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mid 30s, TTC #1, 2 years so far, fed up. anyone else?

(1000 Posts)
CaipirinhasAllRound Fri 13-Jan-12 18:51:14

Just wondering how many of us there are in the same boat

Bearface Mon 18-Mar-13 18:27:52

Oh bloody hell, Notnow. That's really shit. I'm so sorry that you guys are going through this. A couple of people I know had this very same issue and went along to Relate counselling and it saved them. At one point she said she would cry while they were having sex, which is quite frankly a massive turn-off, but she was obvs a bit traumatised by the whole thing. Anyway, they DID manage to sort it out though. They were on the verge of splitting too. I really hope you manage to sort things out Notnow. Sending you thanks and hugs. x

notnowImreading Mon 18-Mar-13 18:31:35

Thanks for the support guys. It is totally rubbish but am trying to hold my nerve for now. Will keep you updated.

Bearface Mon 18-Mar-13 18:33:13

We're here for you Notnow. x

missbrightside Mon 18-Mar-13 22:02:48

Hello all

Not Now I did send you a PM yesterday but then thought that if you only ever log on via a mobile you probably won't see it ! Anyhow, it wasn't very exciting - just said that hope you are ok and that things resolve themselves.

Lesley How did your egg collection go ? (Please don't feel obliged to answer. I quite understand if you want to keep things quiet) But needless to say hope you are ok too.

Is everyone else ok ? Hope so. You can all count youselves lucky that I'm being nice to you. Am in a foul mood. EVERYONE and EVERYTHING has managed to IRRITATE the hell out of me today .....

Really should have an early night but going to watch Broadchurch on ITV+1 instead. I don't normally keep up with dramas (as in I usually miss episodes. Not that I have difficulties understanding them !!) but I am with this one !


Bearface Tue 19-Mar-13 16:50:59

Miss B - Hope you're okay. Is there a reason everything is annoying you? Or is it just one of those days? You don't have to answer, of course. I ahve days like that when I just can't find my va va voom at all.

I'm going to watch the most recent episode of 'Broadchurch' tonight - very excited. Right now, I'm feeling awfully sleepy so might go and have a nap, then get up and do stuff later. I know this might appear very lazy, but I was in work by 7.30am and still have stuff to do later tonight too.

Hope you're all well. I'm on ERTD so no action here. Night night. zzzzzzzzzzzz

missbrightside Tue 19-Mar-13 17:25:42

I am fine thank you Bearface (as I hope you are too !) No particular reason, just irrationally annoyed by everything !! Went for a swim after work to 'chill out' and even that annoyed me. The pool was full of people training for a triathlon ... ! I'm in a better mood today !!

Enjoy your afternoon sleep. I LOVE a cheeky siesta !

Have received a report following my lap and hyst which confirms that they removed a (small) polyp and a twisted cyst (and I have the photos to prove it !!!) Tests done by ARGC have confirmed that I have a slightly underactive thyroid (so I'll be given thyroxine for it during treatment). Plus have got slightly elevated NK cells (but I knew that already). Good god, I'm falling to bits ..... !!!

Have a good evening everyone.


notnowImreading Tue 19-Mar-13 19:16:33

That's interesting, Brightside - did you have any idea there was anything to be removed? No wonder you have been feeling rougher than expected.

I fell asleep in front of Broadchurch and might have to watch it again to understand what's going on, unless someone can fill me in - not sure I can take the misery again. Apparently they kept the scripts locked in a safe and even the stars and crew didn't know whodunit until they filmed the last episode, so I'm buggered if I can work out what's going on. I hate the fact that the parents in it are so much younger than me!

My brother and his wife are having their baby tomorrow and a friend at work has just announced that she is pregnant. I am doing very well at being genuinely pleased for people. Maybe that is what emotional overload can do for you - all the small stuff that used to really wind me up is not bothering me at all at the moment.

Hope you are doing okay, Lesley. Thinking of you at the moment. Caip, are you okay?

CaipirinhasAllRound Wed 20-Mar-13 11:39:09

How are you doing notnow? Hope you're okay, keep thinking about you

missbrightside - how are you feeling about everything? what are the next steps?

