I've got a night out with two of my best friends coming up, and as it'll be obvious (not drinking) I'm planning to tell them that I'm expecting DC2, although it's early days (11wks)
Neither have DC, but one has been TTC for a while (8-10 months)
The question is, would it be better to let TTC friend know beforehand, ie text, phonecall? Just in case it upsets her? I know that hearing about other people's pregnancies when you're ttc is hard, and perhaps she'd like to be pre-warned?
Or am I just going to make her feel singled out, pitied and patronised? Aarrgh.
She's so nice, I'm sure she will be happy for me, but I don't want to put her on the spot and have to force a smile if she's feeling wretched inside
Ooh, I don't know. I've been TTC 2 years and am expecting an announcement daily from the various people I know who are also TTC.
A good friend recently rang to tell me she was pg and I was very bright and happy on the phone but had a good old weep when I got off, so maybe it was easier not to hear about it on a night out, but then again at the 8-10 months stage I still thought every month would be my month so I wasn't so bothered.
If you do phone your friend then phone the other one too so you're treating them both the same, and don't make a big deal (or any deal) about how you know your friend might be feeling sad, that it might be hard for her etc etc. I'm sure you wouldn't do anything so crass, but I'd probably feel patronised and a bit punchy if someone said anything like that.
We're about to have ICSI, and have now met lots of babies that were conceived after we started trying I have never felt too upset about someone else being pg really- it's not my baby. I would just get on, tell your friend, then don't talk about it too much unless she asks questions. On no account pity her in any way! You're being a good friend by considering her feelings.
I think you should tell her in advance. I do get a feeling that is similar to being kicked in the stomach every time I hear that another friend has got duffed. It passes, but it is difficult to smile through that feeling, so I would appreciate a tip off so I can get through that in private.
You are a very nice friend for being so considerate.
As someone at about the same ttc as your friend and as someone that has had this happen to me - I'd say phone both friends and tell them ahead of the drinks. This gives your ttc friend and you're other friend time for it to sink in a bit. My worst fear is that people might pity or feel sorry for me, or feel uncomfortable talking to me about it. If only everyone was as considerate as you!