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He's changed his mind :(

(9 Posts)
TandTandTTC Mon 30-May-11 09:52:59

Been together 8+ years, I've been broody for, erm 8! After about 6 months ttc he's now decided we should both lose a stone, change our lifestyle, etc etc as we're not fit to be parents atm. Devastated, especially knowing how long it took him to come round last time! Makes me even more upset we didn't manage it when ttcing.

TheBride Mon 30-May-11 10:57:23

Well, unless "etc etc" includes "stop mainlining smack" I would just carry on TTC while taking baby steps to improve your lifestyle (if you want to and feel it's necessary). If you do drink/smoke a lot, or are very overweight, it could be hindering yours/his fertility, but it doesn't sound like you think there's an issue, and 6 months isn't a huge length of time- how old are you? In any case, no harm in carrying on whilst you're shaping up.

However, I sense that this could be a smokescreen?

Are there other, real reasons, why your DP may not want to become a father right now? Is he (e.g.) stressed about finances/unemployed or are there other reasons why he might not want a child right now? Does he already have children? Alternatively, he could have changed his mind about children full stop, so I think you need to have a full and frank discussion about it.


Bexamundo Mon 30-May-11 18:12:11

My Dh needed a break from ttc, suffering from stress and ttc only making it worse. We agreed "for a few months/until June" but he changed his mind by March.
I agree with thebride, these habits can be changed whilst ttc. Ttc and struggling is the main thing that motivates me to shift my excess weight!
I'd go with the argument no-one is fit to be parents when you start trying but hey there's lots worse than us out there who's kids end up ok!
Maybe having a break for a bit will make him realise he really does want to be a Daddy? Hope it all works out for you.

OddBoots Mon 30-May-11 18:21:56

Could you spend the next few months making those changes while not ttc but also not intentionally avoiding ttc either, just seeing what happens?

AmandaCooper Mon 30-May-11 19:22:43

If you want to join the club <looks glum> you're welcome on the waiting to try for a baby thread. He's not the only one.

TandTandTTC Mon 30-May-11 19:47:08

Thanks all. Still sad . Ha to mainlining coke- if only!!! No, etc etc refers to our love of sleeping in, lazy attitude towards housework, inability to save money, lack of motivation to fill our spare time.

However, in my opinion, we'll HAVE to get up if had a child- no reason to waste valuable sleeping time now! House is always reasonably clean, if a little messy. I am terrible for leaving it to build up and doing a big clean, rather than little and often, but again wouldn't leave a child knee deep in dust!!! We're both in good jobs and earn double some other couples we know- again, could save if we had to, just fritter it away. Spare time, again, we wouldn;t let a toddler/5 year old sit round the house like we do, but have no child to take to said activities at the moment!!!!

Had many frank chats, I want it a lot more than he does but recently he decided to 'let's see' and also recognised how MUCH I wanted it, and that it was something he would do out of love for me IYSWIM. Also think my TTCzilla attitude has put him off as well, ovulation calculators, staying horizontal afterwards, sad on AF day etc. Suppose both paragraphs here point to only myself to blame sad

Off work tomorrow so going to give the house a spring clean and go for a run, and not sit on MN then when he gets home he'll marvel at the ideal mother scenario!!!

Thanks for listening all xx

TandTandTTC Mon 30-May-11 19:49:57

Oh, drink a bit, maybe a bottle of wine in total on weekdays and then another bottle Fri or Sat. Neither smoke. I'm 5.4 and weigh 11st, used to be 9-9 1/2 so am much bigger than I was but not enormous! He has put on the same, 15st and 5.11ish, 36in waist, again not ideal but not enormous.

No wine in house either sad !

AmandaCooper Mon 30-May-11 20:34:08

TanaTandTTC that's an interesting observation about the ttczilla behaviour putting him off, maybe I need a more chilled out approach.

Bexamundo Mon 30-May-11 20:40:05

I love that description and will hereby be using it! Ttczilla. I'll credit you with it though!

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