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don't you just hate it when....

(9 Posts)
TreacleChops Sat 08-Oct-11 12:57:01

Sorry if it's a long one....

But, don't you just hate it when.... You've been TTCing for 18+ months and it feels like EVERYONE around you, even the people that you thought would never want kids are pregnant?!

It just makes me want to scream sad

The other day, myself and my DP had another pregnancy announcement to add to the ever growing pile of couples that have been successful so far.

There are 3 ladies in my DP work place who are nearing the end of their pregnancy - due Jan ish time.

One of my close work mates is expecting her first child in Feb.

My sister in law announced her pregnancy two weeks ago (high flying job etc etc, didn't expect her to ever have children) = mega shock to system.

Closest friend from school announces her DC3 to the world about a month or so ago, due the same time as my sister in law.

Then a close family friend just announced she's 8 weeks pregnant with DC2.

We had two announcements just this week from the pile above and it just makes me feel like "the busses have been and gone and i've fell asleep at the bus stop".!!!

Although that all the pregnancies are AMAZINGLY HAPPY NEWS it still makes me feel totally gutted and that it will never happen to me. sad

When i spoken to DP about how i feel he just said "it'll happen one day" - dead laid back approach and didn't seem as bothered as i was, until last night.....

When we had our third pregnancy announcement of the week.....

DP's ex is now three months pregnant (found out from other sister in law, DP ex is her boss).

I was the usual, happy smiley, thats great news, but hoping inside that it would kick DP into some realisation of how I'm feeling about all the other pregnancies.... and it did!

He was very subdued last night, and started talking about all of above.... We're due at the GP's in a couple of weeks for a appointment to see if our bodies are working properly, but in the mean time i just wanted to let off a little bit of steam which has been building up, and no one until last night understood how i was feeling.

Once again, sorry for the long story!

highlove Sat 08-Oct-11 13:08:33

It's thoroughly shit, isn't it? I'm really sorry not have any useful advice other than to say there are lots of people here who understand and you need to be kind to yourself - if it's bloody unfair and it's ok to be totally fucking livid down about it. Doesn't make you a bad person and you can be pleased for others at the same time as sad for yourself.

I had six good friends announce they were all due within four weeks of each other around the same time we were told IVF was our only option. It turned out that diagnosis was wrong but here we are 14 months later, not a sniff of a BFP and I know at some point soon the round of second babies will begin. It's not fair.

Take good care of yourself and fingers crossed for you - it's early days for you and the reality is that most of us will end up with what we want. It's just shite what we have to go through to get there.

Xx

TreacleChops Sat 08-Oct-11 13:17:58

Highlove, i feel for your sadness.... thats a horrible stress you've had to put yourself and your partner through. big hugs x

And your right. it is completely shite.... i'm so glad dp understands where i'm comming from now because before last nights announcement i was starting to think "maybe i'm becomming psychotic and my feelings arn't real".

Also, i know lots of women go through the same on here and glad i have everyone's support.

I feel down right awful being so "sad" and not as excited for people when they announce their pregnancies... before the times of TTCing i used to get so excited for everyone that was pregnant because it is a little tiny miracle.

Now i just feel happy for them, congratulate them and then turn into the green eyed jealous monster that i've become. I'm not a jealous person, i'm not a nasty one either but all these announcements have just made me green to the core. sad

highlove Sat 08-Oct-11 13:40:13

I was the same treacle, used to be so excited for friends who were pg. I'm actually in a better place now than I was six months ago, but my lovely DH does sometimes have to say to me "this isn't you" when I have been feeling bitter. I went to a party a few weeks ago and saw a couple of people who I hadn't seen for ages and didn't know they were pg but they were quite far along and properly showing; I chatted away to them and was lovely to catch up but i didn't once mention or even acknowledge that they're pg. I felt a bit of a cow afterwards but was having a really awful few days (period had turned up) and just couldn't bring myself to talk to someone about their exciting news. But otherwise I honestly am doing a bit better!!

I think I read on here something that I try to remember: that there arent a finite amount of pregnancies and nobody can have 'my' baby - that is other people getting pg doesn't mean that there's less chance I will or they're 'having my turn', ifyswim! Think I need to remind myself of that!!

Sorry you're in the same boat treacle. When are you seeing the GP?

HaveALittleFaithBaby Sat 08-Oct-11 14:13:57

Oh yes, after 22 months I know that feeling.
People who announced pregnancies when you first started trying are now announcing their second dc is due sad sometimes it feels like you're getting left behind.
It's tough when people get pregnant without trying! I still struggle to deal with that.
If want a place to hide, pop over to the hut of gloom and doom in infertility.

TreacleChops Sat 08-Oct-11 14:39:24

Highlove,

Ive done the same as you at parties as well.... i know i haven't been ttcing as long as you have, but i think it hurts even the most strongest of people.

To top off the fact that we've had three announcements this week AF turned up last Saturday, so i've been hearing about all these new mums to be, while ive been on sad and it's so unfair... especially the girl who is only 7 weeks because, we would have been pregnant and due around the same time!!!

You do feel like a complete cow but i just don't know what to say to them because it just hurts me!!! - then u feel selfish and like your not ur usual happy self.

And you can hardly turn around to people and say "I've been trying for a baby since March/ April 2010!!!" when they've turned around to you and said "i only came off the pill in Jan" - ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Got an appointment booked with Dr mid November.... so a bit of a wait to go yet too sad

Faith Baby,

Ive had two friends done that recently and i know how hard it is sad and u do feel left behind... But 22 months is a long time - have u been to Drs?!

Like i said before Faithbaby, i hate it, i get a horrid feeling in the pit of my tummy when someone slips in that they only came off the pill, had one propper period and got pg sad

And yes, i might take you up on that offer of the hut of doom and gloom, i was looking for a correct place to let off steam and i might go over their for some added extra support.

Although, ladies so far you have been amazing smile

HaveALittleFaithBaby Sat 08-Oct-11 15:48:28

Oh yeah we're under investigation! Had lots of tests and waiting for DH's appt with a specialist.
I don't know what I'd do without MN. We were ttcing for a year before I got on here. It's such a relief to know others are in the same boat. It's also made me much more informed. Actually it's made me realise how blessed we are.

nearlymumofone Sat 08-Oct-11 19:27:02

This may be no help at all, but my friend was in the same position as you, had been ttc for 18months+, everyone around her was getting pregnant, it was so unfair, she told me the other day that she's 13 weeks and just had her first scan! So so pleased for her. It's hard but try not to give up hope.

Good luck, and I am keeping fingers crossed for all of you x

TreacleChops Sun 09-Oct-11 16:15:18

Thanks Mumofone,

Gives you that little bit of hope that it will happen!!!

I've resulted in asking my "angel" to help me along :P

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