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Fed up

(12 Posts)
highlove Sat 16-Jul-11 17:08:58

That's it really. I'm fed up trying and failing to get pg. I'm fed up of wishing my life away, whether its counting down to Ov or 2ww or, as at the moment, till my next appt with the consultant. I'm fed up that for everyone around me it seems to happen so easily and that I feel jealous. I'm fed up that nobody, not even DH, really gets what a bloody achievement it is just getting out of bed some days, let alone somehow carrying on with a stressful job. And nobody recognises how much it breaks my heart to hear friends go on about their pregnancies and babies while I smile and show interest/excitement/whatever and then sob all the way home. I'm incredibly fed up that the reason I can't have a baby is the fault of a dr who didn't explain all the possible consequences of a procedure when I was 20. I'm fed up of crying on the tube. I'm fed up of being so miserable. I'm fed up of staring at other people's bumps and so desperately, desperate wishing it was me. And I'm fed up about loads of other shit too. But most of all I'm fed up because I just want us to have a family, I want to hold my baby, I want it to be bringing my new child home from hospital and I just want to be a mummy.

Ariesgirl Sat 16-Jul-11 17:39:12

highlove I didn't want you to go unanswered. I'm so so sorry you're feeling so shit sadsadsad

I have no answers for you just lots and lots of sympathy. What happened when you were 20? It sounds horrid.

highlove Sat 16-Jul-11 17:59:59

Thanks Aries

I had an IUD at dr's recommendation. Didn't bother to tell me that more often than not if you haven't had a full term pg it will cause infection. Or that an infection could cause problems later. And when it did predictably cause infection he repeatedly gave me various antibiotics rather than take the bloody thing out. When I finally insisted on getting rid of it, he dropped into conversation afterwards something to the effect "probably best to take it out, this sort of thing causes infertility". Had I known I would never have had the sodding thing on the first place or at the very least would have it whipped out soon as there was a problem, not persevered for another 8 weeks. So fast forward a few years and I have dodgy tubes as a result. To be fair it's not entirely his fault but I feel that repeatedly he didn't really give me the info to make an informed decision. No point being angry about it, but I am.

ciwi Sat 16-Jul-11 18:16:43

Sorry you are feeling this way. I can relate to a lot of your feelings particularly with the need to be a mummy and how hard it is seeing others pregnant and having babies. I have also spent too much of my life wishing the days away but it does just get you down and make you horribly depressed. The best bit of advice I have ever been given is to live in the now, not in the past or the future. Its not always easy to do but it makes sense as nobody knows what the future holds and you can't change the past. The way I get through is to keep myself busy, go out with friends, watch films, read books and plan nice things to do at the weekend, even if its just to go for walks and don't let your head go too far into the future. I try to not let myself look beyond the following weekend and it does really help. Take care of yourself too, that's the most important thing xxx

havealittlefaithbaby Sun 17-Jul-11 08:32:39

Yup I'm feeling the same. Photos if everyone with babies on Facebook. Just been cakp

havealittlefaithbaby Sun 17-Jul-11 08:37:52

Oops. Camping and kids where everywhere (af arrived while I was there). Now even jealous when other people join threads I'm on and get a bfp if they hadn't been trying for long. You're definitely not alone. Unlike you, we're not sure what the circumstances are as to why we're 19 months ttc with no joy (under investigation atm).
Maybe what you need us some positive thinking? Consider joining the 'we're jolly well going to get pregnant' thread here. It does me the world of good!

highlove Sun 17-Jul-11 10:22:00

Thanks...sorry was really down about it yesterday, am not permanently that miserable. Buy sometimes the whole bloody unfairness of it all does get on top of you, doesn't it. Good night's sleep and my rant above has helped put things in perspective. Only two weeks till I see the consultant and I'm really hoping we might begin to take action so will feel much more positive. And will then head back to the "jolly well..." board havealittlefaith...had to back off for a bit but will come back.

Anyway thanks again...feels better to have got it off my chest! Hope others are doing ok xxx

Biscuitsandtea Sun 17-Jul-11 10:27:40

It does get on top of you sometimes high - we've been ttc no 2 for 19 mths and I had a real down day one day last week - but you do feel better after a vent (I had a mammoth post about everything) and some sleep. Just thought I would send some hugs your way xxx

highlove Sun 17-Jul-11 10:45:37

Thanks biscuits hope you are feeling a bit better now. Ranting in the general direction of people who you know will get it and understand how deeply this affects you helps. I don't think others do understand how difficult this is, even those that are sympathetic.

Oh and Facebook havealittlefaith...I absolutely promise right now that if we do eventually succeed, baby's first poo/giggle/solid food/whatever won't be all over it. And I certainly won't be on there moaning lack of sleep or that "hangover and a three month old is the worst thing ever"... Grrrrr.

laughinglemons Mon 18-Jul-11 17:44:21

hello highlove apart from the reason, (ttc1 18months) i could have written your post. glad you are feeling less miserable today. i can't even look at facebook, dreading going on holiday next week because there will be loads of families (we are self catering on top of a cliff, but still). my DH doesn't get it either. he says he wants to have 2 children, but he doesn't have the same yearning as we do and he doesn't live in fear of it never happening.
good luck to us all.

PicknMix Mon 18-Jul-11 19:48:17

Ah, I could've written your opening post (apart from the reason being a crap dr - turns out I'm just rubbish at making babies!).

Gets to us all at some point, I've done a good job of burying my head in the sand for many years now but it's 5yrs since we started on this journey and the sand is getting a bit thin (as is the metaphor, sorry!).

Hope you're feeling a bit more positive now, sometimes it helps to get it all out. I try telling friends and the ones who aren't on the baby trail yet genuinely don't understand (however much they try to) and the ones who have kids/are expecting kids also don't understand as they've managed it without much bother.

I've discovered the art of chocolate truffle making on the pretext of giving them away as presents.... I happen to think infertility and the stress it causes is a very worthy cause and therefore I am very worthy recipient of my own gift wink

highlove Tue 19-Jul-11 11:48:42

I love it pick you are most definitely a worthy recipient of the gift!

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