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can't feel excited

(16 Posts)
DizzyKipper Fri 22-Jul-11 09:38:40

My AH is due in 5 days and I'm almost certain that I won't be getting it. I've been getting the same symptoms as last time, constipation, waking up during the night, exhaustion, and all at around the same time I was getting them as last when I turned out to be upduffed. So I'm sort of expecting when Wednesday comes around to not be getting AH. I know I might be wrong, and probably will now that I've said it to somebody - sods law!

But I just can't feel excited about it or go gaga over symptom spotting and pregnancy testing (last time I did 6 tests just to confirm and they all came up positive, so you can see I was a bit loopy). But I had a MC, and now I know even if I get that positive it won't be the same. I won't be able to get excited, I'll be worrying until I get to that 12 week milestone and don't think it will feel real until then. Even now (before a pregnancy is even confirmed!) I'm worried about getting to the 12 week mark, relaxing and getting excited telling everybody, only to find out I lose it later on around the 20 week mark, or that I may even end up having a stillborn.

I know MCs are common and that second time around it should have just a good a chance as success as before, but it's like I'm expecting the worst nonetheless (because in the last half year all of the momentous events in my life that should have been so nice turned out so wrong instead sad).

<just giving a message to myself, chin up>

Anyone else waiting with these sort of worries?

maybebabyR Fri 22-Jul-11 09:46:47

Oh Dizzy you poor love. I am so sorry for your loss, and I really, really hope that this month is your month and that you go on to have a happy and successful pregnancy.

I had a MC over Christmas at 6 weeks. I now have exactly the same worries as you, and know that when/if I get a positive test, I won't be jumping up and down, I will be scared and nervous until I get to 12 weeks. I was saying to DH the other day how I felt the MC has taken the joy and fun out of TTC and how it will put a downer on the first few months.

I think (hope smile ) that it is normal to feel like this after a loss. But we will all get there in the end and have a lovely bundle of joy at the end of it. Let us know how you get on next week smile

QueenofDreams Fri 22-Jul-11 09:55:12

It's totally understandable to feel that way. I felt the same way myself. I mc'd at nine weeks, then conceived again about a month later. I spent the first 12 weeks worrying too. I now have a healthy nearly 3 year old, and a healthy 6 month old.

do keep us udated here when you get your bfp smile

GenericDietCola Fri 22-Jul-11 13:51:12

Hi Dizzy I remember your BFP last time. I'm so sorry about the MC and that you are feeling this way, but it is totally normal.

I had a MC before my DD and when I found out I was expecting DD I was very anxious and DH and I felt we couldn't celebrate like we did with the first BFP. It was strange, but we did slowly meet all those milestones and ended up with a healthy DD and with each milestone, our excitement grew. It's understandable you would be worried at this stage, but when you get your BFP, you will gradually get more and more confident and hopefully end up with a happy outcome.

I'm ttc following another MC so I hope to be preggo again very soon.

Good luck!

Mitsouko Fri 22-Jul-11 15:20:25

Hi Dizzy, wow...I could have written your post. So sorry for your loss and hope that you'll have better luck this time.

I'm feeling exactly the same at the moment. I had a mmc last November. Went in for the 12 week scan, all excited about seeing my baby for the first time, only to find that there was no heartbeat and it had died around 9 weeks. Horrible mc followed. Won't go into the details of that, but it was awful and I ended up in hospital for a couple of days due to blood loss and infection.

My period came back in December and DH and I have been trying since.

So 8 months later, I'm a week late with definite nausea, huge tits and all the other symptoms...and I can't even get the guts to test. I really should go out and buy one, but I'm terrified.

I think all this fear and anxiety is being compounded by the fact that I am just back from a close friend's funeral and really grieving from the loss.

Wish I could give better advice, just want to let you know you ain't alone. Hang in there.

homeaway Fri 22-Jul-11 16:07:05

Somebody once said to me that mc takes away your pregnancy innocence and i think that is so true. It is normal to feel scared of it happening again, the only advice I can try and give you is to take it one day at a time . I wish you all the best.

ledkr Fri 22-Jul-11 16:24:26

Yes,i had 3 pg before a mc and never crossed my mind,the 2 pg since the mc were 9 months of absolute worry,i couldnt see a future with the baby in it and was just waiting for something bad to happen-it didnt,so take heart.I felt abit better telling myself that if it was going to happen then i couldnt change that anyway.Very normal but no cure sorry,really good luck to you xx

havealittlefaithbaby Sat 23-Jul-11 13:28:14

Hey dizzy! Missed you on the annoying thread. Sorry to hear you're feeling like this. I think it's only natural. I think the important thing is not to be too hard on yourself. I suspect if you are upduffed it'll be scary to start with but as time passes and the bean sticks, you'll allow yourself to get excited. I'll pray it is a sticky bean.
Are you settled into your new house now?

DizzyKipper Sat 23-Jul-11 19:59:21

Thanks everyone, it's good to hear from other people going through the same thing.

I remember you too DietCola, you also had one of those imaginary lines at the same time as me didn't you? (blushing if I'm mistaken about this). I'm sorry things haven't gone so well for you either. I'm suspecting I will probably join one of those gentle threads for the upduffed after MC - not sure I could handle the antenatal straight away. Hope you get some good news soon too smile

I'm sorry to hear what happened Mitsouko, that must have been awful to experience that at what should've been one of the most exciting parts of the pregnancy. I'm lucky in that I didn't have such a nasty surprise. It sounds like you're going through a really hard time at the moment - maybe it would be better not to push yourself right now and to wait until you're ready to deal with things like taking a test? (I can only imagine there might be that little voice inside saying you 'should' do this or that, but I don't see why you should if you're not ready). Hope all goes well.

Hi faithbaby. I've not been able to handle the annoying thread - can't really post with the same enthusiasm about symptoms anymore, but I have been popping in from time to time to see how others are doing. I see the threads getting really busy now with lots of new people smile Is Griselda still there? I didn't notice her posting.
We've settled into the house quite well now, but are having money problems due to my new work messing me around with only PT hours when I need FT. I've bought my lottery ticket for tonight though so expecting everything to change in an hour wink

havealittlefaithbaby Sat 23-Jul-11 21:09:14

Hey dizzy I wondered why you hadn't been around but when I saw this post I understood.Griselda is lying low I think til her drilling appointment. Lots of.newbies who are nice but it us very different from the start when it was just the 3 of us!
Glad you're settled in the house. Here's hoping everything at work gets settled soon smile

GenericDietCola Sat 23-Jul-11 21:30:55

Dizzy you are remembering correctly but my line was leftover hormone from my mc and I'm still ttc.

We'll both get there soon enough - take care

havealittlefaithbaby Tue 26-Jul-11 20:58:07

Any update dizzy?

DizzyKipper Sun 31-Jul-11 10:11:22

AF arrived, another month wasted. Oh well, I've told OH we need to work hard this month.

GenericDietCola Sun 31-Jul-11 10:21:24

So sorry dizzy hope you get lucky soon. If you are getting determined to get results, come onto the brooking no argument thread where we are all convinced we are already pregnant - just waiting for confirmation from the pee sticks. Take care x

havealittlefaithbaby Sun 31-Jul-11 17:07:43

Sorry to hear that dizzy. Try not to.think of it as a month wasted just not the right timing. Keep strong honey.

DizzyKipper Mon 01-Aug-11 10:36:53

Thankyou both smile I'm determined to make this month be the month, then will also be determined to hang onto the little one!

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