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mid 30s, TTC #1, 2 years so far, fed up. anyone else?

(1000 Posts)
CaipirinhasAllRound Fri 13-Jan-12 18:51:14

Just wondering how many of us there are in the same boat

SomeDaySoon74 Sat 08-Jun-13 15:26:41

notnow - so sorry to hear your news. How are you feeling about it all? Divorce is shit, even when it's the right thing to do. (I'm on my second marriage so luckily am 'out the other side' but can remember how tough it was at the time.) I'm not sure what to say but I hope you have lots of friends & family for support. And there's us lot here too.
lesley - thank you for your message. I felt a bit shocked when I read it, didn't know quite what to say as you've been through so much. I hope round 4 of IVF works out for you.
I had a call scheduled with my GP yesterday and she said she wasn't surprised I wanted to be referred for tests etc and she would do the same in my shoes. She said I should get a letter in the next 2-3 weeks (-who knew Royal Mail was so slow these days!) referring me to see a consultant and they may well recommend Clomid. I really hope so as am fed up of month after month going by with no joy. I feel bad saying this but I really didn't want to be in my 40's when I have my first baby but it looks like that's rather inevitable (if I ever manage it). I find it quite difficult not being resentful when I see young happy twenty-somethings with their babies. Ho hum. Life never turns out the way you expect, does it?
Anyone got any good holiday book recommendations by the way? I don't want anything toooo fluffy, but nothing too worthy either.
Went to see the Stone Roses last night in Finsbury Park. Woke up at 11am when DH's brother rang to say he'd been up with his DC since 5.30am. There are some advantages to being child-free. hmm

dildoos Sat 08-Jun-13 20:55:09

Hi ladies , may I join your thread? I have been ttc for 25 months , have had 3 early miscarriages, 32 and a wee bit fed up needing company? I hate seeing other people in same boat but love the fact I can chat with similar ladies for a change instead of friends that don't have same issues confused . Hope it's ok xx

CaipirinhasAllRound Sun 09-Jun-13 07:53:23

Morning everyone and welcome dildoos, of course you can join in! Sorry to hear about your MCs, what's the plan going forward re TTC?
We're typically not the chattiest bunch but maybe that could change with some newbies!

How were the stone roses someday? I'd have liked to have gone but don't think DH was as keen. Have seen Ian Brown a couple of times and love him. We went to see Reginald D Hunter on Friday. He was good but I didn't laugh out loud loads. DH loved it but think it was more boy humour

I've just got us out of a weekend with friends using IVF as the excuse. They had a baby last summer and we haven't seen the baby and mum since then. I don't have a big problem with babies on the whole but I think I would mid IVF drugs and for a whole weekend in their house. Plus I don't like the other couple they invited enough to spend more than a few hours with them!

How are you feeling about trying again lesley?


SomeDaySoon74 Sun 09-Jun-13 09:38:18

Welcome dildoos. You're in good company here. Although probably not quite as many BFPs as the monthly ttc boards. hmm
Caipirinhas - Stone Roses was good fun. We felt a little bit intimidated by the crowd as we walked in (lots of groups of blokes of a certain age with a slightly menacing look about them) but actually everyone was really friendly and the music was great. Lots of old favourites - "Fools Gold" and "This is the One" were my favourites. Good work getting out of your weekend away with the tedious couple!
notnow - hope you're ok?
Happy Sunday everyone. Lovely not to be at work eh?

dildoos Sun 09-Jun-13 16:06:32

Thank you ladies, we have had tests but unfortunately just been advised to keep on ttc as Ivf would be costly and it's the holding on to a bean being the issue, have had tarot read and she said I get my goal grinmy mil also had hers read and she was advised we do have a baby but with difficulty so am holding hopes to anything! To date have tried reflexology, herbal Chinese meds, relaxing ( lol or not) baby dancing at least every other night! Please any more advice? I am neither under or over weight , balanced diet however do not drink enough water! Dies this effect anything? Hope you lovely ladies all ok x

missbrightside Mon 10-Jun-13 11:37:40

Hello girls

A real quick one as I'm "working from home" and so far haven't really managed to do all that much .......

