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After m/c - the [wine] and [shagging] thread

(1000 Posts)
FoofFighter Mon 09-Apr-12 13:37:14

Funthatisfunny, booboomonster, madeinchinababy - anyone else who's recently had a BFP sadly followed by a miscarriage - welcome smile

Me - got a shock BFP on 5th March, had early scan at 9 weeks (after I talked to midwife about feeling something was wrong, lost symptoms) on Friday 6th April showing baby had died around 6-7 weeks. Our little Widget left me on Saturday 7th April sad thread here

I have been wonderfully supported here on Mumsnet but especially by the above people who are sadly going through the same thing right now or waiting to, very special people to be thinking of others at such a sad time for them and their partners.

Although the baby was unplanned and completely unexpected, we want to try. And time is against us as I am 39 in June. So here we are. I'm not sure if we'll wait a period of time or just see what happens but having had secondary infertilty with my now ex husband for 5+years I do NOT want to get het up on BBT, CM checking, OPKS.

So in talking with the lovely ladies we decided that other threads were quite well established and to start a new one based mostly on alcohol and sex blush

Anyone is welcome, just jump right in smile
<pats sofa, fills glasses and recommends the reverse cowgirl>

Just found this link - so am going to carry on taking my Pregnacare and extra folic acid (BMI is 36) and extra Vit D (not prescribed, just taking as have been as near as dammit housebound for a year with a back problem so probably not a bad idea - plus other countries advise much higher doses than the UK does).

blueblizz Mon 09-Apr-12 14:49:15

I'll join. Hiya. M/C in Jan just after Christmas which was up there as the worst christmas ever. Been trying since. Started ovulation tests last month (narrow down the sex days as was getting ridiculous doing it every day just in case!!!) Thought must be preggers.... nope. I'm 40 so eggs prob slowing down. In a pattern of 2wks enjoying wine, 2wks not just in case preg. Anyone else joining us?

BuggerlugsTheFirst Mon 09-Apr-12 15:28:19

Do you know what. I think i'll join too.

TTC since Jan 2011, BFP 28th October and MC on 3rd Dec. Not a sniff on a BFP since and feeling, well, pretty down in the dumps about it all actually.

I'm 29, DH 30 TTC our first.

I always turn to booze when im pissed off, like now for example, i'm on the beer already!!

FoofFighter Mon 09-Apr-12 15:36:25

Hello, sorry you/we have to be here but you are both more than welcome smile

I've not cracked open the wine as yet, thinking after blood loss probably not the wisest of ideas but i reckon this weekend i will probably get rip roaring drunk and scream the place down. I need it.

booboomonster Mon 09-Apr-12 16:15:28

Hello Foof, blueblizz & Buggerlugs!
Really sorry we are all here, and sorry to read your stories. blueblizz - sorry to hear your Christmas was so rubbish, it somehow seems worse when these things happen over the holidays doesn't it, like someone is rubbing your face in it? I guess you must feel like that too, Foof - I hope that at least your partner is around this weekend. buggerlugs - how disheartening not to have had a BFP yet! Perhaps your cycle is just settling back in after MC? I really hope so.

I had my first MC two weeks ago. All a bit rubbish really but in a negative, pessimistic way I kind of expected something like that to happen. I have 2 DDs so felt pretty lucky to have got that far. Anyway, I had a complete MC at 6.6 weeks. Since then I've been a bit miserable but apart from that felt ok physically.

So, I guess I am just hoping to get updiffed again, like you guys. I have been consuming the wine and doing a small bit of shagging once I felt well enough to. I started temping, in a bid to see when/ if I am ovulating. I'm finding my cycle is chaotic to say the least - hopefully because of the mc and it will calm down. I've been telling DH I have a mutant cycle/chart. He's working this weekend, so not much opportunity for shagging, but we are on hols next week so hopefully make up for it then. There is a very very small possibility that I ovulated a couple of days ago, and we did DTD so you never know. I haven't used OPKs so relying on said mutant chart, which I think is rather unreliable.

