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mid 30s, TTC #1, 2 years so far, fed up. anyone else?

(1000 Posts)
CaipirinhasAllRound Fri 13-Jan-12 18:51:14

Just wondering how many of us there are in the same boat

FabiOne Tue 01-Jan-13 22:49:56

Hello ladies

Happy new year to you all!

Sorry not been on here for a while, I have just read all the posts (going back to nov) and would like to welcome all the new people. My New Years resolution is to check this more often!

butterflyhopes82 you sound just like me and my DH, we must be 25 or 26 cycles in without a single BFP. Just finished month three of clomid and AF due tom. Thinking of having a month off it as read lots of stories of people getting preg when they have stopped it. Besides we only have three months of it left and a 12 month wait for Ivf so might as well spread it out! Hope it works for you too. How amazing you're a midwife, if I wasn't such a wimp I'd definitely retrain as one!

missbrightside hope you are having an amazing holiday and lots of sun, sea and sex! Wish I was somewhere hot now, rather than putting off going to bed cos got to get up for work Tom. A friend of mine had Ivf about 15 years ago and actually saw prof winston for a consultation. His advice to her was the same as he replied, find a doctor that you trust and have confidence in and that will give you the best possible chance.

Everyone else, hope you had a lovely New Year's Eve and that 2013 is full of lots of luck and happiness. Xxxx

MotherOfCleo Wed 02-Jan-13 07:45:48

the witch arrived sad
i am gutted sad
how can we dtd the four days prior to ov and twice on ov day but my egg miss all the swimmers. Im so sad now.

pearl81 Wed 02-Jan-13 12:44:30

@MotherOfCleo: same was mine. I ovulated on 16th Dec. We had IC on 13th, 15th and twice on 16th and continued on each alt days later upto 24th. We stopped after 24th as per suggested by my gyn. But unfortunately i got my AF on 29th Dec.

Feeling really sad and low. Its been almost 10mnths now sincev we actually started TTC.

I am visiting new gyn tom mostly as it will be my 5th day of my pds. Hope something works out ... not letting my hopes away...

MotherOfCleo Wed 02-Jan-13 13:06:13

it's so hard isn't it pearl sad bed you if I didn't want to be diffed and we were doing it this much I would be preggo a few times over by now! To add confusion to disappointment what looked like the start of AF this morning has just become pale pink CM, what on earth is going on! bangs head on desk in frustrated state I have a few light cramps so maybe it will turn into AF but since when does AF start with pale pink CM? It usually starts at its worst and gradually bodies in a right old pickle at the mo I think.
What's worse is I don't even have hope that I'll get a BFP as I got a BFN this morning (tested before I knew the witch was in town)

MotherOfCleo Wed 02-Jan-13 13:07:13

bed you = bet you (doh)

FabiOne Wed 02-Jan-13 18:19:33

motherofcleo unfortunately it's not as straight forward as doing the deed at the right time. If it was we would all on here be pregnant 2, 3, 4 years ago by now. Disappointing as it is at least you have only had the heartache for three months and hopefully won't have to go through many more months of it.

MotherOfCleo Wed 02-Jan-13 19:39:14

if only it was that simple tho huh, be awesome wouldnt it!

notnowImreading Sat 05-Jan-13 10:14:57

Right, holiday's over, marking (and therefore procrastination) has begun. I am currently irritated because my period is five days overdue, meaning that I will have to take time off work for my day 3 bloods and immunes rather than squeezing them into the holidays. My kids at school have an exam on Thursday and I really don't want to miss any lessons before that. Grrrr. Interesting how a really-quite-late period has now become a logistical annoyance rather than the source of great excitement it used to be, even last year. The whole 'less than 5% chance if conceiving naturally' thing has, bizarrely, taken the pressure right off for now.