Not Now I'm sorry that things haven't resolved and I do hope that you are ok. Sending you some flowers

Caiphirinas & Lesley It looks like you have now begun your cycles. Will be keeping my fingers firmly crossed for you both. Lesley I have thought long and hard about what might have made a difference this time - but there were so many different variables that it is impossible to say.

As I think I said before we actually - numbers wise - had our worst ever cycle (and - if I'm truthful - I do think we were very nearly on the wrong side of ARGC's statistics) BUT we did (albeit at the time reluctantly) have ICSI as opposed to IVF and I do now think this helped us getting (albeit just the one) better quality embryo .... ? I'm totally jumping the gun here but if we ever go through this process again we will ask for ICSI from the outset.

Welcome to the new ladies and apologies for lack of proper personals (I've had so much time off work recently that I'm having to curb my internet use during the day !!!!!!) From my now long experience of GP's I personally say that you should go to your GP and TELL them what tests you want to be referred for. Most GP's just don't have a good enough knowledge of fertility issues and you really need to be referred to someone who does with no time wasted. although I'm sure my GP has written 'Bossy' somewhere on my notes

Right - must get on !!! Take care all xxx

FabiOne Wed 12-Jun-13 21:32:35


Hope you're all well. Not been on here for a while but hoping you wise ladies can give me some advice. Went to our initial appointment at the London Women's Clinic last Wednesday. Thought it was going to be straight forward, have an ultrasound scan, DH have a SA and then get a date for starting treatment. Unfortunately because I have a heart shaped womb the consultant won't start Ivf until she knows exactly what's going on with it (whether its just got a septum down the middle of it or whether it is two separate wombs). Now I need to have another laparoscopy but with a hysteroscopy this time. My bupa cover won't cover it as I have had a diagnosis in terms of infertility of endometriosis and heart shaped womb. They may cover the removal of the endo from my bowel and my surgeon says he could do a hysteroscopy at the same time and I'd only need to pay 5% of the cost. The only issue is there's a risk of a colostomy bag which I am not sure is worth having a free hysteroscopy for. If I went for one on the NHS, any ideas how long the wait will be? I'm gutted that the start of our Ivf treatment is now on hold.. Grrr!

Sorry to start with a post all about myself but i follow this thread on a daily basis and feel like you knowledgable ladies may be able to help!

missbrightside how many weeks are you now? Have you had your early scan yet? For what it's worth, think you're right re: gp and telling them what tests you need. I asked my gp if I could have an AMH test and he didn't know what it was! The answer was therefore no and now need to pay to have it done privately.

dildoos have you considered taking low dose aspirin when you find out you're preg? I have been reading Zita West's book Fertility and assisted conception and there is a section on recurrent miscarriage. She recommends aspirin and sometimes heparin. Have you been to a recurrent miscarriage clinic? You should be referred after three Mc's.

caiprinhas and lesley hope your treatment is going well


LesleyKnope Thu 13-Jun-13 11:23:00

Hello all! fabione what a palaver you're going through! Makes me so mad, it really shouldn't be this hard to get the treatment you need. So I take it you can live with endo in bowel, no major health issues associated but if they remove it he can do the hysto at same time? I'd def speak to your local GP/health authority about wait times first before you make a decision. My first two clinics saw no issues with my uterus, the third spotted the heart shape insisted on lap/hysto (which previous clinics had refused me as I wanted everything checked but they said no reason to, too invasive etc) - well third clinic did it and it was apparently really pronounced septum, pretty much no blood flow (yup they took photos to show me!) and are pretty confident that was a factor in at least two of my miscarriages. Sorry - v long winded way to say, it's worth getting done and done properly. So really depends on quality of your local gynae dept v private - do some research? Be pushy phoning consultants offices?

miss brightside so lovely to hear from you! Glad all's progressing well & it gave me hope that if this round doesn't go to plan it might still work. I start stimming tnrw and am v nervous as I'm switching from antagonist to agonist this time, and all I can find on the net is really negative about it as a protocol but I have to trust my Dr right?!?

caipirinhas how are you doing?

