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If / when to try again (I'm 40 with 8 mo DD) - previous loss of baby

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Jules125 Tue 23-Aug-11 11:24:38

Hi,

I want another child but am struggling with the risks and timing. My first DD died when I was 37 due to severe early pre-eclampsia (25/26 weeks) which makes me statistically very very high risk during pregnancy - though luckily enough my second pregnancy was normal, full term, & 2nd DD very healthy and utterly wonderful!

I really wanted 2 children but am afraid 1) of pre-eclampsia again (I had multiple organ failure and life-threatening complications in my first pregnancy - and I went throuh all that for nothing - my DD still died) 2) that my motives for having a second living child are very mixed up with my emotions about losing my first (I still feel jealous of families with 2 DDs or and older DD - not sure how would I feel if I conceived a boy this time? - I didn't really have any gender preference before losing my first DD BTW). 3) I am very afraid of having an early delivery again and possibly a child with severe disabilities. Yes, I realise now I would love that child anyway, but how would I cope? I am also the main breadwinner and returning to work full time next year. The chance of an early delivery is probably as high as 20% for me.

I'm now 40 years old and also worried that by the time I've made up my mind to go for it I will probably not be able to conceive any more anyway, ugh. I've had no problems up to now (but a few mcs along the way) - but hey I'm realistic about the age thing. If I really want a second I should be getting on with it now. But I also don't really want to cope with two very young DCs at the same time.

Not sure what anyone can say to help me here, maybe it just helps to write it down? Has anyone else had similar issues and dilemmas though?

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