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sorry I know it's been done here a lot...but for fucks sake...I vote it is renamed reproductivelysmugbook
I have vowed I am never putting scans etc on facebook when I get updiffed
Nor will I announce my pregnancy and put bump photos on
Nor will I update my status 3 times a day with funny little snippets about baby Johhny's signing class
One photo when its born, that's it!
Yes hear hear. Today bloody FB and bloody pg announcements has made a bad day worse. Honestly, you wouldn't be so bloody in your face about it in real life.
And while we're on it, why would you share with whole fucking world a picture of you, naked, still in the fucking birthing pool complete with goo??
Should I actually manage to ever get pregnant, there is absolutely no way I am going up mention it AT ALL on Facebook. It has caused me so much pain. The 'best' is the posting a scan photo with no explanation, just waiting for the inevitable 'Oh my god!!! Are you pregnant!!!' responses. It drives me mental. I always feel like commenting 'Wow, what a weird picture, what IS that???'
When/if I ever do get pregnant though I can't rule out hoping someone posts on my wall that they never knew I was pregnant, so can publicly say 'oh well I didn't want to mention it on here as I find it a bit insensitive tbh' Hopefully I'd manage not to be so passive aggressive though.
Jesus Christ though - does it never cross these people's minds that one of their friends might be having a miscarriage or fertility problems? Idiots.
If you dislike facebook so much why not just not go on it? I understand that some people have problems but what is wrong with being happy and celebrating such wonderful things with the people you care about? Maybe some of these people had problems conceiving or miscarriages themselves and now just want to share their good news.
It's not fair to completely slate a friend for doing something that they have no idea may offend. I'm sure at some point we all say something by accident on facebook that someone will find offensive and the only way to over come this is by saying nothing at all..... Which kind of defeats the object of a social media site!?
I don't dislike FB, I'm a big fan. I do dislike that it seems to bring out a weird, insensitive narcissism that people don't have in real life. And sometimes, as someone who has the 'problems' you refer to, when you are having a really shit day it's hard to be reminded that other people have what you would do anything for and it knocks you. So I was feeling a bit sorry for myself and posted here because I knew some of the ladies would understand that sometimes you just need to let off steam about it. I wouldn't say anything to those people about it; I do wish people were a bit less thoughtless though.
I am of course happy for friends but that doesn't mean I don't sometimes get really bloody pissed off that it's happening for everyone around me and not me.
And on the bit about posting a pic from the birthing pool, even my friends who have had babies no problem think it's weird.
Haha can't say I would want to share that I do (to the very best of my ability) understand what you mean my beat friend lost her dad just before fathers day and to see her so distraught at people posting how much they love their dads was heartbreaking.
And I totally agree about it turning people completely weird.... But maybe people were already that strange they now just have a more public way of sharing that with us....
I'm in complete agreement, even though I know its completely irrational. I know they aren't doing it to upset me, but I still have to just block everyone who's pregnant because what I can't bear is them COMPLAINING about everything. Oh I've got morning sickness...smug b*tch, right now I'd give my right arm for morning sickness.
Oddly enough, I'm not bothered about the people who clearly got pregnant by accident, I let them off because they clearly don't know the agony of "trying". But anyone who's been trying, even for a couple of months must know what its like.
I agree with all of this and I have also blocked peoples updates who constantly go on and on and on about their pregnancy. (One friend who is particularly bad with constant pg updates has a due date about a week behind where I should have been had I not had a mc, which is particularly difficult.) However, I wonder how I would have been, had I got pregnant easily and stayed pregnant and was not in the world of worrying about getting pregnant and staying pregnant. If it is easy sometimes it is easy to be ignorant about what other people are finding difficult.
I do know that if/when I get pg again, I will not put any updates on facebook and be very low key about announcing my pregnancy at all to avoid hurting anyone else who is going through a difficult time with TTC and feels unable to talk about it.
