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Tell me about your decision to stop TTC

(16 Posts)
tanfastic Fri 13-Jan-12 11:34:52

We've been ttc no2 for four months now so on cycle 5 with no luck so far. Ds1 was easy to conceive in first month. I'm 38 (39 in April) and dh is 46. Our ds is 3.8. We'd been umming and aahing for ages about whether to have another and so decided we'd leave it up to nature but agreed due to our ages we wouldn't want to try for aged.

How did you decide when to stop? I'm not obsessive about having another, it would be nice but I'm grateful for the gorgeous one I've got.

We are enjoying the sex without a condom though and so think that if we did stop a vasectomy or some other sterilisation would have to happen as I can't go on the pill and we really hate condoms so hardly ever have sex when we have to use one!

I was going to get ovulation sticks and start using them for a couple more months and see what happens but after that I'm not sure. I'm not interested in any kind of investigation or GP referral so if it doesn't happen we will just forget the idea. I don't want to have a baby really in my forties to be honest, not that I'm against it, just my personal decision.

How did you make your decision to stop ?

rookiemater Fri 13-Jan-12 12:16:41

Hi there, our decision not to have a second DC was kind of made for us as I have endometriosis and despite having two ops and going through hormone treatment it didn't happen and I was in increasing pain each month.

Like you because we had a child and because of my age I didn't want to go down the more invasive medical routes so we just had to call a halt really.

In your case you have only been trying for four months so why not agree to try for a full calendar year, or if 40 is a marker in your mind then 9 months before your 40th.

Good luck whatever you decide.

tanfastic Fri 13-Jan-12 14:03:37

Rookie, that was kind of what I was thinking, give it another few months and stop at nine months before I hit 40 smile

beangrower Fri 13-Jan-12 14:14:03

Hi OP - you're in an enviable position - not obsessive. Why not decide that you are not TTC but if you get pg then it's not a problem? (So redefine your situation?)

I have been TTC no.2 for a year. My DS is 23 months old. I got pg straight away at 37 but have just turned 40 and age has to be the obvious factor. TTC for a long time is dreadful and whatever tricks you try - ov sticks etc - I think it's either just meant to be or not.

However, I have failed on the obsessive front and still feel that with a v healthy lifestyle and acupuncture that I'm in with a chance over the next few months.

I don't think there's a problem with having a baby in your early 40s, these days (I seem to know loads of women who have) but if you don't want to then time to get the contraception sorted by July and just relax until then.

tanfastic Fri 13-Jan-12 15:56:19

I think for me also is not just my age but dh aswell, he's 8 years older than me. I dunno some days I really can't imagine not having two children but other days I love our life as it is so don't feel I'd be massively upset if I had to draw a line under it ( my mother would be devastated though!).

I do feel a flicker of disappointment when my period arrives though and do feel a certain amount of pressure to get pregnant soon because of the age thing.

2ndtimeroundandfeelingclueless Fri 13-Jan-12 16:32:37

After 2 years of trying ( 2 miscarriages, one at 12 weeks a day before the scan), we got to the point that @beangrower suggests, and decided to look at it differently. Our daughter was 3.5 year at the time and I started to feel it would be ok if she was the only one (we have a lovely life) and that if things did happen and I got pregnant that would be great and not a problem. I stopped checking dates, reading on-line advice and brought some nice clothes (stopped thinking I couldn't buy things, plan things because I would soon be pregnant). Obviously there were a few tears, up and down times but it felt ok to let go of being someone who was ttc ..... and 6 months later I got preganant - maybe it would have happened if I had kept checking the dates etc, I don't know but I have definately been a happier person without that nagging voice at the back of my head.

beangrower - I think healthy living and accupunture really helped me stay sane and were one of the better aspects of ttc ( the obsessive counting days and early pregancy test - not so great). Really hope it works out for you x

beangrower Fri 13-Jan-12 17:48:15

That's a lovely story 2ndtimeround - thanks for sharing, though sorry about the 2MCs. Brave and positive step to choose to let go. And CONGRATS - so exciting about the new bean.

I agree re' healthy living helping the brains/emotions. I will find it hard to give up acupuncture (though not the cost of course) when if I do decide that the shop is definitely shut.

Thanks for encouragement. I think like you say - our lives are lovely (in my case with a v gorgeous healthy DS) so what's to feel miserable about? But there will always be ups and downs, usually around AF time.

Tanfastic <good tag!> - I think you may find it will all work out anyway. There's no pressure, just see what happens. You have a + attitude and that will stand you in good stead.

MsGee Fri 13-Jan-12 18:06:39

We have stopped, since DD (3.9) was born I desperately wanted another. Two mcs, then took a break. Got pg last March then found out at 12 weeks baby had anencephaly and was advised to terminate.

It's been a heartbreaking decision but given my age (37), previous mc and now increased risk of a child with spina bifida, we won't try again.

I'm coming to terms with it, focusing on positives of having an only and booking hols.

However (and I guess this is the relevant bit for you) ... There is a sense of relief that the decision is now made - and there will be no new heartache. But only you can decide when you're at that point

duchesse Fri 13-Jan-12 18:14:09

We were trying for for number 4 for 5 years with nothing more to show for it than 1 mmc, a series of likely chemical pregnancies (I stopped buying tests in the end as was too depressing to lose pregnancy after pregnancy after pregnancy at the 5 week mark), and a journey to the edge of madness. I gave away all my remaining baby clothes to friends who'd just had babies. I drew a line under the whole sorry saga (was 40 by then). I fell pregnant the next month. That pregnancy is now 2.4 and delicious.

beangrower Fri 13-Jan-12 18:25:48

Commiserations MsGee - very hard for you but glad you have found some relief.

Cool story Duchesse - though v tough 5 years for you too.

1 year ttc seems like peanuts in comparison...

duchesse Fri 13-Jan-12 18:34:34

It was over 6 years since we started trying by the time she was born. (started trying June 2003, she was born end August 2009).

nellie02 Fri 13-Jan-12 18:38:12

tanfastic, I think four cycles is a really short time to be ttc for, somewhere (nhs?) is a table of how long it takes on average at each age. And six months isn't worrying.

but other points you and others have raised are valid, health concerns for you and baby etc. I really like the thinking of ' stop actively trying and let what happens, happens'.

all the best, either way.

HSMM Fri 13-Jan-12 18:42:17

Stopped trying after 2 yrs. Decided that it wasn't going to happen. Spent all our money on a new house and a fabulous holiday, then found out DD was on her way 6 months later. She is a fantastically spoilt only child grin

Livingwiththefamished Fri 13-Jan-12 19:12:50

I'm trying for my second child with DP. I'm 41, 42 this year. We've agreed that if it doesn't happen this year then we stop.

Diana1998 Tue 13-Mar-18 18:34:12

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Tanfastic Tue 13-Mar-18 19:14:11

Wow, can't believe this thread of mine has been resurrected from 2012!

If anyone wants an update, I did stop ttc, 44 now and quite happy with our big little boy we have 😊👍🏼

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