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Secondary infertility? Fed up and alone

(75 Posts)
Girly2508 Thu 26-Jul-12 21:19:10

Himthere. I'm hoping there will be someone else here in the same situation and I won't feel so alone! We've been ttc #2 for 2 1/2 years now. My beautiful baby girl will be 4 in November and I love her with all my heart. I have always imagined my family being complete with 2 healthy children. I feel so guilty for being disappointed when my period starts every month, and fed up of waiting again for another month. My dr has been pretty useless, I had a 21 day blood test which showed up as normal, even though my periods aren't every 28 days and vary from 24-28. I'm unsure how all my levels could've been normal when I must have ovulated earlier that month as I came on 3 days after the blood test. The dr just says it takes time - but seriously that long?! We wereso fortunate with my daughter as we conceived after only 3 month of trying. Plus I'm turning 30 this year so feel as if my time is running out. Why is it everyone around me can fall pregnant just like that?! I can't help feeling jealous when my friend with a 9 month old has just announced their 2nd pregnancy, and feel useless as I feel unable to provide my 3 yr old with the longed for baby brother/sister, especially as now she is asking when she is going to get her baby brother! It breaks my heart. Thank you for reading this far! Any advice gratefully received xxxx

sleepyhead Wed 22-Aug-12 23:30:52

Hello! I'm another one who conceived dc1 very easily (2nd month of trying at 33) and then struggled with no2 for no clear reason.

We'd been trying for 3.5yrs, and I'd just had my 40th birthday when I got my bfp last week!

There will be 6.5yrs between ds and his sibling if all goes well. I'm really bricking it as it feels very much like the last chance saloon - here was I thinking I was super fertile when ds came along so easily. Maybe not so much!

Good luck everyone...

hellotreeshellosky Tue 28-Aug-12 13:44:14

How is everyone doing?

I've got a doc's appointment next week and hopefully DS will do his next SA in next few days. It's not all over for this cycle yet but I'm expecting a period any day. Every so often I have a slightly longer cycle so I try not to get my hopes up.

I feel as though it won't happen for us without help now. I hope I'm wrong!

beanery Sat 01-Sep-12 09:36:33

hi all,

was really happy to hear sleepheads story. Congrats and hope it all goes well.

These are the kinds of stories I need to hear.

I am feeling down again, as I am pretty sure AF is on the way. (In fact, I can tell about 5dpo that I haven't conceived. Not that I am obssessed or anything!)

It's such an emotional rollercoaster. Some days I am convinced that I will have an another baby - I am only 36, so there must be one decent egg left in there, right? And won't it be so sweet when that baby arrives? And how lucky to have had all that time with my DS on his own to really spend with him before there is a new born on the scene?

My mum has a friend who ended up having a 6 year gap between here children because it 'just didn't happen' before that. She said that it was lovely when the 2nd arrived and her oldest really enjoyed and took an interest in the baby, rather than there being sibling rivalry and firefighting constantly when you have 2 or more tiny ones.

I like this story and this is what I try and hold on to, when feeling down. It's just the not knowing if it will ever come good that is so difficult. I agree with what someone else on this thread said about having a crystal ball - just to know that at some point there will be another child. In the meantime, I need to try not to panick that we are not doing enough (like IVF) and time is ticking away and it's all down to my dodgy body!

Anyway, here's to waiting for the right moment and the right month. Good luck everyone! Hope tests and everything are useful for people having them right now.

Otheregos Mon 10-Sep-12 13:33:29

Hello everyone!

Please can I join you !I am in the same boat as alot of you. Ds 17 months now and he was a happy accident. We've been TTC since he was born, but my periods are all over the place! I've only had 3 since he was born cycles varying from 56-108 days, at present on cd 72! I too feel time is ticking I'm 33, I also feel so disappointed in myself and let down by my body! It's all so frustrating! Been to see gp who did bloods , all normal, she suggested ov sticks which I've started using, however I've been using them for 60 days now so it's going to cost me! Don't get me wrong it will be worth it tho, I'm just annoyed at my body's inability to get pregnant, I never dreamed it could be so hard and an emotional roller coster! Good luck and fingers crossed for us all

hellotreeshellosky Fri 14-Sep-12 10:54:52

Hi all. About time for some good news on this thread isn't it?? It's not coming from me, not this month anyway...

beanery there is five years between my younger sisters, just because that's how it happened. My mum keeps telling me not to worry, it'll happen eventually but it's so frustrating.

