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Feeling sad

(12 Posts)
raspberrytipple Tue 21-Jun-11 21:37:49

Sorry in advance, I know there are lots of threads on this and I don't really expect responses but just wanted to write it down. We are pretty much at the one year mark of trying. I have an underlying condition which is not proven to prevent fertility but I've just been on a forum for other people with the condition and there are lots of people on there who are struggling to conceive. I just feel sad, I seem to be surrounded by people who have babies, are pregnant or giving birth/cuddling their 12 hour old babies as I type. I so desperately want to be a mummy and we were sensible for so many years, sorted careers etc before we thought about trying and now I just cant imagine that it is ever going to happen. I keep trying to put it in perspective as I know there are plenty of people who take a year/18 months and longer but just this evening, I feel completely and utterly gutted about it. sad

Beamur Tue 21-Jun-11 21:40:29

Have a little wallow - it can be so hard TTC and not getting anywhere.
It's not unusual for people with no fertility issues to take a year or longer. I have some friends who tried for 5 years (no obvious problems) before conceiving and others who get pregnant at the first try.

modernvickyp Tue 21-Jun-11 22:12:45

Would like to wallow with you ladies. Only been TTC for 6 months but aged 35 I feel like time is rapidly running out. OH says he is on board but feel like I am forcing him to DTD when he is more interested in beer. Lucky if we DTD more than a couple of times a month and can never see it happening. Can't either imagine being childless. Misery reigns - sorry!

raspberrytipple Wed 22-Jun-11 07:39:44

Hello! I know how you feel when it gets to that time of the month and you only get to DTD once or not at all. DP sex drive is rapidly decreasing too which is frustrating in some many ways, especially as my sex drive has gone through the roof. Went to bed last night and had a bloody good cry, don't feel much better for it, just tired but it had to be done!

greenzebra Wed 22-Jun-11 08:00:45

I remember, we me and my Dh we TTC, I would get so frustrated. We really wanted kids, but me wanting sex all the time, put him off, he said it was too clinical, took the fun out of it. Even though I never mentioned it really. I got very upset and used to cry alot. We talked about it, I told him that I felt like I was doing everything to get preggers and he wasnt interested, I take the vitamins, do the tests worry about my cycle and all he has to do is deliver the sperm.
Anyway in the end I told him that he had to do things aswell, like take vitamin c and zinc to increase sperm production, wear loose fitting underwear and have cooler baths. Oh and we both stopped drinking!
It became alot easier and we ended up getting pregnant. I think the frustration leads the stress and that can not help with TTC.

highlove Wed 22-Jun-11 09:38:04

Hi, just want to say you are not alone. I'm in a very similar position, only been ttc for six months but also have an underlying condition which ultimately is likely to mean ivf is the only option. I'm yet to find anyone on any forums who's managed to conceive without intervention yet my consultant thinks that because I'm 'only' 32 and it is 'technically' possible we ought to try the old fashioned way for 12 months first. We knew all this before we started (having already waited two years to try for various reasons) so from day one of ttc it's been really stressful. I wasn't taking any form of contraception before we started and I'd already been POASing before so I would know when to DTD. So although it's only six months I think that if it was going to happen naturally it would have.

It does make you just so indescribably sad. I find it hard to explain even to DH how intense it is. I just want to be a mummy and us to be a family so so much. In the meantime, everywhere I look - my 'real' friends, Facebook friends, parents' friends' kids, colleagues - people are pregnant, having babies, etc and it breaks my heart. But like some kind of peculiar self harm I am compelled by pictures of peoe with their gorgeous newborns and I can't help but seek them out even though it always makes me cry. I'm can't get over the whole enormous bloody unfairness of it all.

Sorry if this hasn't helped, but do try and keep strong. MN helps me though i mostly lurk, it helps to know other people understand even if nobody I actually know does.