I totally agree too, I know I can't complain if people don't know what I have been through but it's the ones that do and post things like 'anything but another 2 weeks' about going overdue when I had just lost my baby at 24 weeks. Insensitive cow. I also think if I dont see you in rl to tell you I am pg then you don't need to know! grrr
I get where you're coming from- during my pregnancy I didn't post anything about it on FB for that reason, although when I went to concerts and out with friends with a big bump and other people tagged me in photos I could hardly hide it.
I thought I'd also never put photos of my dc on FB for the same reason, but then I figured he's kind of a massive part of my life so it would be weird not to.
I bet though you still put photos of you and your partner/husband etc on there, when you have friends who are single and would love to be in a relationship, or photos of you and your mum/dad when you have friends who have lost theirs? It's not all that dissimilar.
I get where you're coming from but where do you draw the line?
p.s- a 'friend' on FB had an update today almost gloating about her "amazing life cushy part-time job, gorgeous husband, two wonderful boys and upcoming holiday".... thought that was a bit much!
I think people underestimate the effect their insessent posting has...
I knew someone who posted every detail about her pregnancy on fb. "oh the bump moved/am sitting here while bumpy wumpy kicks his mummykins..." and on and on and on it went. So much so that an awful lot of her "friends" hid her status updates.
When her baby was born he was ill and was rushed through to scbu and in fact very nearly died. As was her way, she used fb to keep people updated. But because so many people had hidden her updates, an awful lot had no idea of what she was going through.
nearlymyofone very good point. i have for that reason almost given up posting anything personal on facebook for that reason as I don't want to upset people or appear to brag. It is difficult to know where to draw the line and because people have un-intentionally upset me through their facebook updates I avoid doing anything that could upset others.
Oh I agree about Facebook. I wouldn't put scan pictures on there and I hate the fact that some pregnant women complain about pregnancy so much. I have one friend in particular who knows I had a mc and also shares a friend in common with me who suffered a late loss and yet every single day she updates about how fat/sick/tired/fed up she is. I really do think that's insensitive when she knows other people are struggling. I always mentally check my (infrequent) status updates to assess whether they are likely to upset anyone and try not to post anything smug.
It was just as bad before Facebook tbh.
When I was TTC we would often be out with a group of friends and there would be the dreaded tap on a glass and a request to make an announcement. Champagne and congratulations all round and me sobbing in the loos.
Everyone knew the problems we were having and didn't show any consideration at all.
It took me 10 years to become a mum in the end and I'm afraid I am now one of those mothers who put up pictures and updates about my DCs achievements all the time.
I know what you mean about Facebook I have been known to hide friends. I think the main problem is people won't talk about having issues conceiving even after they are pregnant they often don't admit to them. When (trying to be hopeful!) we finally manage it I am planning on putting on facebook.
"after 2 years of trying and overcoming pcos and endo Florin and Mr Florin are proud to announce we are finally pregnant!"
I really don't get it - if you are this sensitive about facebook posts - don't look at facebook! jesh! why should people not post about being pregnant on FB? seriously, I really don't find it 'insensitive' at all, I think you are just projecting your own feelings of inadequacy onto others, and not really thinking about how bitter and weird this is. Should no one ever post about anything good or exciting in their lives? if you think this, stay away from FB.
The ones who post the scans are the worst, I think. Especially when it's an accident, and they keep going on about it! The others that are annoying are the ones that do the weekly "This is how big my baby is!" post/status/thing... all blocked, I hasten to add. Plus the constant bump pictures...
I won't be 'announcing; it on Facebook, though because all my friends are all over the country - and in fact world! - I imagine it'll be mentioned at some point (especially because my sister in law loves Facebook, and will probably blurt it out, although we'll ask her not to). Knowing how difficult it has been for me, though, I know I'll be much more careful and considerate than others I know.
Of course, there's always the opposite situation. One of my friends who I used to be quite close to struggled with fertility issues, and is now expecting her first sometime this month. She's kept it off of Facebook so well that I doubt friends who aren't in her very close circle will be able to find out - I'd desperately love to send her a card, but will have to hear through the grapevine. At the same time, I completely respect her choice, and realise she's done it not to rub it in the faces of those of us who are struggling.
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