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When's the best time to get pregnant? Use our interactive ovulation calculator to work out when you're most fertile and most likely to conceive.

When's the best time to get pregnant? Use our interactive ovulation calculator to work out when you're most fertile and most likely to conceive.

Conception

Storm in a tea cup

18 replies

DaftOne · 29/07/2012 16:55

Hello, this is a total storm in a tea cup and I'm very aware that a lot of people on here are going through genuine heartbreaking problems... so sorry this will probably seem trivial to many. I'm just in a total emotional hole, feel so down and keep crying, and could really do with a chat.

We're not trying to conceive (using condoms). We would both love to start a family but for the usual boring reasons (money, jobs, accommodation, not married yet etc) we are waiting for a better time. We had an accident on day 14 of my cycle - first time ever that something has gone wrong when using condoms. But when I realised after the accident that I was mid-cycle, my first reaction was excitement. Since then I can't stop thinking about being pregnant. I mean I haven't though about anything else for the last 12 days. I'm obsessed. It has all got a bit much now and I am an emotional wreck and feel like my obsession has taken over.

So my period is due this week. I know it's unlikely that I'm pregnant from a one off - what would you do? Test now or wait? I know a test might not be reliable now but I feel compelled to and I feel I can't live with this anxiety any longer. This happening has made me realise how desperate I am for a family and how really I am just waiting for the chance to start (I'm 29). If it's negative (likely), should I just carry on with the sensible plan to wait, or start paying more attention to this desperate need within me?

Don't know what I'm asking really, just wondered if anyone else feels or has felt the same or had something similar happen to them!! Thanks for reading...

OP posts:

Report

TheSilverPussycat · 29/07/2012 19:41

There is never a good time to start TTC really - or a bad one! Life circumstances are unpredictable. So if you both want to - why not? :)

joberg · 29/07/2012 20:02

I think it is time you sat down with you OH and had a chat...

DaftOne · 29/07/2012 20:14

:-) Thank you for replying. It helps to talk about how I'm feeling. The main thing holding me back is that I have just started a new job (big relief to be employed) and I think it would be rude to go on leave so soon. It seems a bit sneaky/deceitful. I suppose that's why deep down I want the decision taken out of my hands (an accident)... but I can see that's really cowardly actually. I am totally beginning to see why people say there is never a right time though... I guess we should wait a bit but I'm worried at how obsessed I've become lately...

OP posts:

KickTheGuru · 29/07/2012 20:54

There is never an ideal time. There will always be ups and downs and concerns and things that tug on your heartstrings.

I think you need to chat - as joberg said.

frustratedpants · 29/07/2012 21:29

It is possible to get pg from a one off dtd during fertile week. have a 4yo dd to prove it, I only dtd once in 6 months!

If Iwu I would wait until AF is due and see if it arrives who am I kidding I'm the queen of early testing either way I would have a chat with OH. IMO there is never a right or wrong time to TTC as TTC can take a while.

DaftOne · 29/07/2012 21:42

Thanks for replies. Hello frustrated, I have been reading some of your posts as I think we are on the same timescale with cycles and waiting... I felt for you when you tested early... actually I was really rooting for you (sorry sounds a bit stalker-y). I am so tempted to test but I think you're right to say wait as if it was negative I wouldn't know what to think anyway!

After That Night, my DP kept asking me if I felt pregnant and said "I would be so excited if you were." But then he added, "I don't think I feel ready to try for a baby but I would love it if you were pregnant." I know that sounds weird but I completely understood what he meant because it's exactly how I feel.

I know if I discussed it with him he would put a really sensible timescale on it, e.g. let's do this travelling we've talked about, let's think when we can get married, let's get our finances in order... basically all the stuff in my head... and he would be totally right. I think he does feel emotional about it but in a very different way to me. Isn't it horrible the way this wave of emotion hits you out of the blue? I really feel for all the women who have been trying for a long time - must be so hard just to get on with real life!

OP posts:

TheSilverPussycat · 29/07/2012 21:52

Considering your age and the fact that you have just started a job, perhaps set a time about a year ahead to start trying? You have ages - had mine at age 34 and 39. Great that you've got a joint list of things you want to do with your lives :) Of course you might have hit the jackpot already...

KickTheGuru · 29/07/2012 22:01

I am 30 and I certainly don't feel like I have ages. We've been trying for nearly a year already!

