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Am I over-reacting? DH gets pissed...

(10 Posts)
Idiothusband Sat 27-Aug-11 10:38:08

OK so. We're TTC, month 5 (not much in the scheme of things but would rather like to crack on with it as I'm not getting any younger). Positive OPK on Wednesday so we're SWI every night for the next week.

DH out with a university friend last night, whom he hasn't seen for ages. I ring in the afternoon to remind him not to smoke (he doesn't, but tends to when he's pissed) and not to overdo the booze. I know what this sounds like, but he's a) even broodier than me and desperate to get me upduffed so he can start taking his Propecia again (drug which stops male pattern balding) and b) has an astonishing ability not to put two and two together on the most basic of things despite being very successful work-wise.

He gets home around midnight, and as agreed, wakes me for the nightly shag.

This morning, I discover that despite entirely agreeing with me that he won't binge drink, he had:

A mojito (so probably 3-4 units)
Two London-pub style glasses of wine (so probably a further 6 at least)
A third glass which he claims he only "sipped" but I strongly suspect he's minimising. (at least another one there, probably 2)

I'm so pissed off. I'm having to cut down on caffeine etc which I'm finding really hard, we're not all that fertile (well, I'm not) and we're not all that young, either. And he's the one that goes all woebegone every month when we haven't managed it. AIBU?

hillyhilly Sat 27-Aug-11 10:40:16

Sorry, I think you are being a bit u, which is entirely understandable given the circumstances

greenzebra Sat 27-Aug-11 10:45:26

I dont think your being unreasonable entirely, I have been where you are, it is tough when it seams that we are doing all the sacrafices and they are not. But at least he was able to SWI, my DH when had a few cant get it up!
If he is a long term drinker every night then thats not going to help your chances but a one off occasion can be let off I think.
Its best to have a little chat with him and tell him how you feel, that you are doing all the work and he is not, and its not much to ask. Even if it is for your peace of mind.

We are currently in the tww, my first baby was stillborn in April so desperate to get up the duff again, he went drinking in our ov time, so I rung him up and pleaded on the phone, he'd only had two guiness and then switched to coke. He said sorry. Sometimes it takes a bit more than communication, as in lots of communication.

Fx for you hun. x

Idiothusband Sat 27-Aug-11 10:53:05

Thanks both. I have calmed down a bit now and he is sorry. But as you say, you do think to yourself, if I have to give up the booze for nine sodding months, surely you can just not have a skinful for a few days out of each month while we're trying?

Idiothusband Sat 27-Aug-11 10:54:50

Oh and greenzebra, I'm very, very sorry for your loss. Puts my irritation into complete perspective x

kat2504 Sat 27-Aug-11 11:06:01

Its not those few days that will affect his sperm though. Sperm take about 90 days to mature so just cutting down for a few days a month and getting ratarsed the rest of the time will not help in the long run. If he is usually a moderate drinker then a one-off sesh ought not to hurt really so perhaps don't make too big a deal out of it. If he could do with cutting down in general, then that might be worth talking about.

SheCutOffTheirTails Sat 27-Aug-11 11:10:49

I don't really understand what he did wrong confused

He went out and got drunk with a friend. Unless he drinks like that all the time, what's the problem?

eurochick Sat 27-Aug-11 12:11:43

Hmmm, I see what you are saying but you need to bear in mind that this could take a long while (I hope for you it doesn't, but it's possible). Are you both prepared to be completely abstemious for maybe a couple of years? And the results seem to be mixed as to whether cutting out alcohol completely helps (cutting excessive drinking does). Bearing in mind how many babies are conceived when both parties are hammered, I really don't think it can be that much of a factor.

I like a drink and have been at this a while now. I now drink very moderately. At the beginning I didn't drink at all during the 2ww. Now I still don't drink to excess but I have the odd glass of wine here or there, whenever I feel like it. My own view is that you will both make yourselves miserable if you are too strict. Three drinks in one night is really not a daft amount. If he was doing it every night, then yes, it probably would affect sperm quality but if it is just now and then, I don't think it's a bad thing. Staying in and spending the night fretting over how long it is taking would probably be worse than going out and cutting loose once in a while.

SpamMarie Sat 27-Aug-11 20:08:38

I think it must come as a shock to men that getting pregnant isn't 100% down to the woman. Of course, it's difficult for a lot of them to imagine their sperm is anything less than brilliant, so a gentle reminder from you about the effects of alcohol is no bad thing. As long as it's not regular, heavy drinking, I wouldn't lose sleep over it though. I'm pretty sure stress will have a negative effect too, so try not to worry too much!

SheCutOffTheirTails Sat 27-Aug-11 20:12:56

I dunno, we are TTC and on month 8 now.

I was out with friends last night and came home a bit pissed.

I had a great, rare night out. It was a real tonic.

If DH had started quizzing me about how much I was drinking and then expected me to apologise in the morning I would be pretty pissed off TBH.

eurochick's post is really good.

It might come as a shock to men that everything fun in their lives is meant to stop just because they are trying to have a baby.

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