I went back to docs and she has referred me for day three blood test and an internal ultrasound (joy). DH will get his new SA results next week and assuming we are not pregnant by the time all this happens we will be referred to fertility clinic. sad Still, next week is shag week and we're going on hols so I will be thinking fertile thoughts and hoping we crack it. I have reviewed dates and think I might ovulate late sometimes so will make more effort later in the month!

Good luck everybody.

WheresTheBrightSide Fri 14-Sep-12 12:26:45

I have to say (in the best possible way) Thank you all for being here!
Having just sobbed my heart out in the local park I really needed to feel that I wasn't alone and here you are.

Like many of you I'm struggling TTC DC2, but having struggled for 5 years TTC DS1 (IUI) I thought I was prepared for the heartbreak and would be able to keep my head in all this. But no, another 5 years have passed since DS, and the last 18 months of IVF testing has taken its toll on my sanity. Since Easter my FSH levels have just been rising from an acceptable 11.1 to a treatment-stopping 13.1 (yesterday). I consider myself a fit and healthy 40yo but evidently my eggs ain't. I'm trying accupuncture, chinese herbs, abstaining from alcohol, gluten, caffeine.

I've now picked up some further dietary adjustments to rid my body of toxins but would love to hear of what other people have done 'cos I'm struggling to work out what I can actually eat and how to get things like 'wheatgerm shots' into my diet.

Any good stress-release tips too? I reached the end of my dignity this morning as I got short-tempered with glam PG mum in the playground who's ever expanding bump and talk of planned caesareans to get her twins out sent me over the edge.... envy

beanery Fri 21-Sep-12 14:28:37

WheresTheBrightSide, so sorry you feel so low. I've been there - crying in the park too, feeling so left out and isolated. I really really feel your pain.

I dare not get my FSH tested again - it was 9.2 over a year ago, so dread to know what it is now. Having said that lots of women get pregnant with high FSH. Really they do! Hold on to that.

Have you heard of this woman - Julia Indichova ? Her website is called fertileheart (google it.) She got pregnant with an FSH of 43 at 43 years of age. Some of what she says is really heartening and also the testimonies from other women who have basically been written off by the medical proffesion. I think she has good eating tips, etc and positive visulisations too. I bought her book The Fertile Female. It is quite 'new age' in some ways, but I find some it really useful, mainly hearing about success stories.

You musn't feel like it is impossible for you to get pregnant again! Also, stress can really get your FSH rising too...and it sounds like you have been under a lot of pressure recently with IVF, etc.

We have decided to go all out with proper healthy eating, detox, etc and POSITIVE thinking (as I have certainly not been doing that recently) then if no avail, IVF in the new year.

Good luck to all, enjoy your holiday hellotreehellosky and looking forward to hearing some happy stories soon!!

hellotreeshellosky Mon 08-Oct-12 12:14:22

I have dug out this thread to say hello.

It wasn't my month (again). I have been referred for vaginal ultrasound (joy) and day 3 bloods. Unfortunately my period was just late enough to raise hopes and bugger up my blood test appointment so now I have to wait a month. Ultrasound is on Weds- anyone had it? DH's SA has improved but is still not brilliant.

I have been in denial a bit I think, time to read up properly on fertility treatment and raise adoption with DH. I have thought a lot about it myself but I'm not sure I'm ready to give up on pregnancy and birth (DS was a premature CS).

Wishing everyone luck this month.

hellotreeshellosky Mon 08-Oct-12 12:15:32

Oh yes, and I'm sure I need a detox after plenty of holiday booze!