Hope everyone has had a lovely Christmas and you have all been able to take your minds off things for a couple of weeks. I have really enjoyed the break. Seen all my family with minimal annoyance and watched a lot of DVDs. Highly recommend North by North West if you haven't seen it already.

Right. Back to the grindstone.

Dreamy33 Sat 05-Jan-13 16:04:09

Hi all,

I'm in the same situation as you notnow with trying to time appointments around school holidays. I'm currently waiting for period to arrive so I can book an appointment for HSG (needs to be done within first 10 days of cycle) which will definitely fall on a week day in second week back into term.

If you don't mind me asking, how do you manage to arrange time off? It always seems to be such a tricky thing to arrange at school without sharing the reason why with the whole school!

On the bright side, I think I would still allow myself to be a little hopeful about late period because 5% chance is 5% chance after all......!

notnowImreading Sat 05-Jan-13 17:50:51

Nah - I'm done with hope; I'm all about the intervention now.

As far as school goes, I have a very supportive headteacher. He and his wife had trouble having a child and he told me that he is not going to retire until he's got me pregnant! Hopefully he means that in a nice way...grin I wasn't sure about telling people, but everyone has been really good about it.

I can take whatever time I need, no questions asked, so I know I'm really lucky. I haven't pushed this yet, though - only one appointment in school time so far. We'll see how far the goodwill goes when it's more frequent. In theory, though, it's all good.

CaipirinhasAllRound Sun 06-Jan-13 12:48:27

Happy new year everyone and welcome to newbies
I'm back off the alcohol after Christmas and waiting to start IVF attempt number 2. As soon as AF arrives I think I'm due to start although not really sure when that will be due to down regging last time and cyst aspiration, probably in the next week or so. 2 injections a day - oh joy!

Hope everyone's ok

notnowImreading Sun 06-Jan-13 13:07:43

Dry January for me too. Think the enormous amount of booze we have in the house isn't going to make it easier as we go through the month, although I haven't been tempted so far.

FabiOne Mon 07-Jan-13 19:55:02

I am so proud of myself, I thought I'd share. Gone through all my news feeds on Facebook for the last few days and unsubscribed (but not unfriended) all the people who are pregnant or could possibly announce they're pregnant. I feel quite liberated in the knowing that I don't have to see another scan photo ever again!

That is all

Fabi one

MotherOfCleo Mon 07-Jan-13 20:16:41

nice work fabi i did that to my evil ex friend, worst thing is that she does nothing but moan about her 13 month old but is already 4 months preggo with number 2.

LesleyKnope Tue 08-Jan-13 08:32:35

What a great idea FabiOne! I wish there was a real life equivalent - everyone around me seems to be pregnant at the mo (or trying for a second), meanwhile 3 years later I have bugger all but an empty bank account! Husband and I also had a blinding row over new year - ttc just puts so much pressure on.

missbrightside Tue 08-Jan-13 09:32:56


Hope you all had a nice Christmas - and happy New Year.

We went away for a week and it was so nice to have a week away from everyone and everything .... back to reality now and gearing up for IVF take three .... got an initial appointment with ARGC next week so will take it from there ....

Did anyone watch the programme on BBC4 last night - The Babymakers ? Was set in Liverpool Women's hospital and documented the IVF process. Out of four couples featured in the programme only one got a positive result. There were tears (from them and from me !) Although glad that the programme showed the harsh reality of it all .....

Right - I know I always say this but have really got to try and concentrate at work this year .... will really really have to find another job if plan A does not come to fruition .....

Sorry for lack of personals. But Lesley we too have had more than one argument fueled by TTC pressure. It's tough. Have some thanks


notnowImreading Tue 08-Jan-13 18:29:41

Have any of you had an HSG, a lap and dye or a hysteroscopy? Just been to the NHS Gynae consultant and she has offered me any or all of the above. Our IVF doc has said that the hysteroscopy is helpful to IVF and can support implantation, so would definitely like that one.