Hope everyone else is well? Sorry for lack of more personals, i only check this on my phone and I'm a bit rubbish at scrolling up and down!

Bearfacedchic Thu 13-Jun-13 18:36:25

Hello! Haven't befnb

Bearfacedchic Thu 13-Jun-13 19:00:44

Oops hadn't finished. Bloody fat fingers.

Notnow-I'm so sorry to hear your news and that you haven't been able to sort it out. It's so shit. sad as others have said, you will come out the other side even if it doesn't feel that way or you can't even visualise it now. I know several friends who are divorced and while it has been hard, they have all gone on to have good relationships. It will be okay. flowers I hope you have people who you can talk to around you. Thinking of you. X

Hi to the newbies. Sorry I'm not on here that often. I spread myself too thinly! We've been Ttc for 22 months and we're waiting for a referral appointment in July. As others have said, I would advise anyone in a similar situation to put yourself forward otherwise you may just get forgotten. Our Gps sat on our referral form for 6 weeks because our fix was off sick. Since then our appointment has been rescheduled 3 times. So all that plus normal waiting time means we'll have been waiting for 5 months by the time we get there. hmm The system is rather clunky IMO.

Good luck Cai and Lesley!

I know very little about your problems Fabione so sorry I can't offer any advice; the others here are much more qualified and experienced than me though. Hope it gets resolved for you though.

notnowImreading Sun 16-Jun-13 12:55:05

Thanks for all the good wishes - I'm doing okay. Obviously not dancing the hula for joy but getting through the days okay.

My mum has suggested that I look into freezing some eggs, which I guess is the same as IVF but without the last bit. I've been looking online and can see that it is not without its problems but would, I think, be worth considering at this point. Brightside, would you be able to tell me how much you ended up paying at ARGC? On their website it gives prices but says that blood tests etc. are not included and I know there a lot of those. If you are able to give me a total for the IVF, I can use the price list to work out the difference. I think egg freezing is about £1500 less overall. I hope you don't mind my asking, and really hope everything is going along swimmingly for you.

Everyone, just want you to know that I'm still keeping my fingers crossed for all of you.

CaipirinhasAllRound Sun 16-Jun-13 13:12:18

Good to hear from you notnow. Egg freezing sounds like a great idea and def worth looking into.

lesley how are you? We still haven't started yet. Typically this cycle is dragging and then I don't start down regging until day 21 of next cycle. Reckon we're looking at ET mid august.

Nothing else much to report from me. Plodding on as normal

Sorry for short message and lack of personals, am on my phone in the back of the car with DH and FIL in the front, on our way to see Swan Lake


missbrightside Mon 17-Jun-13 13:25:45

Hello girls

Hope you are all well.

Not Now I also think that egg freezing is definitely something to look into. Our Bill up to our positive test was around £9k - but that included ICSI (£3,500 ) full immune testing and a repeat test (£1,200) and sperm fragmentation testing (£350). But I was only on a relatively low dose of stimming medication which did keep our bill 'low' (!) I would guess that you would need to allow around £5k-ish.


notnowImreading Mon 17-Jun-13 17:30:02

Thanks Brightside - I have been doing a bit of research and that sounds about what I thought for most places but cheaper than I expected for ARGC. It's bloody loads of money for something that has even lower success rates than normal IVF. I've booked an appointment, though - not at ARGC but Southampton. I just thought it might be more get-attable. At the place I've been looking at, egg freezing costs the same as IVF though is cheaper than ICSI. Might give ARCG a ring tomorrow now. They have a satellite clinic in Oxford that might be easier to get to every day than central London.

How are you?

