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fed up with being asked

(8 Posts)
nellie02 Fri 07-Oct-11 13:55:22

just a moan...

Not been on here for a while as trying not to focus too much on ttc, but need a little moan!

We've been ttc for almost 8 months now. At first we were only half heartedly trying but that quickly turned into really wanting a family! The first few AFs were really heart breaking but I've kind of got to the stage now where I don't expect to get pregnant and so I'm not surprised when AF does arrive.

I do have some gynae issues, endometriosis and I've had a few nasty cysts in the past. So I never expected it to happen straight away. but I really don't want to go down the medical route too quickly.

We've not really told anyone we're trying, apart from I've told one friend who is also ttc. My mum and sister both got pregnant really easy and are quite unsympathetic to those struggling to conceive. We're getting married next spring so luckily no one is guessing that we're ttc, but already the questions are coming and it's breaking my heart. And I've just been to get my flu jab and I know I shouldn't feel humiliated, but I did when the nurse asked if I was ttc and I said yes, but it's been 8 months and AF arrived this morning so it's clearly not working.

Sorry to moan, but it's all a bit too much today!

millyv Fri 07-Oct-11 14:19:37

Please don't feel sad, I know it's really hard but you have to try and stay positive!

I am in a similar situation to you, we got married earlier this year and had been trying half heartedly until the second time I got my AF and cried myself to sleep after sinking quiet a few glasses bottles of wine to myself! After that we decided to properly go for it and have been for the past 6 months, after a few months of literally going insane I am slowly starting to get my head around the fact it is going to take us a little longer than other people but it will be worth it in the end and I don't want to have look back on all of the ttc months as lost months of insanity and depression!

On the flip side to your situation as we got married this year and since then a lot of friends/relatives have announced 'surprise' pregnancies and that hasn't helped my head, also because of this people keep asking when are we going to expect one from you and all of the other lovely questions that make you want to burst into tears and scream I don't know I'm trying my hardest!!! One helpful aunty asked what we were doing wrong in the bedroom???? Some people can just be very insensitive and I think the sooner you can learn to ignore it the easier it will be not to go insane!

My a/f is due on Sunday, most months I think I have been hallucinating early pregnancy syptoms, spent loads on pregnancy tests for them all to say nope not this month! This month I have absolutely no symptoms so my hopes are not up too much, on the plus side I am visiting my beautiful 3 day old neice this weekend and if I'm not pregnant I'll be making the most of the champagne!

I'm not sure if this has helped you at all but I felt I had to rely just to let you know you are not on your own in the way that you are feeling but you really do need to try and stay positive - this coming from the woman who wanted to kill my mother every time she lectures me about' stay calm, keep relaxed and positive and it will happen!'

Good luck with everything, may be you could take your mind off it by planning and focussing on your wedding?


flixy102 Fri 07-Oct-11 15:39:41

We've only been married 4 months and EVERY time we go to visit the in laws they ask am I pregnant yet!!!
I also have some gynae 'issues' which I don't feel I need to disclose to my MIL or SIL and it just winds me up that they could be so insensitive but I suppose people who have never had problems genuinely just don't think that way.
Rant over! But I know where your coming from.

Angel786 Fri 07-Oct-11 16:14:13

Oh it sucks doesn't it. I used to just throw every one waaay off track when we were ttc by saying I was too young / selfish / there was no space so where would be put a baby - in the bath ha ha. Inside I was upset each time I was asked as it took us 10 months, my friends were pg much quicker when ttc at the same time.

You know when it happened? When I officially gave up ttc! As soon as my body said f-it (literally!) I'm not trying anymore.

I know you said you had some gynae issues. Have you tried ov sticks? They def helped me as my AF is v irregular.

Stay strong and plan that wedding wine

HaveALittleFaithBaby Fri 07-Oct-11 19:52:08

It sucks indeed. I guess its espevially tough re your family. Mine sister conceived fairly quickly but she tries to be sympathetic.
We've been.married 3 years and ttc nearly can imagine how much we're asked! To be fair once you tell people you're trying, they ask for a while then stop because they realise it's been so long sorry I get a bit jaded sometimes
You learn how to respond to people after a while. Learn how to shut them up. I like saying 'oh we're trying. What contraceptives do you use?' I don't but I wish I had the bottle Saying its a sensitive issue is usually enough. Hope it happens soon.

Zara1984 Fri 07-Oct-11 21:26:06

I'm not TTC yet (waiting till next year to start) but I understand and sympathise. DH and I have been together 10 years, married for 4 and everyone, I mean EVERY-BLOODY-ONE and their dog asks us about why we don't have kids. As if it's any of their fucking business. We even get the "if you EVER have children then you should..." or "I guess you're wanting to be one of those childfree types"... or even "maybe you're doing it wrong" (WTF!)...

I've only confided in one friend (who lives on the opposite side of the world, therefore only contactable by Skype) vaguely of our TTC plan. The story for the rest of close friends and family is "ahhh we'll see... maybe in a couple of years" (in reality, hopefully, #1 by 2013).

If they only bloody knew we have tried to plan out when we will start TTC until after we've paid off debt, have some kind of financial/emotional stability etc etc. If we take some time to conceive I can't even imagine how much more unbearable these kind of inappropriate comments will be.

They're all stupid fuckers. All I can recommend is to learn the art of deft segues (like I have...asking people something about themselves usually works). And then hope something annoying happens to them that day.

nearlymumofone Sat 08-Oct-11 19:30:46

Just to let you know I also have endometriosis and had some very nasty cysts. I was ttc for 6 months then fell pg with ds. Don't give up hope. You'll get there. It's difficult for it not to be all consuming and it's awful how people ask such personal questions but try to relax- i fell pregnant the month I'd been told I needed an operation to remove a large cyst and couldn't get pregnant. Good luck x

eurochick Sun 09-Oct-11 09:21:52

It is hard, isn't it?

You might need to get the endo zapped away to conceive. A friend of mine had to do this. Apparently the adhesions can move the tubes or ovaries away from where they should be so that even if you ovulate as you should, the egg doesn't always make its way into the tube and cannot be fertilised.

Personally I've told everyone, apart from people at work, that we are ttc and it is taking a while so we are having investigations. I find that easier than them keep asking me if I am pregnant yet. I know it's not for everyone but this way works for me. I was 34 when we got married after 7 years together, so everyone would have been expecting it anyway. I am just confirming what they thought.

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