can someone please calm me down?

[foolserrand]

I'm mainly a lurker (because I'm socially inept) but am daring to step out of the shadows because I simply can't voice any of this in rl. I tried, but couldn't speak for crying. Dh and I have been ttc #2 for exactly 1 yr this month. I have pcos and haven't seen af since March. That doesn't mean a bfp is impossible, ds was conceived after no af for 18 months. But recently I have been feeling different. My breasts are huge (especially the left. Why oh why? I look like I'm hiding balloons under my top and one has deflated slightly.) Cramping that lasted a few days. Slight bulge in the right area. Lethargy, especially when exercising. I'm a complete emotional wreck. Back ache.... the list goes on.

We decided today was test day, so first thing... well, you know. I didn't think I saw anything, but dh is convinced he saw a faint line (would only be about 2 weeks gone so very early to test, I know). I have called my doctor and she has booked me in for a blood test.

I don't want to go. I mean, I do, of course. But I am dreading such a definitive bfn. I never have been a glass half full girl. I'm sitting here, getting more and more worked up and panicked. Someone, please, talk some sense into me. In the meantime, I shall drag my sorry self to the shops.

[pjani]

I'm not sure exactly what to say, but I sympathise with your situation and can see how it would be very anxiety-provoking. You're doing the right thing trying to stay busy, is there a friend/family member you could call to talk about it?

[foolserrand]

I did try my best friend earlier. She was.... useless frankly. Daren't call my mum because I know I'll just cry. Dh isn't even entertaining the possibility of a bfn so he's no help. I don't know what I want someone to say, its comforting to know someone understands. I'm so terrified of a negative. How daft.

[Imustbecrazy26]

Maybe poas tomorrow morning with fmu and see what happens!!! Hope you get your BFP!!!

[havealittlefaithbaby]

Yeah I'd try a sensitive test like a FR at home. It sounds...encouraging but I totally get why you won't let yourself get your hopes up. When is your blood test? Do you have things to do to distract yourself in the meantime? Bless you, I hope you get answers soon.

[peapop]

fools come and join us on the TTC a 2012 baby thread while you wait, the ladies on there are lovely and such a fantastic support at times like this. It really helps to have somewhere to vent when needed and we all help each other along.
I have my fingers crossed for you that you do get your bfp!

[foolserrand]

Thanks all. Blood test will hopefully be tomorrow, unless life gets in the way. Did try to get a fr test, but everywhere is sold out here. It's not a sign, its not a sign.