Lesley hope you're okay too

what's ERTD Bearface? was it you who's writing a book? I've started making notes for one I'd like to write but have no clue where to start really

I'm ok, having another 'I hate but job but now isn't the time to change itt when will be, oh this is all bollocks' day.
The friendly cleaning lady in the Hilton at Paddington station loos asked how I was this morning (it's free to pee in there, 30p in the station loos), then asked how my children were!


missbrightside Wed 20-Mar-13 12:53:47

Hello girls

I have googled the symptoms of underactive thyroid and one is poor concentration ! So I'll now use that as an excuse for my ever failing ability to concentrate at work .........

Caiphirinas Hope you are well. Have you booked that holiday yet ? !! Am not sure what I'm thinking about our next cycle yet. Want to get going with it now - but am becoming increasingly worried about it being our 'final shot' (must keep positive, must keep positive). I'll have another blood test on day 1 - 3 (AF is imminent) and provided my FSH level is ok (they flucutate from month to month and ARGC will only let you start on a month they are under 10) then we will start down regging on day 21 ....... !

Not Now Hope you are well - and by now a new Aunty ! I'd had intermittent pain on my left side for a while (this was how I was able to get it done on my insurance !) but it came and went with no regularity. I'd mentioned it to the last rubbish IVF consultant and my GP (when discussing other things) and they largely seemed uninterested in it so I'd never been that concerned about it ......

Yes Bearface how is the book going ? I did a creative writing course a few years back. It was after work. People had to read out what they had written. It was strangely soporific and I used to practically non off in the class listening to them .......

Hello to everyone else.

Nearly the weekend !! I'm coming up your way on Saturday Caiphirinas to go to Bicester Village. It's not me that wants to go there - it's DP !! I hate shops and the general public at weekends and at any other time but we've been saying that we'll go there for years now. We've got a free night in a Best Western in Reading on Saturday night (don't ask !!) so thought we'd combine the two !


CaipirinhasAllRound Wed 20-Mar-13 13:15:10

yes we're off to Cuba in 5 weeks! We've so far booked 3 nights in Havana and 5 nights at the beach and might make the rest up when we get there

Go early to Bicester as it gets really busy and parking can be a nightmare. Personally I hate it but I'm a rubbish shopper and not interested in most of the brands but I know people who love it. Carluccios is good for breakfast if nothing else!

I've booked to see a consultant at our clinic in a couple of weeks to talk about next steps so hopefully we can start a frozen cycle once we're back from Cuba

lack of concentration? Might need to get my thyroid checked out......

Bearface Wed 20-Mar-13 18:46:52

Hi All,

Close your ears/eyes if you don't want to know this! Notnow - well, in Broadchurch the dad came up with an alibi for where he was but this then fell through and they proved he was lying. Eventually it turned out that he was shagging the Aussie blonde woman from the hotel. The daughter, Chloe, knew because she texted Aussie lady and told her that her dadneeded an alibi.

The police searched the dad's boat and found blood in it. Turned out that was Danny's blood and he had cut his foot a few weeks before.

Creepy psychic man was stalking the mum and eventually confronted her saying he had a message from Danny. She told him to do one, but then later she allowed him in and told her the message, which was not to look for the killer because it would upset her and that it was someone she was very close to. She then thought it was Mark (daddio) and confronted him. He then stormed out and went to the beach to meet Aussie lady. Wifey followed him and saw them together so now she knows that he's been having an affair.

Strange caravan woman is cooperating with the police but just about. Mark says his fingerprints were at the cottage where they think Danny was killed because he did a job up there on a burst pipe a few weeks before. But when they check with strange caravan lady she says that he didn't. Mark says she is lying. (Although we don't trust strange caravan lady because she had what we think is Danny's skateboard in her cupboard.)

Mr Inspector Man arranged to meet his doctor and it would seem he has an illness which it seems might be life-threatening.

I think that's the main gist. Phew!

