get the desired affect for me, which is angry when you just want to get on with it. I was on 225 in the end, they should put yours up to at least 150 next time, can i ask what days they scanned you, I would have thought a scan after about 8-9 days would be a good start as they could up the dose for the last few days. Push for something for your lining, there is no point in laying the golden egg if it has nowhere to set up home smile

sar 24 hours and counting smile

mellow a poem on FB really shock confused if Mr B was that way inclined, which he is not by the way, our friends would most likely slaughter him for it, I would have to unfriend him grin

pout I totally feel like you, can't be arsed to do anything, I hate it when I am so unmotivated and it seems so hard to break the spell. I think we should set up our own cottage industry together smile lots of crochet dog blankets smile

euro I hope you are ok???

lemon big hugs x

mrsd I am also like you with TTC room, which I seem to be constantly living in hmm It can be too much to look for another job while distracted by IVF, maybe put out some feelers for now or write down some ideas so when you feel ready you have already got a starting place

freedom good luck with your 2ww smile

coco glad your DP appointment went well

princess glad things went well with the registrar

artemis we are in the same boat, I'd liket o get a round in before xmas too, November was my month of choice but looking more like December now, glad you feel more relaxed about it all

Well for some reason I'm feeling calmer today not sure why as it is a Monday, maybe having more time with Mr B in the morning helps, I do like a good snuggle.
Work is crap but managed to keep Charlie calm, in the book it talked about offering your chimp a banana, not sure if cake and biscuits is what the author meant but it did the trick. Got an email from the IVF clinic and they said there is no waiting list if I use my own eggs, annoyingly I cannot see my GP until the 3rd October as she is away, not sure if it is worth seeing one of the others to try and get the blood tests done, I don't really want to have to explain to someone new why I am asking for all these tests on the NHS. My temp is still 36.41 and i'm CD16 confused makes me a bit nervous, but will ask for my thyroid to be tested too

waves to anyone I have missed

lovesLemonDrizzleCake Mon 17-Sep-12 18:25:09

Marking my place. Yay for reassurance missM although v envy
Feeling like shit, you're all lovely, but grief seems to have returned with a vengance. Not that it really was gone, but I preferred not wailing all the time.

akuabadoll Mon 17-Sep-12 18:56:50

Oh bloody he'll Artemis no coffee at all? I thought I was fine with one cup of coffee in the morning. Ive been asking Mr Doll to cut down, I think he has a couple a day, I just read out loud what you wrote re caffeine, he is also shock

I need the draft an email to my Dr tomorrow after thinking over what he said. I get the impression there is going to be no advising against caffeine and the like in these parts so I'm going to have to figure out how I should proceed. I have a question for those that have been advised on or completed a long protocol. The timetables I've seen online begin week before the expected start of the next period (or day 21 of a 28 day cycle). I guess this means no TTC in the cycle leading up to day 21? Is that correct?

Oh yes forgot to say also found my guy online, drum roll......he is a real doctor! The Interweb says so.

akuabadoll Mon 17-Sep-12 18:59:11

Sorry x-post lemon have some thanks Useless I know. wine ?

buzzybee123 Mon 17-Sep-12 19:07:17

lemon I really am so sorry you are in this shit place, I have to say its best to wail and let it all out, big hugs x

MuddyWellyNelly Mon 17-Sep-12 19:31:12

Marking my place. Mega busy just now but thanks for lemon. doll yes I believe you need to use contraception that cycle. Eek at no caffeine. Mr Nelly takes shitloads. I have this horrible niggling doubt that despite evidence to the contrary that it's actually sperm issues causing us not to be pregnant yet. I don't know if IVF will address this. His numbers are good but he hasn't made any lifestyle changes. I'm actually not sure how I'll respond if, after 2 years and all the emotional hell and guilt tripping at my end, it ends up being something he could have addressees with a bit of motivation hmm. Perhaps I shouldn't go there.....

Anyway just home and hobbles need attended to. Catch up soon.

CritterPants Mon 17-Sep-12 20:12:08

buzzy thank you for the advice, you are such a sweetheart and I will ask my doc about the womb lining medicine. He wants me to stay on the same dose to avoid hyperstimulating and come in later this week. Glad you had snuggles and I would definitely ask to see another GP to skip the wait. Can't hurt. I'd make an appointment with your usual GP and go and see another one at your practice in the meantime as an insurance policy. Great news that there is no waiting list - I know you're keep to get cracking.

missm they aren't cancelling the cycle so that has made me feel a little better. Hope you are hanging in there. We need some good news on this thread!

nelly perhaps you could ask Mr nelly to join you in the caffeine thing as a motivator?

doll great that your guy is kosher! grin No idea about the IVF protocol but I'm sure one of our other lovely ladies will know.

gin thanks for the chocolate milkshake advice - sounds divine, yum.

lemon so sorry. sad You probably need time to grieve, you were being so brave last week with work, and it's probably good to allow yourself some time to mourn properly.

artemis welcome back and it is absolutely brilliant that the IVF evening was so helpful. Onwards! And your caffeine advice comes at a good time for me as I plan to hit the no caffeine no booze train with renewed vigour after my body's refusal to grow eggs. No reason not to, and good to hear it is worth doing - it would be sad to wave goodbye to dietary misdemeanours if the deprivation wasn't having a good effect!

free welcome and sorry that you find yourself here. I hope things improve for you!

CocoAndNuts Mon 17-Sep-12 20:23:14

Hi all,

Ginger was peed_off but is now just_grumpy

Had a busy day so it kept my mind from wandering. In fact I just realised I still have the cotton wool ball still taped to my elbow from my blood test grin

Good luck for tomorrow sar !

Sorry the shitfest got to you critter. You have done so well to hold it together this long. Plus your are injecting yourself full of hormones which tips the balance in favour of the chimp. You sound like you are still coping amazingly well, though there is no harm in letting the tears roll occasionally.

Damn I type too slow. Train is home. Gotta go. Speak to you all soon. Tail feathers and toothy chimp grins to you all.

buzzybee123 Mon 17-Sep-12 20:35:49

critter I thought about that I'm just not sure if they would say yes, I feel they would say no that I didn't need them and that they would say i'm wasting NHS money. Fingers crossed for later in the week

CritterPants Mon 17-Sep-12 20:43:04

buzzy just tell them that you'd like to make two appointments. If they complain, say you'll cancel the later appointment with your doc on 3rd Oct if the earlier one goes well. You certainly aren't wasting NHS money! They won't care either way, it's no skin off their noses to book you in for two appointments.

coco you made me grin with the pictures of Ginger in a grump. Thanks a million for your lovely kind words, it helps. smile I am feeling a bit better now. I hope you have a really relaxing evening at home with your OH.

sar I am SO excited for you for tomorrow! grin grin grin

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