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feeling down

(8 Posts)
NewZealand15 Wed 22-Jun-11 15:02:42

Ok I am just wanting to share or hear some advice, for years I was just too afraid to have babies and so protested for years, 2009 I became pregnant for the first time at 37 years ( I was with my long term man who is now my husband) I totally freaked and was so scared and didn't want it, I miscarried after 7 weeks and really was relieved, a little sad.

2010 after we got married and 4 months into the marriage I became pregnant again now I am 38 years old, again I was in total shock but this time started to want the baby, yes being married has really changed my view on babies and other things! anyway again 7 weeks later I miscarried and this one devastated me and since then I have desperately wanted a baby, my husband who is younger than me is so broody and I am now scared I may never have a baby and feel he should not be going through this.

I am 39 years old next week and since the last miscarriage it has been 10 months and no pregnancy. We have had alot of blood tests all are healthy, measuring hormone levels etc. So what could be happening, I am regularly taking my 'mum to be' vitamins but we are in a stressful area of our life, we have not been happy living in our tiny flat in London having moved from New Zealand and owning a house out there and a piece of land - it has been a bit traumatic moving back to be surrounded by neighbours and ones who smoke, so I am thinking stress could be a contributory factor?

Finally to add to the stress my husband now has been offered a job in Australia and we 'again' have to move and I have to leave all my family and friends again! It is starting to feel like there won't be a time when it would be right to have a family. I don't know I do feel upset now that it may never happen.

BlackSwan Wed 22-Jun-11 18:35:20

Sounds tough. You have been so unlucky with your past pregnancies. I'm sure stress doesn't help conception, though it's often more stressful if you're stressed about the effects of being stressed! Moving anywhere is a big deal, but Australia is much closer to your home town and a wonderful place to have and raise kids.

Are you really sure you want kids though? Is it possible that you want a baby because it has become an elusive goal? Wish you luck.

Keziahhopes Wed 22-Jun-11 18:57:41

NewZealand15 - so sorry to hear of your miscarriage. You say you have had a lot of blood tests but are they to test for fertility or for miscarriage, as they are different tests? For eg I can't conceive so assumed that was the problem, somewhere, no miscarriages but I have just had level 1 immune tests and paid for level 2 tests and so far found I am heterozygous for Factor V Leided - sticky blood, can cause implantation problems and miscarriage. You can't have these tests on NHS until 3 miscarriages, but you can have them privately like we did from a fertility clinic. Just a thought.

NewZealand15 Thu 23-Jun-11 10:27:46

Hi, sorry didn't make myself clear I am British this is my home my husband is a kiwi so he will be closer to his home once we head off to Australia which is why it is causing me stress I will be away from my friends and family here. :0(

Yes my blood tests there were about 17 of them all done through the miscarriage clinic my doctor pushed for me to have them even though they were not meant to be done until after your third miscarriage, it was because age wise I also did not want to wait until I had a third miscarriage, and all the test came back healthy and no problems the tests ranged from, lutensing hormone levels, progesterone levels, The hormone that helps ripen the egg and push it out of the ovary on ovulation hormone and lots of other things! and my levels were fine, I had a scan and all is functioning there. It just seems weird that I conceived one year after another and now nothing.

Keziahopes, the test you mention I might look these up once in Australia and see what it all means. Good luck with your journey though...

I am feeling I wish i had not protested so much earlier on in my life about not wanting children but having said that this broody feeling was not there then and so now if it happens the baby would be very much wanted. This feeling is strange it has just switched on since my last miscarriage and I am all broody and I am so looking forward to the day when I get a positive pregnancy test.

Keziahhopes Thu 23-Jun-11 13:32:11

NewZealand - some of the immune tests are same as miscarriage clinics, but some are different so seeing what they do in Australia sounds a good idea. some level 1 and 2 tests are to do with chromosomes and Alpha DQ matches which NHs certainly does not do.

NewZealand15 Thu 23-Jun-11 17:08:47

Hey thanks for this I will definitely check this out, felt really sad today, even the crying of a new born I saw out and about today was difficult, I just felt down and wondered if I will ever be there.

Havingkittens Fri 24-Jun-11 13:28:21

NewZealand - if you want to find out a bit more about all the tests available for recurrent miscarriage come over to this thread

We are all going through various stages of testing and treatment so there's a wealth of information on there. A lot of us have decided to have NK Cell Testing and are on a treatment plan for that. This is to do with your immune system rejecting a pregnancy due to your body thinking it's an infection/invasion if you have a very high level of these immune cells. All the info you need about those tests and the standard RMC tests is on that thread and if not, ask away. Everyone's very helpful.

I'm in a similar situation to you. I didn't start TTC until I was 37 either. Partly because I didn't meet my partner until I was 34 and also, like you, wasn't very broody. I do think that being pregnant, whether you continue to have a successful pregnancy or not, can switch something in your hormonal make up to change how you feel about having a baby. I never used to think I wanted kids but I now realise that I really do and have now been trying again and again pretty intensively for the last 4 years. I'm not sure it will ever happen for me as I am now 41 and have lost 6 pregnancies so far and am about 2 years from the age where my mum and my grandma both started their menopause. I am keeping my fingers crossed that the treatment I am on is successful but the one thing I have to promise myself, as should you, is that you mustn't blame yourself for not trying earlier. You can't change history and if you didn't feel like you wanted to have kids at that point in your life then that's what was right for you then. Beating yourself up about it will just make you feel worse which isn't fair when you're already probably feeling pretty fed up.

NewZealand15 Fri 24-Jun-11 15:20:41

Hello Having Kittens

This was so good to read, thank you for sharing your experience with me, when I read yours I felt 'yeh' I totally understand and I am with you..I am sorry to hear of your pregnancy loss though too.

There was something I missed out from my original message and that was I met the love of my life when I turned 30 and he is now mu husband, I do sort of wished I hadn't got so hung up about having babies out of wedlock! sounds so old fashioned hey? but that was what I wanted, him to marry me first...he just took a bit of time and proposed when I was 37 years old! he is a bit younger. and it was 3 weeks after his proposal of which I said yes I found out I was pregnant for the first time. Howe all this said he also was not on the baby radar for a while and it is only in the last year since we got married that both him and me are very broody - marriage does change you, well it changed us and how we viewed life and babies etc...he is 36 this years old and I am 39 this year and you would think younger sperm ( as it were) would be a great help! LOL :0) - phew long blurb...!

Oh well, we keep TTC, thank you so much for the information in that start of your message I will take this on board and read and investigate.

I never ever thought I would feel this way and now be on this journey of 'will it be this month'....I am starting to wake up in the mornings feeling scared it may never happen and I guess at some point if it gets to that I will have to learn to process what has happened and accept and continue...

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