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wish it was that easy to stop 'trying'....

(10 Posts)
cheekycurls Sat 04-Jun-11 23:19:27

3 years on no pregnancy/baby....everyone around me pregnant or have just had a baby..feelings getting worse each month gonna to explode at some point!! wish i could just stop TTC but just can't

sick of hospitals & tests (have no more blood to give!)
sick of ovulation sticks
sick of pregnancy tests
sick of symptom spotting
sick of HAVING to have sex at certain times
most of all so so sick of the disappointment each and every month
and yet i put myself through it every month knowing of the outcome

if only it was as simple and easy as everyone else around me find it!

rant over!!

OlaMamas Sat 04-Jun-11 23:36:07

Cheekycurls I'm so sorry.... it is so grim! Before I explain how I totally know how you feel (which will probably annoy you even more coz everyone has a story of how long so and so tried and there was a happy ending) You need to read a book I read... it is amazing.. "The Baby Trail" I cried and laughed and it was the first bit of non patrioninsing sense I'd heard in a long long time! And not to give too much away .... a realistic ending! We went thru what it sounds like you are going thru. To question how long we tried... we probably did the...lets come off the pill and c what happens for the first year! Then... well that pill should be out of our system by now so lets try a bit of mid cycle targeting for the second year! Then down to headstands and lifting the pelvis and not moving for some time after sex for the third year! Then.... I'm ovulating now .... "Yes that means come home from work and shag me now" year! Then starts the tests... bloods, sperm, scans.....! Then probably by year 5 we did the final intrusive investigations year... then finally a referral to St Marys in Manchester a specialist infertility centre.... and I kid you not.... wham bam Pregnant! I think the relief of the referral, maybe the camera down the tubes... none of which showed any problems and baby was made! so don't give up and won't even patrionise you with try not to stress! I too had pg tests on my weekly shopping list!

tobytoes Sun 05-Jun-11 15:55:00

Just to butt in here olamamas thats a really amazing story.Gives us all hope.xxxxxxxxx

OlaMamas Mon 06-Jun-11 23:14:47

Tobytoes.... sounds like ur struggling! Have you got one already or are you trying for a first?

cheekycurls Tue 07-Jun-11 07:51:15

oh i've done all that too laying with bum under pillow slowly getting higher till i ended up attempting a hand stand one night! blush

what a great story tho! i have my blood results back in a few days and have no idea what else doctors will offer me.

I feel so ungratful as i already have DC who's 4 and i've never seemed to have problems getting pregnant before (problem was always holding on to baby) i had a stillborn 3 years ago at nearly 30 week and since then not fallen pregnant at all!

I just wish I could say that's it now more trying and be ok with that but I just can't, I can't imagine my life not surrounded by loads of children sad

hairylights Tue 07-Jun-11 08:22:33

Me too. I've had three miscarriages in a year. I'm now eight weeks pregnant again (I hope) but I am totally traumatised and I feel I need to find a way to give up if this one doesn't work out. Numb. Hopeless. Sad. Traumatised.

OlaMamas Tue 07-Jun-11 08:45:43

My heart goes out to you both. I always said whilst trying, "Give me one and I'll die happy" but like you cheekycurls once I had one I felt I needed to complete my family with a second. I didn't go back on the pill as felt if it was to take another 6 years or so I'd be too old but thankfully just over a year later I was pregnant again and gobsmacked! I so hope it happens for you and hairylights that this time you'll get your dc. Life can be so unfair and it's impossible not to be upset or stress about it which as I know you'll know is a major factor in it not happening!

bikesaregreat Tue 07-Jun-11 09:05:41

Am also getting seriously GRRR about the constant disappointment - have only been trying (HA! only!!) 23 months for our first, but that 23 months has been a looong time. Especially when every-bloody-one I know seems to get pregnant the first cycle they try or by accident (seriously - 4 friends in the last year on first cycle, 2 by accident). And they ALL complain about how hard it is to be pregnant/have small children/how they're not sure they want to be pregnant... I realise that these are not my worries, and I can't diminish them as worries for these people, but I do wish they'd shut up about it in front of me.

Have been trying the bum in the air, contemplated the headstand...opk kits every month (they cost a blimmin fortune too!) and dp and I being told constantly that we just need to "relax". Yeah, right. Like that's possible.

Doctor says congratulations - you can now have lots of blood tests and maybe crazy-making ovulation drugs if needed, and oh - your husband will have to suffer the indignity of "providing a sample" in our clinic (we live more than an hours' drive from the lab). Hmm.

Just feeling like a horrible person because I can't get happy for anyone having a baby - just go through the motions of congratulating them.

However, have just ordered The Baby Trail from amazon, so am looking forward to some good reading...

cheekycurls Thu 09-Jun-11 00:10:58

so sorry to hear about the MC's Hiarylights and big congrats on ur pregnancy i have my fingers crossed all goes well smile

for me, back to the hospital tomorrow for yet more results sigh

OlaMamas Tue 14-Jun-11 20:36:27

Cheekycurls.... not managed to get on for a week or so. How did you get on with the test results? Bikesaregreat you are not a horrible person for the way you feel and if your friends know your situation they perhaps should be more sensitive towards you. We made the mistake of not telling probably for the first 3 or 4 years. We just looked like drunk and miserable Aunty and Uncle Pissheads to friends babies Christenings, birthday parties etc etc... all the time so sad and upset it wasn't happening to us. When we did finally tell we became serial godparents which they thought would be lovely for us but was just sheer torture and we dreaded every event with a passion! No -one can ease your pain with stories of it will happen and I hope I am not adding to your woes. I was ready to thump the person that gave me the "my friend waited for X number of years story....." Everyone is different and the majority of infertility investigations result in "unexplained". It would almost be easier to have it said... no you can't have children! Find an alternative route to fulfilling your desire for a family. But the waiting every month is heart-breaking. It becomes a physical ache, longing and pain. And despite the fact I am lucky to now have two children. I will never forget the pain and heartbreak we went through getting our first DS and my thoughts and prayers are with anyone who has difficulty.

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