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secondary infertility.....

9 replies

NinjaChipmunk · 30/06/2011 11:59

I don't understand it, what causes it, why it happens. DS was conceived very quickly and all tests so far indicate both me and dp are fine, our first hosp appt is in a fortnight so I guess that may throw something up but in the meantime my mind has been wandering.....secondary infertility seems such a strange thing. I just don't understand why it is happening. What is stopping it? If any one knows of good informative reading material on the subject let me know!

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anniroc · 30/06/2011 12:31

You are older than when you conceived DS, your partner will be older too, you may have put on weight, have a different lifestyle and the stresses that go along with that, etc etc.

Read The Baby Making Bible by Emma Cannon, a lovely book with lots of good ideas.

I am going through a similar thing myself at the moment, so I wish you lots of good wishes and luck :)

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piprabbit · 30/06/2011 12:32

Oh Ninja, I totally agree that secondary infertility seems such a weird concept. Especially as eveyone else looks at DC1 and suddenly feels the need to ask personal questions about having more babies.

I don't think that fertility is a black and white issue, I think there are all sorts of shades of grey and that sometimes we hover between the two labels (depending on age, health, our partner etc. etc.) and that the only thing separating us from pregnancy at any given time could be something as silly as luck.

I think that secondary infertility can happen for several reasons.
Firstly, fertility (in women and men) does decline over time, so what came easyish first time round may get a little harder second time round. That's fine and dandy for super fertile couples, but for people who are little more border line it can push them from fertile to infertile.

Secondly, our health can change and fluctuate. Stress and lifestyle issues may impact on the sperm etc. etc.

Thirdly, it is hard to know what odds were overcome first time round. I have endometrosis. I didn't know that when I was TTC DC1, it took a while but we got there in the end. However by the time we were TTC DC2 there was enough damage (along with the aftermath of an ectopic pregnancy) to mean we had to use IVF. I'm guessing that having DC1 naturally was incredibly lucky - it's just that we didn't realise how unlikely it was when we were trying first time.

Fourthly - sods blood, unfair, stupid law.

Finally, just because we drift towards the infertile label, doesn't mean that at some point we won't drift back to the fertile label in future. There are so many couples who go through infertility and then suddenly, unexpectedly find they are pregnant.

I'm sorry I can't recommend any reading - I never found anything that really helped me.
Good luck with the hospital appointment - I hope you get some answers.

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piprabbit · 30/06/2011 12:33

Sorry - long, waffly post. Please feel free to ignore me.

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joycep · 30/06/2011 12:48

Hi Ninja, sorry i don?t actually have an answer but having read far too many posts on MN over the last year, it seems that fertility can be a very odd beast. I know someone who conceived her first very quickly and then it took almost 2 years to conceive her second. There was no reason, although she thought it was to do with her being slightly older at 36 ? hardly old but that was her theory! And I know someone who has 3 kids and no.2 proved very elusive and took her ages and No1 and No3 were immediate. When there appears to be no reason, it?s bizarre and baffling. I spend much of my time baffled as to how i got pregnant straight away last year but after an early m/c and over a year later, I have yet to get another bfp for #1. Anyway, I really hope that it?s just an elusive one for you and just one of those 'odd' things and you get that bfp soon. Sorry I have nothing scientific to say!

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NinjaChipmunk · 30/06/2011 12:56

Thank you for all your lovely replies, I guess I was just feeling a bit despondant today. Its nice to have this place as somewhere to put down my thoughts, I think I'd go mad otherwise.
I wish all of us the very best of luck and really hope we are all looking at bfp's very very soon.

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maximum123 · 04/07/2011 13:28

Hello,
I am new to the board for secondary infertility and I am finding it really hard to come to terms with. THe background is we have a DS aged 2 and trying for number 2 for a year. Its been awful and seeing other mums having seconds and getting pregnant is painful.

We dont know what to do. We have been for tests but they so far have all come back normal. We await husbands sperm tests results. I am praying for a problem which sounds negative its just he is unable to produce sperm when we have sex. Sorry tmi!!! This lack of sperm has been going on for months and he blames me for making him anxious about wanting another child. He did manage miraculously to perform a semen test.

I feel so uspet by my husband but want to be supportive too. But I dont feel very supportive. Also the NHS is so very slooooowww in processing results. And then what happens?

Just feel really sad today. Sorry to start on such a downer. Anyone else having problems with their husbands?

maximum123 x

Hope you are all getting closer to your BFP in your journeys

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NinjaChipmunk · 04/07/2011 13:34

hello again can i ask what you mean about your husband not producing sperm? Do you mean he doesn't ejaculate when you have sex? If that is the case then maybe you guys need to approach it in a different way? using the hand instead may take some pressure off and you could catch in a cup and use a syringe? and also spend some more time on foreplay? do you have any ideas on what might be causing it?

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maximum123 · 04/07/2011 13:53

Hi NinjaChipmunk,

Thanks for replying, as I am quickly realising its so isolating having secondary infertility and finding people who understand is so helpful and supportive.

He does on occasions ejaculate but its very rare. Thanks for the handy (no pun intended) tip. I do try using handy tips as much as i can... ooh er. but sadly to no avail. sorry tmi.

My husband blames me for his lack of erection, ejaculation etc. So i am a bit of a mess today. Do you have relationship problems like this? Or are you handling it much better? I am struggling to be supportive and not really dislike him.

Maximum

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NinjaChipmunk · 04/07/2011 14:04

I don't luckily but I have known several people on the conception boards have similar problems. Not really sure what to suggest I'm afraid, maybe he finds the whole sex in relation to ttc very difficult? do you tell him when you are fertile etc, I know my dp doesn't really want to know about that and probably performs better when he doesn't know. I think sometimes the less they know the better. I can see why you are struggling to be supportive as he really shouldn't be blaming you.
Although it may be a difficult to initiate it sounds like you need to have a proper talk about it, without blame, to make sure you are both on the same page. Ask him what works for him and tell him what works for you. I find it hard to make ttc sex into something exciting, as you know its really for that one single purpose.
Hopefully someone else will see this and ocme along with some more advice as not sure I've done much other than waffle!