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That's it, now ALL my friends are pregnant...and I'm still not...

(9 Posts)
GreenTeaTastic Thu 24-Mar-11 10:12:18

Hi ladies,

I am having a bit of a bad day and this is a purely a rant, so please excuse the self indulgence. Been TTC for 18 months, two chemical pregnancies, lots of heartache, and now a diagnosis of fallopian tube problems (both tubes) so our chances of natural conception aren't impossible, but are slim.

This morning the last of my close friends told me she's pregnant - that now makes every single one of my female friends who has either given birth or got pregnant in the time we have been trying. I do feel like a bad person, but it has been like a knife through the heart every time one of them broken the news. I am of course happy for them and it'll be lovely to have all these babies to dote on, but it does bring it into starker relief that it's not happening for us, and even those friends who have had a bit of a difficult time TTC are now upduffed and I don't have a single person left to commiserate with...

Anyway, I am now sitting here crying my eyes out again, feeling like I am the only person that we know in the world who it isn't going to happen for. DH gets why I'm so upset at every one of these announcements, but I still get the feeling he thinks I'm selfish and not a good friend, and his tolerance is wearing thin.

I don't know what to do to pick myself up and carry on getting through this. Any advice, consolation or stern words welcomed...!

Iggly Thu 24-Mar-11 10:40:29

<hugs> GreenTea sounds absolutely rubbish.

I don't have experience of fallopian tube problems - what are your options? Given that you have had two chemical pregnancies I guess it's a (very very) small consolation that your body can get pregnant I had a MC last November and felt shit because my neighbour, SIL, sister, best friend and other friend were all expecting. The feeling of envy was hard to deal with.

GreenTeaTastic Thu 24-Mar-11 11:01:17

Thanks Iggly smile

Really sorry to hear about your MC. I totally understand how awful it feels sad Are you still TTC?

Our options are to keep trying for a few more months (just in case the chemicals indicate the tubes are doing more than they look like they can!), and then proceed straight to IVF. Because the problem is probably that the egg can't get down the tubes because they don't move like they should (the chemicals could have been ectopics that didn't develop - my tubes were also blocked when I had the lap and dye, but are now clear), clomid, IUI and anything in between IVF isn't going to help.

The friend this morning got PG first try and is now 14 weeks. So lovely for her...but such a contrast for those of us that are going through this stuff. My DH said "it really seems like there are only two categories - those that get preggers first try, and those that have a really hard time". Quite... envy

cherrychoo Thu 24-Mar-11 11:07:49

Oh rant away, please do, i will join you.

16 months of trying here too and it seems that every woman of childbearing age that i know has got pregnant and popped one out in that time.


Impatientwino Thu 24-Mar-11 11:11:19

It's awful when everyone around you is finding out they are pregnant, you're bound to feel like you're the only one, however if you check out the conception boards you'll see there are TONS of us who are in the same boat for whatever reason, so don't despair you are totally normal and it's normal to be p*ssed off when you hear others happy news.

Think of it like this - if you were applying for a job as a nurse and you had trained for a year or so, put in all the effort required, done all your revision etc etc and then your best friend rings out of the blue and says oh, yay I got a job as a nurse, I just fancied it! You would be really annoyed! This is no different so don't beat yourself up about it.

We have been trying for a long time and got a bad test result last Wednesday, went out for dinner with friends and they annouce they are pregnant, by ACCIDENT! Grrr! They both smoke by the bucketload and drink far more than us so of course I was gutted inside but smiled for them as they looked so happy about it. Drank a bottle of wine, went home and had a long cry then puuled myself together and it's taken me a week to be geniuinely happy for them.

Well, sorry that was rather long winded but my main point was that you are bound to feel like this, it's totally normal and you're having a hard time of it at the moment as it is so don't put any more pressure on yourself to be a happy little camper all the time! It's good to be annoyed, makes you human!


Impatientwino Thu 24-Mar-11 11:13:19

just a note, I have no idea how long it takes to train to become a nurse and I didn't put a year or so flippantly, I konw it's longer than that, it was just an illustration so don't want to offend any lovely, hard working, over worked nurses that spent years and years training x

please don't shout at me

Iggly Thu 24-Mar-11 15:27:48

Yes I just (a week ago) got a BFP, after giving up this cycle. I don't believe it yet as AF is due about now as nervous as hell. I also have a DS so actually lucky - but the MC shook my faith in my body especially as they found fibroids when I was pregnant.

I really hope it happens for you - it's a primal urge! Not many people understand how hard it is having others around you breezing through it all. Although my SIL took two years to conceive after losing three in MCs

kat2504 Thu 24-Mar-11 19:14:37

I know wht you mean! Since I MC two family members and a good friend have got pregnant/had a baby, as well as a number of FB friends. It's hard to see it all going on around you.

rachie12 Tue 26-Mar-13 14:50:16

Hi, can i join in please? I have been ttc for 3 years now I have 1 dd who is 4 and I have been told me and my husband will not have any more children without ivf due to blocked tube, scar tissue and my husband only has 2% sperm mobility!. All my friends are now pregnant or have new born babies most of them didn't tell me straight away because they didn't want to upset me but I just don't know what im thinking, I was upset they couldn't tell me but felt like I hated them because they are getting what I want I feel so bad for thinking this sad I have spent all day crying today because another 1 of my friends has told me they are expecting and showed me the scan today and I have got to collect my daughter from school soon with all the mommies and there baby bumps or babies I don't want to cry in front of them so I put a happy face on. All my friends don't realise how depressed I am because I try to put a happy face on for them but then go home and cry especially when my daughter keeps asking for a baby brother because her friends are having them sad sorry im moaning I know I should be greatfull that I have one healthy child already and I really am but it doesnt take the pain away or make it any less.

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