I haven't told anyone in RL about mc, although as a rule I think it's good to talk about stuff, and demystify 'women's issues' like mc. But I just couldn't face talking to anyone about it. DH was a bit brutal very matter of fact so I've tried to be the same.

So here's (raises glass) to lots of BFPs and babies! (I am not drinking at 4pm with 2 kids to look after... but I will follow up with an actual glass tonight, though just seen you're on the beer, buggerlugs, so quite tempted...).

browneyesblue Mon 09-Apr-12 17:11:14

Room for one more?

MC at end of Oct, and MMC followed by ERPC at beginning of March. Still haven't had a BFN following the ERPC (my levels are dropping very slowly, apparantly) but I had a short heavy bleed a couple of days ago, so hopefully I'll be ready to ttc again soon. I'm 36 with a 2 year old DS.

For now, I'll have a large wine please!

ChuckleMonster Mon 09-Apr-12 18:49:02

Can I join you ladies, had mc in Jan then a mmc a couple of weeks ago. I am enjoying lots of lovely wine (and pate) at the moment while I am waiting for things to get back to normal so we can start ttc again.

funthatisfunny Mon 09-Apr-12 19:11:36

Hey peeps smile

Just marking my place; I had a scan a week ago that showed an empty gestational sac instead of my 6+6 week old embryo sad Of course, my dates were assumed to be wrong (used opks etc, pretty sure dates can't be two weeks out) so sent home for ten whole days to wait to see if a baby pops up. Am very much still 'pregnant' (lots of symptoms, also lots of cramping but as of yet no bleeding) and waiting it out until decider scan on Thurs shopws the inevitable blighted ovum (again).

Fingers desperately crossed that I do have a magic hiding bean in there, but the reality is that this is very unlikely sad Mc still to come then, but then am very much going to be here, very drunk and shagging away to get pregnant with another happy wonderful little bubba.

i do have one 2 yr old DS, who was born with an easy homebirth and a super straightforward pregnancy so this is a HUGE shock!

So sorry peeps are here because of shit times but... onwards and upwards - and welcome all!

FoofFighter Mon 09-Apr-12 19:13:36

oh gosh I don't know how you can cope with 2 in quick succession shock welcome to you both smile and I am so so sorry to hear about your lossesthanks

booboomonster how was it first time after? I think I would be quite likely to burst into tears!

I agree with you about telling people so anyone who asks I am telling them the lot. not being overly graphic but not fluffying it up either!

FoofFighter Mon 09-Apr-12 19:14:43

x post with you funny some things never change

funthatisfunny Mon 09-Apr-12 19:16:39

really sorry to hear you stories btw. It's all so fucking sad and shit.

funthatisfunny Mon 09-Apr-12 19:20:47

fuck we had to tell everyone and his dog.

DH was meant to be going to his parents and a wedding for the weekend, taking DS to see grandparents, all of which is at the other end of the country so had to tell practically everyone we know why we wouldn't be at the wedding or seeing family. Don't even now the groom/bride well enough to say we were pregnant in the first place so that was awkwardly overfamiliar info.

Bloody everyone is on uterus watch now. gah the stress and UG the pity when we see them at another wedding in 4 weeks time! Noooooooooooooo.

FoofFighter Mon 09-Apr-12 19:24:20

I am supposed to be going out for a bit on Saturday afternoon (to watch semi finals at pub) lots of friends there who know what's gone on, some who only know the mmc part who didn't know were were pregnant - I want it to be acknowledged and be talked to but on the other hand I don't think I could handle the pitying looks. I think I'll hide in a corner and then come back here and moan that everyone avoided me

ChuckleMonster Mon 09-Apr-12 19:54:05

I've been telling people all about it (bar the gory bits), people know something has been going on and there is no point trying to make something up to explain things, feel your pain on the uterus watch though funny - everyone knows we are ttc now and I feel a bit under pressure (as if I'm not desperate enough to be pregnant anyway!)

browneyesblue Mon 09-Apr-12 19:57:47

It's tricky, isn't it? Close friends and family knew, both about the pregnancies and the MCs.

