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Thought I could deal with broodiness. :((14 Posts)
But when you cry with envy at birth announcements you know you're not dealing very well don't you?
dc3 is 11m old, is utterly scrumptious and delightful, a little brother/sister would be good for him as his older siblings are 5 and 6. They love their little brother but they're too busy doing their own thing to play with a baby.
DH doesn't want anymore anyway so thats that
Not looking for answers, just wanted to write it down somewhere.
Cherry - were we on the same post natal thread? Have name changed but Aug2010? Have to admit am feeling a little broody again at the moment and didn't think I would!
Is there definitely no chance of a change of heart from dh?
Also if it makes any difference, same age gap as my friends family and they now all adults adore one another although they do still gang up on each other as well
Aug2010, yup that'd be me
How you doing? Got to admit I don't very often visit the postnatal section anymore
I think a change of heart from dh is about as likely as they sky turning green . But I suppose if I talk and talk and talk to him it's possible.
I could have written your post Cherry - Ds3 13 months - Ds1 and 2 are 6 and almost 5 - I would love to have another with a similar age gap as between ds1 and 2 but dh says no and his reasons are logical but it doesn't help the broodiness - I just really want another baby - ds3 growing to fast and I don't want it to be the last time I do this, that or the other. my sister is pregnant with herr first and I'm finding it reaally hard to deal with.
Aww katylou, our situations are very similar aren't they? My ds1 isn't quite 5 yet but will be 2 weeks on Sunday. Ds2 will be 1 2 weeks on Saturday. Time is going so quickly, he's almost a toddler rather than a baby.
Dh's reason's are sensible too, which makes it frustrating because they're not reason's I can change (his health). If it were money, I could go back to work (supposed to be returning to work next month but we decided I wouldn't).
Just about anything else you can work around, space, car (although we literally replaced our car 9 days ago).
I have a lot of love to give. I don't want this to be the only baby I raise myself. With dd and ds1 I returned to full time work within 3 and 4 months of their births and so missed absolutely everything, my mum witnessed every minute that I should have, first tooth, rolling, crawling, clapping, smiling, walking...
Trying to think of reasons that could justify me wanting another baby but so far have only come up with "I want ds2 to have a sibling to grow up with" and "I want one".
Neither will stand up in a discussion with dh, plus I'm too scared to even ask him because I had to plead with him for ds2, and I promised there would be no more. There's a reason you shouldn't make promises you can't keep - they always bite you on the bottom.
I know the feeling although a different situation to you ladies. We are waiting to TTC, we seem to get over the latest hurdle stopping us, to find that there are now another 2 hurdles waiting. So annoying. And the thing is, it's hurdles such as moving house (done), not knowing if my job was secure (I now know it is), waiting for DH to get his new job (still waiting) and our finances being shot to pieces the last year or so, means we can barely afford a take away let alone a baby.
My SIL phoned me the other night to tell us 'the good news'. Felt like a kick in the teeth, especially as in her words, "this one was a complete accident, and actually a bit of a pain in the arse, we'll probably have to decorate the spare room again. And I cant drink for the whole summer!! But at least i'll get a nice rest once i'v had it". She had elective C sections for her 2 DD's (unsure if private or not) and sees the recommended recovery period as an excuse to give the baby to her DH while she catches up with the 9 months of drinking and smoking she's missed out on. Although talking to my other SIL she hasn't given up smoking yet.
I've never wanted to shake someone so hard. The thing is, she doesn't know that we are waiting to TTC so she's not doing it to be nasty. Just her comments really make me want to cry.
Every school friend that pops up on facebook with their announcement just makes me burst into tears. We are friends with a couple who drink in my Dad's local, we have done nearly everything together, got engaged within a few months of each other, got married within a week of each other etc. They have just announced that they are expecting. So now every person who knows us all keep asking us when we're going to start a family. I want to scream at them that I bloody would if I could!
It seems to be all I think about recently.
(((hugs))) jellytots! God when we were waiting to try to conceive dc3 it was exactly the same! It's a horrid feeling and I'm sorry you're going through it right now although when the wait is finally over it will be someone else who is looking at you wishing they were pregnant too. This is what I told myself whenever I let it get to me, worked some of the time. Most of the time I just mentally ticked another day of the countdown
It's so consuming isn't it? It really takes over your whole mind, and (for me anyway) everything has a way of bringing back to the front of my mind if I happen to be thinking of something else. <rarely>
Fingers crossed for all of us!
Jelly - you could have been me 3 years ago, I went round to a very good mates house (she was pg and had had to have ivf and all sorts) every single person kept telling me they were pg, I wanted to slap the lot of them.
This was culminated in the fact we weren't finding it easy and finally (I thought) I had good news around xmas, was going to tell dh on xmas day (faint positive on the stick) xmas eve I discovered it was not to be and was obviously a little sad, went over to ils on xmas eve and sil announces she is pg - first time trying came off the pill 2 weeks before conception. She was bloody lucky tbh she didn't get knifed at that point and I am afraid I just completely cracked.