Caipirinhas - holiday sounds great! Hope you have a wonderful time. smile Oh and ERTD is Evil Red Tide of Doom = AF. It's what everyone uses on the Just Shagging thread - sorry I thought it was general MN speak.

The writing isn't happening as much at the moment because of work, but I'm going to pick it up again over the next few days. I've written two chapters of another novel - I just need to get the momentum going again. I make notes everywhere and then eventually they become an idea and then a bit further on I start to write them up somehow. It's like a massive jigsaw puzzle for me and one that I'll probably be doing for years! I like writing short stories too, so I do those from time to time. I find them quite neat and tidy, whereas working on a novel can feel quite unwieldy at times.

I've had a beast of a day today. Stoopid decisions by stoopid people. hmmIt's all a bit wearing TBH.

Oh and DH has to go back to GP again before we can be properly referred. Again, stoopid . . .

notnowImreading Wed 20-Mar-13 19:11:54

Thanks for the update Bearface - that's great. Now I don't have to sit through the gloom again! My brother's little boy was born this morning and he is absolutely ecstatic about it. I'm feeling all detached - I really love my brother so I'm pleased for him but not really feeling anything about the baby. The photos didn't make me well up or anything. I am slightly disapproving of the name but that's all. He's called Theo Rex (I hope none of you know him!). I cannot believe that an intelligent member of my family would name their child T-Rex. It's just mental.

CaipirinhasAllRound Wed 20-Mar-13 20:27:09

Oh dear.... Well, Theo is cute!

Bearface Thu 21-Mar-13 18:55:15

Congratulations Notnow! I think Theo is a lovely name and people don't often use middle names anymore so it's just something a bit quirky when filling in an application form. I know what it's like when you don't really like a name, but usually it grows on you and the child, so maybe don't sweat it? smile I think it's understandable that you feel a bit numb. I'm sure this will change with time. It's just bad timing for you really. Again, I wouldn't worry. You can only feel how you feel and it's not your fault. Hang in there. x

missbrightside Fri 22-Mar-13 09:48:48

It's nearly the weekend. Again !

Caiphirinas Holiday sounds great. Cuba is on my list of places I'd like to go to.

Not Now Hope all is well. Is your brother a T-Rex fan ? My mum used to entertain me with her version of Children of the Revolution !

Bear Face Good job you were concentrating on Broadchurch. I never saw the wife follow her husband to the beach (DP was probably talking. He always talks during things he doesn't like. Very irritating). And I didn't have my glasses on so couldn't read any of the text messages .....

Right - must concentrate .......


notnowImreading Fri 22-Mar-13 17:41:28

Just injected my humira. Man, that smarts!

Bearface Fri 22-Mar-13 23:43:22

Sorry for the ignorance Notnow - what's humira?

Bearface Fri 22-Mar-13 23:43:58

Glad to be of service Miss B!

notnowImreading Sat 23-Mar-13 13:33:29

Humira is a drug to suppress an over active immune system, usually used for patients with arthritis and Crohn's disease or similar but in my case because my IVF doc identified that I have raised cytokines and NK (natural killer) cells, which may have been the cause of my miscarriages as my body fought off the babies as foreign bodies. The idea is that I inject this drug twice this month and the effect will last for six months, during which time we go for IVF and hope it sticks. The weird thing is that the leaflet in the packet says that you should use adequate contraception while taking it and for 5 months afterwards! I am trying to ignore that bit and assuming that the doc knows what he is doing.

Of course, it may be that DH never agrees to the IVF and I've just paid about a thousand pounds for a painful injection for nothing. hmm Still, I'm in denial and carrying on regardless with everything crossed he will change his mind.

To add insult to injury, I got stabbed hard on the injection site at fencing club last night and had to be a good bloody sport about it. Grrr.

Bearface Sat 23-Mar-13 21:28:45

Thanks Notnow. I didn't know all that. I really hope your DH comes round. Don't give up hope yet; he may come round yet. Maybe he just needs a bit of time to destress and let the dust settle.

Eek about the stabbing! I'm such a passive/aggressive wimp with things like that. I'd probably have cried and then gone in with my fists. Not that I'm violent or anything, just a bit feisty! Hence why I don't do something like fencing . . .