But I would chat to him. He sounds open to the possibility :)

frustratedpants · 29/07/2012 22:15

think the witch is on her way. which is why testing early is a waste of £5 notes

DaftOne · 29/07/2012 22:24

Yeah that would be sensible TSP. To be honest this is not the first time I've ended up really upset, confused and obsessed over a very slight pg chance. I'm just tired of waiting and treading water... I've wanted this for so long (years) but have had so much upheaval in my life over the last few years that it has never been the right time... I feel like I've been postponing and postponing the one thing that I really want and now something inside me has snapped and I don't want to wait anymore...

But I'm being melodramatic and I will feel better as soon as I get AF and can stop wondering. And then maybe I could talk to DP about a plan... and just be more careful with contraception so I don't end up on this two week emotional rollercoaster again... bleh. I know it must seem like I'm over-reacting but I've really struggled with it these past two weeks.

OP posts:

KickTheGuru · 29/07/2012 22:24

:( frustrated much, frustrated??

Sucky

Purplemonster · 30/07/2012 13:00

Ugh, know exactly where you're coming from Daft, after two and a half years of nagging, cajoling, crying etc, finally got DP to agree we can start TTC in a couple of months but I just can?t wait that long (stamps feet). I almost convinced myself I was pg this month, had loads of symptoms, got all excited about it even though I knew it was probably all in my head. All the nausea, cramping, constant eating and a million other imaginary symptoms turned out to be just the worst ERTOD ever and now I want to inflict violence on random strangers. Grumpy.

frustratedpants · 30/07/2012 17:16

purple you haven't recently come of the coil have you?

StuckInTheFensAwayFromHome · 30/07/2012 17:35

Sounds like a rollercoaster - i kind of know where you're coming from.

My story...
I'd been with my long distance boyfriend about 6 months and thought we'd always been safe. I had a regular as clockwork period and was due on the Friday. He arrived that evening and I wasn't too worried, but on probably the Saturday I would have mentioned that it was odd. Anyway over the course of the weekend we both were a bit tense but we had some good chats and although not good timing we would find a way to cope.

I remember clear as day my period arriving on Monday evening (whilst he'd gone with me to the dentist) but my biggest emotion was upset - I had no wish to be pregnant, the timing was wrong, we hadn't know each other for long, we weren't living together and yet I have never felt so gutted. He still talks about that day and he couldn't believe how upset i was - I even have tears in my eyes now remembering how odd it was that I was so upset I wasn't pregnant.

Weirdly it really brought us together as a couple - so here we are about 2 years later (we did end up waiting but we both were happy that we needed to get new jobs, live together and have a crazy overseas adventure) and are TTC for 4 months now... Fingers and toes are very crossed!

The emotions are crazy strong but I think thats part of being me and being a woman. I'm not fighting it anymore - my emotions and body want me to have a family with this man. In my twenties I think I was a bit scornful of women and their emotions but now I embrace it and life feels much better.

DaftOne · 30/07/2012 18:43

Thank you, you have made me feel normal!

I feel a lot better today. Being busy at work all day really helped. I think yesterday was particularly bad as I had nothing to distract me from obsessive thoughts. Also pretty sure AF is coming now... PMS plus an emotional situation is a very bad combo.

I really liked your story, Stuck. I am looking forward now to starting the adventure properly with my DP, soon I hope, and hopefully at a time when it will cause less shock/stress/anxiety. Purple, so great that your DP is on board! And it will happen for you soooon....

OP posts:

Purplemonster · 01/08/2012 13:31

Frustrated - no, on the pill but took some antibiotics which I know can stop the pill working so sent myself temporarily crazy thinking about it. Thanks Daft, only two more months to wait (taps foot impatiently) then at least I'll have reason to be obsessively peeing on sticks.

Purplemonster · 01/08/2012 14:01

I do think talking to your DP and formulating a plan might help, it certainly did with me as although I feel impatient (I have been waiting quite a long time!) at least I know we're working towards a plan/timescale we've both agreed to. It took a lot of talking to sort it out but it has helped soothe the emotional side of it all so perhaps if you talk it though it will give you something to look forward to and work towards for the future rather than giving you anguish now?

TheSilverPussycat · 01/08/2012 15:47

Didn't want kids (and was scared of babies!) till age 30 or so, when broodiness suddenly hit. Then H wouldn't agree. Considered secretly going off the pill, but didn't. Took 2 years to talk him round.

Flip

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