I can have a hysteroscopy on its own in time to start IVF next cycle, or I can wait till March and have a lap and dye and hysteroscopy at the same time and delay starting IVF until after that, aiming for the Easter window of opportunity.

Does anyone think the lap and dye is worth having? Obviously won't matter about the tubes if we are going for IVF anyway, but it would pick up endo if there is any (no reason/symptoms to make docs think there would be).

WWYD? Is it better to have every test/treatment on the table before beginning IVF, or should we just get on with it?

I was quite impressed with the relatively short NHS timeframe. NHS cons was so lovely as well - wish she was my IVF doctor.

notnowImreading Tue 08-Jan-13 18:58:09

PS - good luck at ARGC, Brightside
Really hope it works out for you. Sorry to hear about the rows, Lesley - guess it's bound to happen to all of us, with all the stresses of this process. Caipirinhas, hope that it all goes smoothly this time. Great idea about the Facebook cull, Fabi - I'd never want to hurt any of my preggo chums' feelings by defriending but hiding them so you don't see the scans etc seems like a great idea.

LesleyKnope Tue 08-Jan-13 23:55:14

Hi notnow and happy new year!
I've had the lot - HSG when I started treatment 18 months ago as part of prelim testing (tubes were clear but I wonder if there was something minor it cleared as I fell preggers that month - although it didn't stick). I didn't find it too uncomfortable as a procedure, a bit like a drawn out smear test. But the test didn't pick up my uterine septum - how they missed it I don't know. But when we went to current Dr, the scan showed suspected septum & he said hysteroscopy/lap/dye is the gold standard as it looks inside & out of your repro organs - doing it together means just one op & one anaesthetic. The lap has left me with 4 v small scars on my tummy. I also, grossly got photos of the op as it's camera guided. But as he corrected the septum it was pretty painful in recovery & involved 4 days off work (1 day pre-op taking bowel 'cleanse' pills, 1 day for op & 2 days post op). For me, I'd been asking for lap/hysto for a while as I'd gotten so fed up with unexplained & wanted to be sure there was nothing else but previous Dr thought it was unnessarily invasive in my case - how wrong he was!! Anyway, I guess it depends where your head is at on invasive procedures - I'm glad I've done 'gold standard' as after 3 Drs, more $ than I care to think about & 3 years I feel I'm in the end game & wanted to leave no stone unturned. I just wish I'd insisted on it before my first or second IVF as it might have increased our chances. Good luck with whatever you decide x
missbrightside thanks for your lovely message & thanks. Really needed that yesterday after crappy day of announcements & feeling I'm stuck in my job, waiting for a pregnancy that will never come!
Good luck with ARGC appt - I'll be really interested in how you find it.
caprinhas good luck with the jab fest! Hopefully you'll lead this sorry pack into a more lucky 2013 with our first BFP!
Right, off to work, I wonder how much random googling today will bring?!?

notnowImreading Wed 09-Jan-13 06:29:59

Thanks Lesley - that's really good to know. I will discuss it with the IVF doc, but as it's on offer on the NHS it seems silly not to take it up. It might save us wasting a lot of money and emotion.

missbrightside Wed 09-Jan-13 09:02:41

Hello !

Not Now I'd definitely have the hysteroscopy. I've been trying to get one arranged through my health insurance (and so far have not been very successful). No one yet has told me I need it - but I've self diagnosed that I do ..... I think my GP is now starting to find me annoying but I really don't care !!

I had a HSG (which showed a blocked tube). I was offered to either have a lap & dye to investigate this further - or go striaght to IVF. The consultant encouraged the latter on the basis that irrespective of what they found during a lap & dye IVF would still be on the cards - and we agreed to this. But I'm now doubting absolutely everything my last consultant said because I'm bitter and am now wishing I'd had it done ...... ! Point I'm getting to is that I'd grab everything offered !!!!!