Best wishes and a big hug to you x

joycep Wed 22-Jun-11 09:56:45

raspberry - you're certainly not alone. We are now on month 14 and I know exactly how you are feeling. I don't really have much advice because I think the only thing that will help us all get through this is to actually get pregnant. I just take every day as it comes - some days I feel quite positive and upbeat and on other days I just can't be optimistic about anything. It's emotionally exhausting and it's unbearable when you are surrounded by friends with babies.
I have heard good advice from people on MN who went through the same thing and I think keeping busy is important; having things to look forward to or taking up a hobby to try and keep your mind focused off ttc. Easier said than done I know - I haven't managed it yet - but if we could jst try and put it to the back of our minds, I'm sure it would make this process just that little bit easier. I'm desperately working on this.

Sillyshell Wed 22-Jun-11 12:15:13

Hi, we're on month 13 this month and I'm nearly 36, sooo worried that I'm too old and we've left it too late.

I dont really have any advice but just wanted to let you know that your not alone and we've all felt the same at one point. You just need to pick yourself up, dust yourself down and start again the next month, this is what I keep telling myself anyway!

Maclj Wed 22-Jun-11 23:20:23

Hi, we're on month 8 of ttc. Every month I cry when my period comes or I hear about another person I know is expecting. It's tough but hopefully it'll happen soon and all the heartache is worth it. MN has helped me by reading others comments and getting suggestions. I can't really expect my OH to understand my feelings and I don't want to turn to anyone else because it's tmi! Our issue is a medical one with him. If i keep on at him it'll push us apart. He struggles to talk about it so I can't pile on more pressure. You aren't alone and an anonymous post might just be a good way to get it off your chest and relieve some stress. Good luck!

raspberrytipple Thu 23-Jun-11 09:33:37

Thank you for all the lovely responses, it doesn't help us to get pregnant but it does help to know I'm not on my own. The couple of friends I have who know I'm trying to conceive are very 'just relax, it'll happen' which as we all know isn't a very helpful comment and just gets annoying after a while. DP has the right approach at the moment, he just lets me have a really good cry because actually there is nothing that he can say that will make it better so cuddles is the only option. I am trying the whole keeping busy thing to and I am going to try and be very proactive for the next 4 months in:
Getting Married in august grin
throwing myself into carrying on with my OU degree
getting seriously fit
giving up caffine and booze (also not helping me emotionally because I drink then get upset/tired/drink waaaay to much coffee so don't sleep properly, I'm sure its starting to take its toll
spend more time on my hobbies which at the moment are cycling and pole dancing (don't judge me - its actually really good fun!)
Working out how to spend less money on shopping, I've just worked out that we spent £600 on food last month!!! ridiculous.

Not feeling much more positive just yet but will stick to my plan of action and hopefully will start to feel a bit better soon. Also just hoping that DP gets his mojo back, he's only 31 and used to have a massively high sex drive which has slowly ebbed away over the last 3 years to rarely asking for it himself but doing it for me a few times a month, probably less than once a week would do him. I don't want to pile on pressure but we do need to swi a few times a month at least if not for baby making just for me! He's having some testosterone tests done at the moment, getting the results tomorrow just to make sure there is nothing medical going on, I think he might just have gotten a bit lazy but will find out tomorrow.

NewZealand15 Thu 23-Jun-11 10:15:46

Hi Everyone, what lovely responses thank you so much, I cried a little reading them and really felt an affinity with you all. Yes I also walk around the streets of Balham looking a the pushchairs and I do get a bit panicky and think ' god will I ever experience this?' and once I am on that train of thought It does feel scary...but like one you you said you have to pick yourself up and think of a next month etc.

It is so good to know I am not the only one and I did think I wouldn't be but to actually read other people experiences is good for me.

Just currently looking up what foods can help you to ttc. I am a vegetarian almost vegan and don't really drink alot of alocohol anyway and I am fit..hoo humm...

NewZealand15 Thu 23-Jun-11 10:30:28

Hi All I think I think I have posted on the wrong I go!

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