Wistfulthinking Wed 17-Oct-12 10:52:18


Good luck with your appointments hellotreeshellosky - i have had two ultrasounds and they were both fine. The first was after trying conceive for more than a year and a month later I fell pregnant with DD1 whilst waiting for further the tests. DD1 is now 2.5 and we have been trying to conceive a second for 18 months. I so desperately want a sibling for DD1, having been so close to my own while growing up and i am finding it harder to deal with and remain hopeful.

I had day 3 and 21 bloods about six months ago and they were really good, while DH's SA we're on the low side of normal but ok. I then followed up with a lap and dye and hysteroscopy two months ago where they found and removed a polyp, but fortunately didn't find any endo. I managed to get pregnant the next month, but had an early mc at 5 and a half weeks. Today I started my first period after the miscarriage and feel very disheartened. We try so hard to get pregnant but all the trying, vitamins, opks, temping, sperm-friendly lube and healthy-living does not seem to get us anywhere...

So many friends now have 2+ children and I feel very alone in this situation. It's reassuring to find this thread and know I am not the only one.

Good luck to you all x

fairypangolin Mon 22-Oct-12 20:37:42

Although I would rather that we all had exactly the number of children we wanted when we wanted them it is still reassuring to read your posts and realise I am not the only one. I have 4.5 yr old DS and we have been TTC for 17 months now. Although all of my test results are very good (and my DH's are fine) because I am 39 we have been advised to go for IVF 'sooner rather than later'. So we are planning on Jan if it doesn't happen before then. I can't express how desolate I feel about this. It is robbing me of everything I enjoy in life. I have a very demanding job and I can barely keep up because I am so drained all the time and I can't tell anyone about it at work.

It took a long time with DS but we weren't really trying that hard as I was changing careers and DH was working away from home. I agree with the posts above that if you have had one everyone assumes you must be choosing not to have a second. When I was TTC with DS a number of my friends were also taking a long time to conceive but NONE have had any problems with their second (or third).

I have never had a miscarriage or irregular cycles or anything. I've been BBT charting and it's normal too. Just no results every month.

I spoke with a counsellor last week about my unhappiness and she said that unexplained infertility is one of the most stressful diagnoses you can receive. Also that I should try to see it as a medical condition since it is! Rather than feel guilty not having 'tried earlier' or that there is something I should be doing.

I feel like my life is on hold. Normally I take pride in my appearance and am always very professional at work. Now I can barely keep it together.

Wish2bamum Mon 22-Oct-12 20:42:52

Hi all have finally decided to join after googling clomid and reading lots of posts.
I'm 31 and been trying for a little bambino for 13 months.
In June I had ovarian drilling with no luck of conceiving and currently in my first month of clomid @ 50mcg.
(sorry I've yet to learn the abbreviations)
I'm day 22 and I feel so emotional and so tired ( I'm not pregnant as stupid me tested the other day, why I don't know) I can't help but feel maybe I'll never be a mum.
I know it's only 13 months and first cycle of clomid but ooooooooo I don't know.

Sorry to be so down be nice of some positives stories or any helpful tips that others have.
Also I'm not being monitored at all whilst on clomid. Is this normal?

Baby dust to you all

hellotreeshellosky Tue 12-Feb-13 17:41:35

Hello all,

Just reviving this thread to report that I got my BFP last week!

It's been over three years of trying. I had a very brief appointment at the infertility clinic in December, was referred to have repeat day 21 tests and HSG. I have had the tests, still awaiting the appointment for results but tested positive last weekend! Only early days but I haven't even had a sniff of a BFP all this time so am very happy.

I wish you all success.

tillyann2013 Tue 12-Feb-13 20:10:58

Hellotreehellosky, that's fantastic news, so great to hear. I've just found this thread and could have written every one of your posts. My dd will be 3 in April and it makes sad that she may not have a playmate. hmm
I hope all goes well for you and congratulations again xxx