Sonics Wed 09-Jan-13 14:19:06

Can I join you lovely bunch of ladies please? We have been trying for 2 years this month hmm. Can't believe its been that long. We had initial tests done at beginning of last year (bloods SA and ultrasound) and everything was fine. I then fell pregnant in June but was told at my 12 week scan that it stopped growing at 6 weeks so had to have medically managed miscarriage. Horrendous experience!

So we've been trying again since September and nothing as yet. Thinking about now going back to docs for next round of tests so have been interested to read your recent posts.

In the meantime we'll just carry on shagging as much as poss. Also doing ov tests again this month which I haven't done for ages, but feel like I need to try something different.

Also thinking about acupuncture (must be getting desperate as I don't buy into any of the stuff) but my friend absolutely swears by it. Anyone done it?

LesleyKnope Wed 09-Jan-13 14:55:49

You know what miss brightside I'm starting to think self diagnosis aren't half bad - I wish I'd insisted on a hysto&lap much sooner. Is there any way you might still get one via NHS or insurance? Whilst tube patency is irrelevant if you're doing IVF - it's reassuring to know there's nothing else going on - septum's, endo etc - that might compromise the quality of your eggs and/reduce implantation chances.
Welcome sonics! Sorry you're here though and have had a rough couple of years. You'll find yourself in good company here. My first And third miscarriages were missed miscarriages so resulted in D&Cs - horrid, horrid, horrid. I think quite a few of us here have tried acupuncture. I found it v relaxing if nothing else but can't afford it at the mo as I'm saving for IVF #3.
Have you all seen the blog 999 reasons to laugh at infertility? It's really good!
Hope you all had good days. I had my first vaguely productive day in months - I wonder if I can make it two in a row tomorrow??

missbrightside Wed 09-Jan-13 17:04:21

Welcome Sonic - although sorry you find yourself here. I'm probably in the minority but I found accupuncture a total waste of money. Didn't find it relaxing in the slightest (but I am a bit of a misery guts) and it didn't get me pregnant ! I stuck with it for the duration of my last IVF cycle but won't bother for the next. It was £50 a session and I had at least 10 sessions. Next time I might just put £50 a week in pot and at the end of it all buy myself a mulberry handbag or something ....

(actually, probably won't as all our spare cash will be going on treatment. And I don't actually even want a mulberry handbag ..... )

Lesley My Doctor is next to useless (in fact, I really should find a new one). The conversation went a bit like this :

Me : I'd like a hysterescopy on the NHS.

Dr : No, you don't need one.

Me : I'd like a hysterescopy using my health insurance.

Dr : Yes of course you can. Probably be useful. IVF is so stressful blah blah blah (she's only chatty when you're not eating into her budget !)

Me : Can you write me a referral letter NOT making reference to IVF otherwise it will be excluded from my policy.

Dr : Yes of course I can.

When referral letter came it had IVF as every other word ..... Didn't even bother sending it AXA as it would not be covered ..... Need to go back and ask her to re-write it but this all happened just before Christmas and I had lost the will .....

Anyhow, as you can see I am NOT having a productive day .......


notnowImreading Wed 09-Jan-13 18:33:37

Fight the power, MissBrightside! I'm definitely in the mood to grab what I can on the NHS, so that probably means all the IVF needs to be delayed until we're finished with that. I'm a bit sad about that but I think I will feel more positive if everything else has been checked out.

AF finally kicked in today - day bloody 39! I have done very well not getting my hopes up this month though and stoically resisted testing etc. I know it was because I was due more tests during this cycle and my body was resolutely refusing to cooperate. Alternatively, it was helpfully allowing me to be in work until the exam tomorrow is out of the way. Maybe it's that. wink

Hello Sonics - welcome aboard. Acupuncture is woo - don't be sucked in by the witches (unless you actually like the feeling, in which case it can't hurt). I'm with Brightside on this one - waste of money.

Good luck with everything, everyone. Courage, and all that.

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