LesleyKnope Mon 25-Mar-13 07:56:37

Hi everyone! Sorry been a bit absent - just wrapped up in treatment fun. notnow did you & your husband talk anymore over the weekend? Hope you're ok.
How's everyone else? My day so far SUCKS! Just found out round 3 failed. I'd stupidly convinced myself it was bound to work - I mean who puts themselves through 3 f'ing rounds of IVF and it doesn't work?!? Me. Clearly.
Sorry for outpouring of rage & misery but seriously. I am so over this!!!!

Pomatron Mon 25-Mar-13 09:29:57

Hi everyone
Back from my hols and feeling totally depressed sad however I think being away was really good for me, I actually didn't think about ttc for most of the trip which almost made me feel like the old me smile and has made me think that maybe I should ditch work and travel.. Not practical i know but I'm a bit fed up with being a grown up!
lesley I'm so sorry about round 3 not working it really sucks sad I admire you though I don't think I'm strong enough to go through it more than twice (tbh not sure I'm strong enough to do it once!)
notnow I hope things are ok. DH and I have had so many arguments over this ttc with him saying there is no point cos it will never happen and I've been on verge of leaving a few times... But having confided in my sister she made me realise that no all couples have issues and fights no matter how perfect they seem from the outside... When is your lap by the way?
Hello everyone else

missbrightside Mon 25-Mar-13 13:08:04

Hello girls

Sorry that there isn't much happiness on the thread at the moment. Perhaps all our moods are affected by the weather ? A woman at work is convinced that everyone is depressed at the moment due to a lack of sunlight. Maybe she is right.

Lesley I was really hoping that this would be your time. No consolation but have some flowers. You have every right to be angry (I'm angry for you) There sometimes seems to be no rhyme nor reason why sometimes IVF works and sometimes it doesn't. Totally totally bollocks. Be kind to yourself xx

Pomatron Glad you enjoyed the holiday - but sorry you've come back depressed. DP would go travelling without hesitation - it's me that's not overly adventerous and likes being near to family !!

Not Now Hope things are ok. Is that your first or second humeira injection ?

Bearface Please pay close attention to Broadchurch tonight so you can fill in the gaps I miss !!!!! (actually, think I'll watch it on the internet over Easter when DP is playing golf so that I can concentrate on it !!)

Caiphirinas I can report that if you go to Bicester village during the snow it is nice and quiet ! Wasn't really my thing but wasn't my worst shopping experience (Yes Lakeland that was you !!!) Went to Oxford for the rest of the day. Am sure it is very nice to walk around in the sun but it was not very nice to walk around in the rain .... I was FREEZING !

Right - had a blood test this morning and am now waiting for ARGC to call to let me know if we will start this month or not. My phone has developed this REALLY irritating habit of intermittently losing signal at my desk at work. Fine everywhere else in the world. Just not at my desk where I sit all day. Obviously now I have to check it every 5 minutes ........ Arrrrggghhhhhh.


LesleyKnope Mon 25-Mar-13 14:14:00

Thanks miss brightside - will be really interested in your experience at ARGC. Your protocol etc might give me ideas for things I could ask for here in Oz. Already made notes to ask Dr about humira! I've been on prednisilone - but not sure it has same effect.

Trust me pomatron - no bravery involved. It's like an out of body experience, I can't quite believe I've done 1 round of IVF, let alone 3. I always thought it was for people with a 'problem', hell I got pregnant naturally first month of trying! But then, I realise that was over 3 years ago, I still have no children & I'm now 37 but it still just feels like it's just one more step away, if I just try one more...

CaipirinhasAllRound Mon 25-Mar-13 14:15:06

lesley I'm so sorry. As missbrightside said, be kind to yourself and vent at us all you like. I don't know what else to say but really feel for you

pomatron I feel thoroughly depressed today too. And was most of the weekend too. I'm not sleeping well and,am knackered which doesn't help. I'm guessing it might be pmt

Just coming into my train station so will write more later

A big hug for everyone though, sounds like we all need it xxx

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