rachie12 Tue 26-Mar-13 14:53:12

Hi, can i join in please? I have been ttc for 3 years now I have 1 dd who is 4 and I have been told me and my husband will not have any more children without ivf due to blocked tube, scar tissue and my husband only has 2% sperm mobility!. All my friends are now pregnant or have new born babies most of them didn't tell me straight away because they didn't want to upset me but I just don't know what im thinking, I was upset they couldn't tell me but felt like I hated them because they are getting what I want I feel so bad for thinking this sad I have spent all day crying today because another 1 of my friends has told me they are expecting and showed me the scan today and I have got to collect my daughter from school soon with all the mommies and there baby bumps or babies I don't want to cry in front of them so I put a happy face on. All my friends don't realise how depressed I am because I try to put a happy face on for them but then go home and cry especially when my daughter keeps asking for a baby brother because her friends are having them sad sorry im moaning I know I should be greatfull that I have one healthy child already and I really am but it doesnt take the pain away or make it any less.

Tinyflutterby Tue 26-Mar-13 15:49:47

Hi everyone, can I join please? I'm really glad I found this thread as I am feeling very alone and depressed right now and my dh is very worried about me as I have been crying for the last week since my sister just had a baby 'by accident' and I can't even feel joy at being an auntie as I am just so miserable at not being able to conceive myself.

My ds is 19 months and it took 2 years ttc with him. I had investigations at the time as my cycle is very long and irregular (34-48 days) but they were inconclusive. We havn't used contraception since he was 3 months old and have been properly trying for 6 months now. I had hoped it would happen quicker this time as I have already been pregnant, but unfortunately not so.

I have been back to my gp but they're not really interested as I had all the tests before and already have one dc, for which I am so grateful. That's the bit no-one understands, its like if you have one dc you're supposed to not feel like this and just accept it.

I'm at the stage I hate myself for the way I feel towards others, I hate my body for not doing what it's meant to and I worry that my poor ds and dh are being brought down by the way I'm being. Just can't snap out of it though.

Tinyflutterby Tue 26-Mar-13 15:50:40

Meant to say, I'll be 36 in a couple of weeks so time really is running out for me. Af due tommorow, dreading it.

fairypangolin Tue 26-Mar-13 20:38:04

Hi all- I posted when in a very glum mood in October but DH and I started IVF in January and it worked first time! I had a scan today at 11 weeks and everything was fine. So don't give up hope any of you. thanks

Totesamazeballs Wed 27-Mar-13 21:08:14

I have just come across this and have a feeling I ought to park up here. I am TTC#2, and although it hasn't been ages, I started charting my temps as I wondered what was going on and my periods have changed fairly drastically since DC1. I now have an 8 !? day luteal phase, and don't ovulate until 16-18.

With DC1, it took us 18 months and one mc. My luteal phase was 12 days and I tended to ov on 12-14.

WTF? Anyway, got a feeling it's all going to go Pete Tong with ttc#2. An 8 day luteal phase is a crapola.

farmersdaughter Thu 28-Mar-13 21:01:45

{sticks head in, takes a look for one more?}

DD is 2 and i've been we have been trying for yonks, I've had test and more test and then surgery inc several horrid biopsy, just waiting for the result.

Anyone else had a emcs?

farmersdaughter Fri 29-Mar-13 22:37:03

Oh dear have I killed this thread gringrinblushblush

Mummytothearkbuilder Sat 30-Mar-13 09:10:12

Hi ladies - I am also ttc #2 and have been trying since May last year. I did get a BFP in January but had a MC in feb hmm. My DS is 4 in a couple of weeks and didn't want a big age gap but looks like that's going to happen.

I have quite long cycles do the process seems even longer!! X

Totesamazeballs Sat 30-Mar-13 17:56:15

Hi Farmersdaughter and Mummy, I am new on the site so I don't feel qualified to say 'welcome' but just 'hello!'.

Sorry farmers that you have had a biopsy. Have you had the results yet?

Mummy, really sorry about your MC. I have had one too and the words 'absolutely gutting' don't really go very far in describing how it makes you feel.

Totesamazeballs Sun 31-Mar-13 17:02:16

Well, another month down the pan I think. I am moody as hell and starting to get period pain. Oh month....

Mummytothearkbuilder Mon 01-Apr-13 21:19:40

Oh no - sorry to hear that totesamaze - have some chocolate and a glass of something nice to help x

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