Pity party

[ladygray]

Sorry to be so miserable, but today I just want to curl up in a ball and disappear.

After a month where we used OV prediction sticks, did everything just right, even thought I felt implantation cramps, it turns out it's still not happened.

The world seems like it's pregnant, and I'm so tired of trying so hard.
This is month 14.

We're good people, and we deserve to be like everyone else! I always try to stay positive, trying something else each month to keep my self believing that it could make the difference. But I'm running out of things to try.
I'm just sat here crying, with self pity, and jealousy, and frustration and sadness and fear.

I'm sorry to be such a downer! Just some days you wonder what the point is.

Hope you're all having a better Saturday! But if you're not, be assured that you're not alone.

x

[azteccamera]

Hi ladygray,

I didn't want to not answer this - I'm in exactly the same place. AF arrived this morning. It's cycle 18 for us, but have probably had at least 4 cycles where one of us was working away/ill so not available around ovulation time!

I went out to get some peace/fresh air/time out this morning, but babies and pregnant women were everywhere! I too am crying, self-indulgently and want the world to go away.

However I'm sure it will pass in the next few days....although this month seems to have hit me harder than any before....

What have you tried btw with regards conception? Have you been to the GP etc? We're currently having tests, as we felt it was 14 proper cycles without a hint of a BFP...

Anyway, you're not alone either! Hope you feel a little better

x

[eurochick]

I am now on cycle 7 of this. Behind me I have 6 cycles of perfectly timed sex in the best positions and before that 2 years of being casual and not using contraception. On most of those 6 cycles and one of the previous ones, I have had a bunch of symptoms in the 2ww ranging from implantation bleeding to dizziness and nausea. I have yet to see a BFP. I no longer get excited by the symptoms. I have a couple of days a month when the hormones take over and I feel down, but most of the rest of the time, I am trying to just get on with my life. It's shit and I feel for you.

[ellangirl]

We took 18 months to conceive our DS, and now second time around have been diagnosed with severe male factor issues and will be having ICSI soon. In a way I wish we had had tests the first time around, but DH didn't want to. If we had, we may have never conceived DS (it really shouldn't have been possible). This time though I feel so much more relaxed because I know why it's not happening and we have the power to do something about it.
Enjoy time with your partners, do something fun and have a big old glass of .

[MCT76]

Can I join the pity party? I've been lurking around the forums for a while but I saw this post today and felt the irrepresible urge to reply. You have just described exactly how I feel and we've also been trying for 14 months with the whole range of emotions going from hope, anticipation to frustration, anger, sadness and fear that it might never happen. I am 35 so I feel my time is running out and I was sort of coping and keeping my emotions in check until a friend got in touch today after ages and announced that his partner is about to give birth to baby number 2.

I felt awful for feeling this way but I just cried and felt a sense of tremendous jealousy inside...it's not just them: a couple of weeks ago we went to a birthday party and everyone our age and younger had kids. Plus, two of my close friends have just given birth and although I am genuinely chuffed for them, I feel more and more inadequate with every new bump or baby.

I did have a couple of glasses of red tonight. I've had enough of doing everything by the book. The way I see it, a couple of glasses here and there helps me relax and forget about it for a little while.

[ladygray]

Hey everyone,

Thank you all for joining in my party of misery!

Feeling better today - like most people, I have really low days, but then can pick myself up...yadda yadda...

What really helped me was a 'pep talk' I had from my best friend yesterday. She basically said (paraphrasing!):

Look - you need to get yourself ready for what's to come. You're baby is still coming, but it's going take a bit of time, and you're very well likely going to need some help to get there. You've tried on your own, and it's not going so well, so get ready, toughen up, and take this f**r on for the full fight!! Do what it takes, and be the bravest you can be, because that's what you're baby needs you to do, so it can get here!

We're all going to get there. It's just some of us need to fight a bit harder for our babies than others. But that's going make them all the more special when they DO come.

Sorry if I sound a bit (er, a lot) Oprah. (In fact, I've just made myself do a little sick in my own mouth at the schmaltz of the above!)

Oh, and last night - two cocktails and three G&Ts. Well, if I'm going to become the Rocky of fertility, I reckon I'll need a occasional Cosmo to steady the nerves.....

xxxxx

[ladygray]

Oh - and I'm sure you've all seen this already, but I found this website the other day, and it made me fall off my chair laughing.

www.999reasonstolaugh.com/

My favourite line of all time - "we relaxed.... and it didn't happen" !!

Hope it cheers someone else up!

xxx

[HorseyGirl1]

Hi Lady Grey and all above. Have to confess that I'm really dreading next week as AF due. Very much doubt it will be my month. Trying to convince myself I won't be and will buy my san towels tomorrow so I'm prepared for the worst and won't have to go out anywhere when it does arrive. I was so disappointed last month and yet still I have that wee bit of hope until it actually arrives. Just dreading AF today and all the disappointment it brings. Just feeling a bit sorry for myself at the moment. The one thing that has cheered me up a little bit was hearing that Lily allen is expecting again after her loss last year. I'm not a wild fan but really she deserves something lovely after what she and her husband have been through. Maybe that will be me too at some point. Trying to smile but I'm afraid it's a bit wobbly at the moment. xx