LesleyKnope Fri 21-Jun-13 12:58:39

Caipirinhas - how was the ballet?
Notnow - Really good idea to look into egg free

LesleyKnope Fri 21-Jun-13 13:05:13

Grr- bloody phone! I was saying... Good idea to look into egg freezing. Just googled it & it sounds like it has v similar success rates to ivf. Might really help to take pressure off your current situation and give you some time to focus on you?
Brightside - hope you're well and happy? Thanks for info on prices at ARGC as it's something i'm thinking about if this round doesn't work.
So far this round is going ok, not a great many follies which is a bit disappointing but generally I just feel so worn out by it all. Running out of hope that it will ever work & my husband is doing my head in. He's totally not trying to cut out booze - so annoying!!
Have a good weekend all xxx

CaipirinhasAllRound Mon 24-Jun-13 21:02:06

How are you doing Lesley? Is your husband behaving yet? I have my fingers firmly crossed for you!

How is everyone else doing?

I had a scan today - day 4 - just to make sure everything is ok as meant to start down regging on day 21 but the cyst they saw before is still there and is bigger so they want me to wait a month. Am hoping they will let me go straight to the other drugs though so that I canines the down regging as said I have a flare reaction again I risk having to have another aspiration where they knock you out and drain them
Gutted just to he back at the not knowing stage
Oh well

Hope everyone's ok x

LesleyKnope Tue 25-Jun-13 07:18:31

Hope everyone's well. I hear weather in uk is a bit rubbish again? Any exciting holidays planned?
Sorry to hear about your cyst caipirinhas. I don't know much about them but might it go pass on its own? I was on the pill this time and apparently that helps prevent cysts as I didn't have to have day 21 check.
I go in for retrieval tmrw - v nervous as looks likely I'm having worst response ever! Will be lucky to get 6 mature eggs. Just hoping like Brightside it will be quality over quantity... Will keep you all posted as I don't share any of this with people in my real life!
Went round young offenders facility this morning & decided for my next career change I want to do something with young offenders! Bit random!!

CaipirinhasAllRound Tue 25-Jun-13 07:44:23

Good luck Lesley x

LesleyKnope Thu 27-Jun-13 04:06:53

Collected 8 and fertilised 5 and now we wait...

missbrightside Thu 27-Jun-13 08:45:18

Sending you really good wishes Lesley. You got a really nice number (not to few and not too many). Will be keeping my fingers firmly crossed for you xxx

Caiphirinas Sorry that you will be having to wait a month. Are they going to remove the cyst or see if it shrinks itself ? Hope it doesn't hurt by the way. When I had a laparoscopy in March they removed a really small cyst (2cm) that I didn't know I had - but after they removed it I realised with hindsight that it had actually hurt (I'd been ignoring the sharp pain I intermittently got !)

Hello to everyone else xx

LesleyKnope Thu 27-Jun-13 12:29:06

Holy shit! On drive home husband announced he doesn't want to proceed with transfer! He says he's just exhausted by the whole process, thinks we need to focus on fixing us. I'm just blown away as I've asked him repeatedly if he wanted to go ahead & if anything he was keener than me. He just doesn't seem to get that saying that now - when we've already got 5 potential embryos in the lab & we've taken $6,500 from my parents is just unreasonable! I feel nuts - I feel like if he doesn't let me go ahead I din't know how I'll forgive him. Help!!!

CaipirinhasAllRound Thu 27-Jun-13 12:46:58

Shit Lesley, he is so out of order saying that now! I agree, I would struggle to forgive that so it would do the opposite of letting the 2 of you fix your relationship!
I really don't know what to suggest, I am so sorry... What is your initial reaction?

CaipirinhasAllRound Thu 27-Jun-13 12:49:38

Would you be okay to go ahead on your own, as in legally not emotionally?

LesleyKnope Thu 27-Jun-13 12:55:46

I really don't know. I'm totally floored. I just can't believe he can be so decided on this and to decide now! Not sure where I stand legally or emotionally. I'll need to call the clinic tmrw, meanwhile I'm supposed to be facilitating a session at a conference when all I want to do is hide in a hole! I just can't believe he's asking me to do this!!!

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