In my case, found that setting the tone in advance helped. I texted/called people to let them know what happened, and they were pretty fantastic. I think most people will be happy to follow your lead. I was honest about how I felt (I was feeling a bit stronger by that point), and wasn't afraid to ask for a bit of help when I needed it.

Before I saw people in a group situation, I saw one or two beforehand and had a good chat. It made me feel a bit more confident in later group situations.

Be prepared for people to share their own MC stories with you too though.

Keeping my fingers crossed for you fun

Thanks for the link Foof. I've been wondering about what vitamins to take, so will stock up tomorrow.

FoofFighter Mon 09-Apr-12 19:58:38

We've already decided that nobody will know till I am at least 15-20 weeks and the MIL will be warned to not ask if she suspects, if i get a fat ter tummy, if I spew broccoli on Sunday etc, she is not to ask, when we are ready we will tell! nobody else knows we will probably try was going to say again but this wasn't a try!

ChuckleMonster Mon 09-Apr-12 20:32:33

I think we are going to tell people we are going to stop trying for a few months while we recover, in actual fact I am reading up on every conception tip / old wives tale and cant wait to get knocked up again!

wrigle Mon 09-Apr-12 20:43:00

Hi guys, I'd like to join if I may? MC happened mostly on Mother's Day (lovely day for an MC?). Just waiting for the chance to try again. Bleeding still off and on but mostly off, emotions still high and low but mostly forever altered (!). But am focusing (most of the time) on being that bit closer to trying again. It was our first attempt, we struck it lucky early on, it ended badly but we're hoping our early luck means I still have eggs, he's an older father I'm turning 40 in a few months. I told the world I was pregnant and the world was there to support us in the MC, it was right for us, and I will tell the world next time around too as the support meant the world to me, but I totally understand your decision foofighter, I just don't have the ability to keep my experience to myself! So, I'm doing the wine bit, we're waiting for the [shagging rabbits emoticon] bit. I've gone from being hey ho about a child to this being the Most Important Thing Ever In Life... Ever. That's weird as f* in terms of identity as prior to trying it wasn't on our trajectory!

FoofFighter Mon 09-Apr-12 20:47:59

hello wrigle, so sorry to meet you under these circumstances sad Mother's Day, how bloody cruel sad I am very thankful that Easter is on a different weekend each year and it's not like Christmas that is fixed.

booboomonster Mon 09-Apr-12 21:12:19

Hello everyone, and welcome to the thread! sad

wrigle - my mc was on mother's day too. grim eh?

It's weird about not telling people as last time I was pg I told all and sundry. But the first time I was pg I didn't believe I was actually going to have a baby so I didn't tell anyone until after the 12 week scan. But this time I had told no one, and I think I might have had a feeling it was not the same this time as previous pregnancies, though I can't put my finger on why. I didn't even tell my family, apart from my mum and DH. So once I miscarried I didn't want to talk about it partly as I hadn't mentioned being pg and partly because I didn't want the sympathy. I think if we are lucky enough to get pg again then I will mention it then, just to set the record straight, as it were.

Fun - really hope you are not joining us.

Foof - were you asking about first time DTD? If so - it was fine, to be honest it wasn't great, a bit uncomfy but it could have been me being a bit nervy, so I'm not sure. After the first time it was fine.

Wrigle - can I ask, (sorry if too personal in which case just ignor), are you waiting for first period before DTD? Or bleeding to cease? Or bfn? I stopped bleeding after about a week and didn't wait - was told I could just try again (though obviously don't know when I would ovulate etc).

Anyway, really sorry we're all here, but lets gain strength from each other.

Dorris83 Mon 09-Apr-12 21:19:06

Hi all, can I join? We had a mmc in Nov (ERPC), we hadn't actively been TTC, just stopped using contraception so the BFP was a shock, but also very exciting.

We have been actively TTC for a couple of months now and no luck so far. I know it is early days, but people kept telling me that we would have no problem getting pregnant when we started again, so I am disappointed that we aren't pregnant yet.

