Head vs. heart: practical advice needed on when to start ttc

[MissPenteuth]

I know this isn't a decision anyone else can make for me, but I wanted some impartial opinions. I hope this is the right place to post; Chat possibly has more traffic but seemed too general.

In a nutshell, DH said yesterday that he'd like to start ttc soon. DD is almost 18mo, and I had been planning to return to work next year when she turns 2yo. Then after working about 6mo we'd think about ttc. It requires some forward planning as DH is on medication that he has to stop for a few months beforehand, and my periods tend to go AWOL for a few months when I stop taking the pill.

So now I'm considering stopping the pill now, DH will come off his medication in a month or two (and we'd take other precautions for a few months), and I wouldn't go back to work next year.

Financially we're OK on DH's salary, not much in the way of savings but we're saving a bit each month at the moment. If I went back to work we'd be able to save more, and I'd have maternity pay. The only reason to wait would be to save more money. We'd also have to put DD in nursery while I'm working, so most of my salary would go on that anyway.

Any thoughts? I know it's a very personal thing. I thought writing it all down might help me decide, but I'm still just confused

[kat2504]

Well it sounds like you would be ok to start TTC financially. What you haven't said is how YOU actually feel about it. Were you looking forward to going back to work? Are you missing being at work? Do you feel ready to have another yet?

[eurochick]

As you say, no one can make the decision for you but here are a few other things to think about (apologies if you are already factoring these in):

-how quickly did you get pregnant last time (although it is no guarantee that the same thing will happen again)?
-what age gap would you ideally like between your kids?
-how do you feel about not going back to work?
-how secure is your husband's job and how do you feel about not having much in the way of savings (having lost a job once with a mortgage to pay I am personally not comfortable not having savings but others feel differently)?
-what is your husband's view on timing?
-is your job of the type where being out of the workplace for several years at once would leave you unable to get back in without retraining?

[MissPenteuth]

Well, I never really loved my job tbh. The extra money would be nice, and it would be good to use my brain and speak to other adults about something non-baby related again, but I don't yearn for it iyswim.

I would be happy to have another baby; having a toddler and being pregnant/having a newborn is a little terrifying, but that's always going to be terrifying, whether it's now or in 6mo or in a year.

[kat2504]

Well if you aren't itching to get back to work yet then there might be some advantages in getting on with it and having them closer in age. I'm afraid you really have to go on gut instinct with these things sometimes.

[MissPenteuth]

Yeah. It just feels like waiting and having more money would be the sensible thing. But having children isn't necessarily just about being sensible, is it?

[NoMoreWasabi]

How old are you? If you're 23 its one thing, if you're 40 it is quite another.

[MissPenteuth]

I'm almost 30, so no huge rush for that reason :)

[schobe]

I would wait. Don't be in a rush to lose your career even if you don't live to work. The using your brain and speaking to adults stuff you mention is actually hugely important imo (though I know others will feel differently).

You're very young relatively speaking. You've time to wait. It can be incredibly hard to get back to work if you've been out raising children even if only for a few years. However, if you want to leave work and become a SAHM after the next child, you can decide that any time.