my period came today, 2 days early (although I no longer know what is early or late since my cycle is so fucked up) and without fanfare. that makes it 69 cycles. I am bloated and greasy and feel like shit. Everyone else who had their babies at around the same time have had another, maybe two... in one case three. And they all ask "any plans for another?" if I reply with an enigmatic "we'll see what happens" instead of ripping off their heads and telling them exactly WHY we havent had another, they cock their heads and say "well, you dont want to leave it too late"
really? I hadn't considered that! I mean, its not like I cry every month is it? or I have read every book and tried every trick known to man?
and you know what? relaxing doesnt fucking well help. not a jot. because I am infertile and no amount of holidays, or ceremonial giving away of maternity clothes, or books, or burning of charts will change that.
yes, I am lucky to have a child, I know that. but it isn't wrong for me to want another. my DB has one eye, he is lucky that he isnt blind, hell, he's lucky he is alive. but he is still unlucky to have lost an eye.
my consultant is a wanker with a god complex who doesnt think that a temp spike is relevant to my mc's, and the hospital wont take responsibility for fucking up my c-section.
Im so angry today.
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hardly come in here now, but I need a rant because I am truly fecked off...
OracleInaCoracle · 29/06/2011 15:42
Lissie, I can totally understand why you're angry and upset and this is just the place to do it. I've followed your story for a while now (and I always think of you when I see those "I'm 1dpo should I POAS using First Response???!??" threads!). You're always a font of good sense to others, despite the heartache and suffering you've been through yourself. I just can't believe the insensitivity of people when it comes to getting pregnant/staying pregnant/"planning" your family (and am still in 
at batteryhen's "friend"'s comment!).
I was just wondering why you haven't been referred to Prof Regan's repeat MC clinic at St Mary's Paddington. I'm not sure where you are in the country, so London may be out of the question, but I know they accept NHS referrals from all over the UK. And your current doctor sounds absolutely horrid...
flip, 
, every now and then I go on those threads and start cracking skulls, seems that I have managed to convert a few posters into non-testers. the problem is, it takes a long time (and a lot of shit) to get to the point Im at. I remember being so excited in the early days of ttc, and being unable to wait myself.
I went to LWH, back when it was the only hospital doing nk cell testing, and the tests they ran came back clear, Ive been to other clinics too and all the non-standard tests cost so much, plus, we live on the welsh border, so getting to the clinics is v v expensive. if there was a guarantee, we'd be there like a shot. but it feels like we have drained our emotional and financial resources now. we were turned down for IVF because of the mc's and because the mc's are so early, its hard to get a proper diagnosis.
Lissie I know what you mean about the excitement of early days ttc but early testing is the work of the devil (or more like the work of marketing campaigns aimed at parting women from their cash 
) and is such a waste of money...and won't change the eventual result one bit! I had a MC in April (after a miracle natural conception as DS was conceived via ICSI) but getting a clear BFP, after waiting until I was properly late, was super satisfying...
LWH sound much better for immunology than Prof Regan, as from what I can gather immunes isn't really something they do there. Must be so hard not to have an answer as to why this is happening. And having a rubbish doc can't help.
Hope the period pain disappears and is just a blip.
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