I was heartbroken with the MMC and told a few people at work. My MMC is not public knowledge though so whenever talk comes to babies, I get lots of knowing looks and jokes about motherhood and when i am going to joing etc. I never know what to say, so tend to laugh it off and try to change the subject. But as I am feeling much stronger about it now, I am thinking about telling people now, when they joke. Just saying something like, ' I was unlucky and had a miscarriange last year. So you'll understand that I dont want to talk about it'... I dont know though. People making baby comments to me are coming from a good, (if a little ignorant) place and I dont want to make them feel bad. But equally miscarriages are still taboo so I should do my part to talk about it, and make make people aware that their questions are actually quite personal and they should button up! what do you think?

Phew this is longer than I thought it would be. I did just want to say that I know what you are all talking about!

wrigle - I know what you mean about this suddenly becoming so important! I've never been so intune with my body! We are currently enjoying the [shagging rabbits emoticon] bit :-)

Got my fingers crossed for all of us!

Anonymo Mon 09-Apr-12 21:19:40

Hi All.

Can I join too? I am on the current miscarriage thread in the miscarriage section but have name changed here (sorry, crap name but couldn't think of anything that hasn't already been taken!). My boss has obviously been reading up (by some comments she has made about the miscarriage and other things I have posted about angry) and I would prefer anything else I write not be open to her!

I mc in March at 8 weeks. I am with the rest of you who are desperate to conceive again. I am 41 and, like the rest of you, can hear the clock ticking. DH works away a lot too so I really feel up against it sad

ChuckleMonster Mon 09-Apr-12 21:44:10

Dorris I think if you feel up to talking about what you have been through then you should mention it to people, at least they will stop making the 'it'll be you soon' type comments. Also, I know a couple of people who have mc before me so I felt a bit better when I miscarried knowing they had been through the same as me (and have had healthy babies since) so by talking openly you might help someone in the future.

Anon - I cant believe your boss has been reading up on you shock

Dorris83 Tue 10-Apr-12 09:48:56

anonymo, booboo and wrigle I just reread this thread and realise that your MCs are still very recent. I hope you are all coping ok and have people you can lean on.

fun I am so sorry that you are going through the stress right now- do you have any updates? Are you having a scan to check? I have my fingers crossed for you.

I am really annoyed about the TTC - I never really took much notice of my cycles before the MMC/ERPC but now I am tracking them and they are really long- we are talking around 40 days. I dont thinkt hey were that long before, but I couldnt say for sure. it seems like SUCH a long wait each round.

Post ERPC- did everyone's cycles go back to normal?

wrigle Tue 10-Apr-12 14:25:12

Hi everyone, thanks for the welcome. And yes, Booboomonster, you know though,I didn't really click that I was MCing on mother's day, we'd gone to visit my partners parents and had to leave early as I felt so uncomfortable (which was the begining of the MC event although we didn't know it), so up to that point mother's day was about other people, then once the MC kicked off properly (in the car on the way home - so disturbing, the things that happened in garage toilets), so it wasn't until I started coming out of the process Monday evening that I realised the cruel timing.

The reason we're waiting again is that bleeding has been slow to stop and partner wants to know I'm well physically before ttc. It's been difficult because I think I ovulated last week, and bleeding has been very off and on so I was keen, but he wanted to wait. I think it was right, I would have worried if I'd become pregnant and MC'd again that it was because my womb didn't have a chance to ready itself!

anon, how awful your boss reading up on you! Words cannot express my shock at that! And to then not even be subtle enough such that you actually realised - how are you managing that?

Dorris, I agree with chuckle, for different reasons, I've found telling poeple has given me space as I don't feel psychologically up to my job at the moment and poeple are ok with me taking more of a back seat. And yes, thanks, I have had a lot of very kind support, it's really brought people out of the woodwoork. I had to get used to the attention, as I'm quite shy, but I've benefitted massively from it. And also (sorry, keep scanning up and finding more to comment on!), my cycles were clockwork until we started trying, then my cycles went all over the place! Like that itch on your back that moves when you go to scratch it!

Good luck to us all, and especially for those who are ttc'ing!

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