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Another new born baby pushed onto me and the dreaded question "when are you going to have one?" Feel like screaming "we bloody are trying our hardest!"

(18 Posts)
waitingtobeamummy Mon 08-Aug-11 16:28:35

Feel very miserable- having the willy probe on friday as no ovulation happening, been trying for over a year, and am sick and tired of smiling and coo-ing when it should be me.
Just had to get it out of my system.

CleanSheetsAndSmoothLegs Mon 08-Aug-11 16:38:49

I have massive sympathy for you. People are such insensitive fucks. I swear that next time I'm going to say "I'm infertile" just to see them flounder.

waitingtobeamummy Mon 08-Aug-11 16:43:09

Thats exactly what I said to dh! It doesn't even cross there minds that we might be having problems, and its such a personal question to ask! Find it even worse when a couple of new-ish moms (but long term friends) that I have told have been really lovely until their baby is crying or struggling or something and they say: "are you sure you want one?hahaha" And I want to reply "I would pull your arm off to have a child if I could so fuck off!" So insensitive!

SleepyFergus Mon 08-Aug-11 16:43:41

Just saw your post and wanted to say 'grrrrr' on your behalf. I remember it VERY well, the complete insensitive questions and flounting of pregnancies in my face.

I too suffered (and still do to a certain degree) from nil or very spasmodic ovulation, but after 3.5 years and fertility treatment (clomid then ov induction using smaller quantities of the ivf drug puregon) I am now the proud mummy to a DD.

Doesn't lose hope, it will happen. It's just our paths are a bit longer than most.

Good luck!

Iggly Mon 08-Aug-11 16:45:02

You should say something to shut them up. It's insensitive and not very nice for you sad

Deesus Mon 08-Aug-11 16:49:48

I always used to hate this question. Must admit once or twice when asked I replied "How often do you have sex with your husband/partner?......What's that?......It's none of my business?.....What a feckin coincidence!" or something to that effect. Only felt a teensy bit bad..

JenniferYellowHatsRedLingerie Mon 08-Aug-11 16:50:06

My sympathy, OP. It's so fucking hard, isn't it.
CleanSheets just say it, sod them. I used to. Personally I thought the more people heard about the problems we were having might take away some of the taboo-ness of infertility/fertility problems.
OP - after 42 cycles and a bit lot of help, I'm 39wks pg with our DD. Don't lose faith, as Fergus says, some roads are longer than others. All my best wishes and hopes for you x

JosieRosie Mon 08-Aug-11 16:53:58

Deesus - that's brilliant! Would love to have the nerve to say similar. What sort of response did you get?

SouthGoingZax Mon 08-Aug-11 16:55:51


People just don't think.

The very best of luck to you. Took DH and me years (6), but now have DTs.

Hang in there.

Deesus Mon 08-Aug-11 16:59:27

Mainly " didn't mean" mouth flapping-ness grin

The people who I said that to were getting on my last wick anyway and just pushed once to often. Not my finest hour but I bet they never ask again.

Also I'm a great believer on only being friends with people for a reason. If people are consistently insensitive, rude, annoying I accept it's not meant to be and walk away. That probably comes across a lot harsher than I actually am...I just think life's to short grin It's incredibly freeing to try and adhere to that attitude all the time (I only manage it maybe 40% of the time but it's a start!).

Supersunnyday Mon 08-Aug-11 17:03:49

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

joycep Mon 08-Aug-11 17:10:56

angry on your behalf OP as I know all too well what it feels like. I had my parent's neighbour say recently, 'when are you two going to have children, you shouldn't leave it too late you know'. I just wanted to scream..."gees, do you ever think before you ask sucha personal question, does not even cross your mind that we may have problems". grrrr

1sttimetryer Mon 08-Aug-11 17:10:57

Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!!!! you moan as much as you like! it does my head in, before we got married i had people constantly saying when you having a baby or 'your next', then after we got married it multiplied and i just want to shout at them im fucking trying now fuck off!!!! does my head in, i know people dont realise that its an insensitive thing to say unless they are ttc with no success. Or everytime im ill its always cos 'im pregnant', feel like turning around to them and saying i wish i bloody was!!! why cant you be my age and ill just because your ill why do they always have to think your pregnant!!
Anyway rant over!! Im trying to think of a good line i can say to shut them up for good!!! grin

waitingtobeamummy Mon 08-Aug-11 17:13:38

Thanks everyone, feel rock bottom about it anyway without having people be insesitive, but think I am going to have to say it to them just for my own peice of mind.
I think things like this show who your friends really are- obviously I haven't been telling everyone, but some people are so understnding-and then others sy the stupidist things.
Thanks also for your "success" stories- always makes me feel a little more normal and like it may actually happen one day!

waitingtobeamummy Mon 08-Aug-11 17:19:02

hugs are accepted supersunnyday!
And I know the world needs babies to keep it going but they are everywhere- and adverts make you feel like if you dont have a child your life is shit (which is actually how I feel but I dont need an advert saying it too!)
I saw my grandma and grandad at the dr's today as I was having another bloodtest and I know what they are thinking-just waiting for the "subtle" questioning.
"your next" drives me mad 1sttimetryer- or if people know we're having problems and they say- but you've got age on your side. I know they're trying to help but its just such a numpty comment!

waitingtobeamummy Mon 08-Aug-11 17:20:24

Oh and one more "you never know you could be pregnant now" No I couldn't be, we're at it like rabbits but I DO NOT OVULATE so it cant happen! drives me mad!

Malvapoeding Mon 08-Aug-11 17:28:07

Huge {{hugs}}

I remember after one friend had had her third (we had been trying 6 years) and asked 'don't you think it's time you got on and had one?' I calmly replied 'I can't I'm barren' she garbled, gulped and backed off. The phrase is a horrid one but 'we are having trouble conceiving, I have fertility issues' never sunk in. We never had another discussion about babies until we told everyone at 20weeks we were expecting DD1. All Dh's cousins told us they were expecting even thought they 'weren't trying' (another phrase that pissed the hell out of me!) within 6 weeks of being told we had fertility problems and they weren't sure how to fix them yet hmm

1sttimetryer Mon 08-Aug-11 17:43:16

The doctors are a bugger for saying that! you have time on your side or your still young or words like that, i told the doctor that i have waiting 5 bloody years for this i dont care if time is on my side, i have planned this right down the the last thing, i dont want to wait any longer. i think it is 26 people announced that they were pregnant in 6 weeks or so of us trying, does my nut in as half of them 'werent trying' grrrr!!!!
Im glad wer all as pissed off as each other on this thread!!!
I thought i wasnt ovulating but believe i am now, as on day 57 i had a temperature rise which has stayed up so im feeling quite possitive right now but i still dont need people saying all these stupid insensitive comments!!!!!

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