Nobody other than my husband knows I feel the way I do, but I need support from other women who will understand how much a stupid (for me) decision affected everything I do.
On 16th January 2007, I had a sterilisation. I talked myself into it after having suffered horrendous PND with my daughter and my son. I knew as soon as I came round from the anaesthetic that I'd made the worst mistake ever. Even worse in my eyes than having gotten pregnant at 17. I talked to my husband about it and he said that he'd not really wanted me to, but as it was my body, he couldn't and wouldn't have stopped me. As much as I appreciated the fact he let me make my own mind up, I could've hit him for not telling me before I'd got it done!
Anyway, we started saving to get it reversed and we'd reached just under £2000 when I got an ovarian cyst. The pain from that meant I had to leave my job and by the time I had the surgery in January last year, we'd spent most of the savings just trying to keep the bills paid and food on the table. Still, I figured I'd just get another job and save again but A) I couldn't find anyone who would hire me (too qualified or not qualified enough) and B) in October 2010 the cyst came back.
I had the initial scan in December last year and the results showed it was a little more complex than the last one and needed and MRI. I had the MRI in February which showed it had twisted around the tube and gone behind my womb so this time, open surgery was required. I had the operation on April 7th and it was worse than I expected. The consultant who came to see me the day after said that the cyst had enveloped my ovary like something from the film 'Aliens' and melted it, so they had to take the ovary and cyst out together.
Now keep in mind that I was woozy as hell from the morphine drip thing, and the consultant knew that I wanted more children because I'd told him at every damn appointment that I wanted him to do everything he could to save the ovary for just that reason. It was at this point he rather offhandedly said, "You won't need to have a sterilisation reversal either. In your case, it won't work. Your only hope is IVF". I was rather stunned at that and literally smiled at the silly sod and said, "that's okay, I still have one ovary and that's all I need for IVF".
Anyway, I'm still recovering from the operation (I never seem to heal as easily as other women do after operations) and it finally sunk in. I was brooding on it for a couple of weeks and making myself get depressed over it so I talked to my husband to see what he thought. He's agreed to save for IVF, woo!
So that's where I am right now; searching for a job, any job and getting better at the same time. I don't know where I fit in on this section of MN so I figured I'd make my own little thread until someone can point me in the right direction. Sorry for the length!
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I regret it but I'm going to fix it
7 replies
sephrenia · 27/05/2011 02:12
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