Well, dd was born 4.5 months after their dd and ds 3 months after their ds!
It does get better and you will hopefully find solace in the future, if it makes the blindest bit of difference there is NEVER a point where you think you are going to be able to afford a baby. EVER. But you have to remember your set up is already there - you have family with all the gear you can borrow in the future and when the glow has gone off their baby yours will shine through! Believe it!
Cherry - am sorry to hear about that - we are having the same discussion about no 3, schooling for primary is dreadful around here and so currently dd is signed up for a private primary. I want her to have the best start she can do which the local school at the moment can't provide, hopefully by the time ds is able to go to school this will have changed but if not then there will definitely be no more for us .
Thanks cherry and princess. I suppose it doesn't help that all our close friends have recently had their 2nd babies so we are now constantly surrounded by toddlers and babies.
I know there is never a good time money wise to have a baby (unless you win the lottery!) and we are very fortunate that above mentioned friends are all earmarking equipment and clothes etc. for us! But we really cant afford any extra expense right now. One of my best friends is currently going through IVF and keeps telling us to sod the money, the house, jobs etc. and just go for it. And I see where she's coming from, but we'd be mad to, we're already in debt (not loads and it's manageable, but enough to take up any extra money we have left). People keep saying "Oh but you manage when you have a baby". I don't want to 'just manage', I want to spoil my baby and not have to buy cheap stuff if I don't want to (not saying everything has to be designer but you know what I mean).
I'm just going to have to deal with it I suppose. It will happen in time, and if we aren't still in a comfortable position in 2 years then sod it! I'm putting my foot down, i'll eat blue stripe beans and sell the car if that means we can afford it!
We eat Sainsbury's basics everything and we do just fine Jelly, I honestly think you should go for it. I know what you mean about wanting to spoil your baby tho, I'm the same. Can't afford designer but I like a bit of Next now and then but I mostly spoil my kids with George @ Asdaa, Cherokee @ Tesco and TU @ Sainsbury's (my personal favourite, quality here is fabulous!!)
Much love hun xx
I agree with Cherry - with 1 I did much more spoiling than with 2! Now I bargain hunt, buy second hand (after all I borrow clothes from mates and vice versa) and use supermarkets. alot. Also I have the occasional splurge in Gap when they send me a 30% off voucher (worth signing up for) and in their sales.
I also baulked at the plastic tat prices! So have done loads on ebay - basically my theory was that plastic tat could be sprayed with sterilizing fluid and wiped down, only new things are the soft toys or fabric that can't be washed.
Its worth thinking about, as Cherry says - blow it, if nothing happens at least you can have some fun trying, also if nothing happens you can then find yourself in a position to do something about it, so many friends have waited until much later and are struggling too, that is more unfair than being in debt for a little bit longer! Also you then have 9 months to get your eggs in a basket!
BTW Cherry - have you thought about a puppy ? That might change dh's mind!!!!!
<disclaimer> am not encouraging huge debt obviously but this is something that is hurting you and you are in a position to fix it. And you know the result will b worth it.
you all have my sympathy. Me and DH are waiting TTC at the moment. Not because we want to, but because just as we decide my brother decides to get married on the other side of the world next march. which means jabs and long flights so we have to wait.
Doesnt help all our friends have just/are just having little ones and that new baby smell is driving me crazy. I half jokingly suggested we "borrow" one of our friends twins a few days ago. oh and
my evil witch mother and mil never ask how I am anymore, only after my uterus and trying to sound like i dont care and we are happily waiting is wearing thin
sorry rant, its getting to me.
Aaah figgy, we have a puppy, a dalmation. Dh adores her....me on the other hand! She's stunning but I get a bit too defensive with her I think when she's around ds2 - she's so bloody strong for a pup, and massive!
Twink - you really sound like you need a hug! Waiting to ttc for reasons such as yours is horrid because it isn't something you can change. Not helpful that your mum and mum-in-law are broody for grandchildren either!!
My fil regularly asks after my uterus to make sure there ISN'T a baby (or more) in there. Hurts really when dh adamantly and defiantly assures him there is not and will not be ever again Said with such finality.
Jelly - I hope I didn't sound harsh last night, I didn't mean to. I'm much more of an optimist than a realist. We have debt, 2k of it with dd, we had 8k of it with ds1 and 16k of it with ds3 (although this includes the car loan). It's manageable because it's already factored into our budget.
Debt changes, but waiting to have a baby can hide problems (I hope to god you dint have any but still...). This is hurting you now, it may be hurting your dp/dh too.
I say jump on the conception bandwagon and start ttc!! Go oooon.....
I was planning to talk to dh last night about my 'cluckiness' but he was in such a good mood I didn't want to risk upsetting him So we are no further on. If I can't talk to him in a good mood, when do we talk? If he's already in a bad mood then a conversation isn't likely to be very constructive is it? <sigh>
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