Is it so terrible that we want a baby?

[JenniferPocketWatch]

Hi I have been browsing through a lot of the threads on here and thought I would post one of my own hoping that some of you may share you experience and opinions.....

Here is a bit of background.....................
Me and DP are both 26 ....I have just finished uni in Manchester and am awaiting to secure my first job as a neonatal nurse. I think I should have a job within the next month or two. DP currently has a secure good job. We have been together 4 years and lived together for 2 and a half. We aren't married but its not a priority for either of us something we would do in the future.....perhaps? We rent have the usual dog and cat and will be buying our own house within 3 months of me getting my job.

Now the thing is I have been desperately broody since I could hold my own baby doll at the age of around 4(ish) , I feel we have a fantastic relationship and plan definitely to have kids together. The thing is we are both desperately broody now, we both really want to have a baby.....but we feel we should wait as the average age where we live is around 30 +. I have read a lot on here about women not being broody in their twenties and husbands/partners not wanting children. I feel lucky that we both want the same thing.
I wonder however if our choice would be frowned upon and feel we will be looked upon as that we are too young and our lives will be over.

So my question to you is....do you think we should supress this desire and carry on our lives having holidays , nights out etc when all we both really want is a family?

Or should we go for it.....when I start my new job?

Just to mention, I have travelled a lot and so has DP I have lived abroad for a year and had my fair share of holidays I also lived quite a party lifestyle in my late teens and twenties but since starting my nursing training I am very settled.
We would also like to ...if we were lucky enough have 3+children as we both want a big family.

Any advice will be welcomed thanks,

Jenny

[Creamtea1]

Go for it - just check in your new job if there is a certain time period you need to work there before you get enhanced maternity pay - its usually one year but nhs may be different.

[Northernlurkerisonholiday]

Get your job, look at the wage you earn and see what you want to do with it. Think about what you would do with work if you had a baby. How many shifts, how much childcare. Then decide if it's something you still want to do right now or whether you want to wait a year or two. There's no right or wrong answer.

[kittykatsforever]

Go for it Jenny!
Why does it matter when other people are ready, my sis started at 27 me at 31 but she's a great mum, they want 3 and I think if you have got plans for a bigger family you've got the right idea starting soon as you don't want to feel the pressure in your 30s if your only just starting not enjoy your others first
My only advice would be to get a job first purely for maternity pay etc but really it when both of you want it, no one else

[MrsApplepants]

If you want it, go for it! Although I would get the job sorted first, to get maternity pay and also to have the option of returning after you have your baby. Will also be better to have a job to get a mortgage later on.

[eurochick]

If you both want a child and can afford to support one, then go for it.

Bear in mind many jobs require you to have been there for one or two years by a certain stage of pregnancy to get decent maternity benefits. This is an issue for my nurse SIL as my BIL is in the army and moves around a lot!

Personally I wasn't broody at your age and am glad I got to do the various things I did. But now I am mid-30s and having trouble conceiving so perhaps we should have started a bit earlier!

[NotADriveBy]

DH and I had a similar problem. Eventually we managed to thrash out the couple of things we definitely wanted to do or settle before TTC, and then proceeded to tick them off systematically. Heartless but satisfying.

In the process of self-analysis we realized that lots of things we had previously assumed we had to do before TTC didn't matter to us. And to our surprise, some things that hadn't seemed important to us actually turned out to be the key between feeling comfortable and feeling a bit guilty about TTC early!

Sometimes it's difficult to work out whether all the reasons to postpone having children (certain types of holidays, nights out, accumulation of maternity rights and getting settled in to a job) do or do not ultimately matter to you. If you're a list-writer type of person, maybe write a list of every single reason and have a massive discussion with your DP.

P.S. Remember that there are lots of young parents having the time of their lives with their children - the fun doesn't end when you give birth!

[JenniferPocketWatch]

Thanks everyone! Very very much appreciated !

It is difficult to work out what REALLY matters to us more than having a baby, without feeling guilty or even embarrassed to announce it......I really wouldn't want to feel like that.
I think ultimately I need to at least have a permanent job ....being newly qualified..... I love my job and have obviously have had to work hard to get through my training and be where I am now ..... that's the reason I have chosen to do it but I am not bothered about career progression before having children at all,or even after to be honest but we will see.

We live in a 2 bedroom place now, but I know ideally we would both like to own our own home when we decide to have a baby.

I have to work 6 months in my new job before ttc,(not that I have worked it out or anything .) To receive enhanced maternity pay . So yes ideally around 7 months time when we have a house and me settled in my job would be perfect .

Whats 7 months....... ?

[JenniferPocketWatch]

Oh and notadriveby I 100% agree with you about your lives being fun with kids.
We have to 'borrow a child' (friends, nephews, nieces) to go and do fun things ha ha pathetic I know!

[HaveALittleFaith]

I think there's wise words said above. Don't forget you'd need to negotiate a regular shift pattern when you return to work to make child care manageable rather than being on whatever you're given. Don't knock borrowing little people - borrowing my now 3 year old nephew has given us the confidence to want to be parents! :)

[Northernlurkerisonholiday]

The other thing to think about is that being a mother changes you. You are trained as a neonatal nurse. That's a tough field and when you have your own dcs you may find it really tough to be in. If you've worked a bit before having dcs you'll have more career options too.

[Irishmammybread]

Hi Jen, you've had some good advice about settling in your job and making sure you can secure maternity pay etc.
Sometimes though it's hard to know when it's absolutely the right time to have a baby. We had an unplanned pregnancy with our DS when we were 23 and 24. I was only qualified a year, DH was still a student. We didn't own a house, had no savings. Yes, the early years were a struggle but we had a lot of fun along the way. We have a great relationship with DS(though he says we were practicing being parents with him and then got it right for his sisters who came 6.5 and 10 years later!). We wouldn't change a thing!
It doesn't matter what other people think if you're happy and your life doesn't stop when you have a baby, it just changes.

[crackcrackcrak]

Def wait until you get the full maternity package. To get anything you need to have been there for a certain number of weeks.
Neo natal nursing is such an important job well done you - plus because it's shift work the post baby part time options when you go back are easier.
Get yourself sorted with a mortgage etc first though but good luck - you and your dp are lucky

[JenniferPocketWatch]

Thanks so much for all your kind words and advice.
Yes you are right about my job being difficult,it definitely is now , I cry over the most random things on tv at home but I think its just getting out what I cant at work so yes who knows how I would feel after having my own DC's at least a years experience would give me the opportunity to possibly work in the community......not that that's any easier .

So yes, I think to sustain what we have now 2 cars, pets, and get a mortgage then add a baby on top I definitely need to secure a full maternity package.
We will just have to wait for now, at least baby will be even more wanted by the time he/she comes .

Thanks again to everyone
x