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Coping with disappointment month after month

(12 Posts)
iwilldothis Tue 11-Jan-11 14:54:32

For those of you who have faced BFNs month after month after month and have been TTC for what seems like forever, how do you cope?? Having got ALL the symptoms of pg last week and certain I was pg (sore & huge boobs, dizzy, tired, more frequent peeing, cramps & even vomiting Sat & Sunday!)....I got a BFN yesterday and spotting started today. I'm extremely lucky to have one DD already....but had a L-O-N-G and difficult time waiting for now that I've decided to TTC no. 2, I'm bracing myself for another long and frustrating and difficult journey....I promised myself this time there would be no symptom-spotting etc and I would just take things as they come, so couldn't believe how upset I was yesterday at the BFN....I think it was the vomiting twice at the weekend that got my hopes up. angry Why? Why? Why? Grrrrr....

So.... just wondering how everyone else who is having to be very patient in TTC manages the disappointment every month?? Chocolate? (I had some this morning to try cheer me up, but really shouldn't 'cos my skin is so bad) Big mad spending-spree? (can't really afford this at the mo) Nice long soak in the bath? (I do this already anyway....) Any other ideas to act a a kind of consolation??

larus Tue 11-Jan-11 15:01:46

Am TTC number 3 and have my head firmly in the sand.

Convince myself every month that I have all the symptoms, only for the red witch to turn up at the unappointed time (used to be regular 28 day cycle but am very variable now).

Not much help I'm afraid, but the various threads here are brilliant. Am not a regular poster on any of them, as to be honest I don't feel that I really fit on any of the long running threads (have had children naturally and am fortunate not to have suffered MC), but the occasional posting and much lurking does help. Its a bugger - obsessing about TTC fills so much of my time but there is nobody in RL I can talk to about it. Apart from dh, but don't think he obsesses quite as much grin.

larus Tue 11-Jan-11 15:02:39

Oh, but I do go for a large chilled white wine. Or G&T. Or sometimes cold beer and take away.

JRsandCoffee Tue 11-Jan-11 18:37:27

Hello larus, hello iwilldothis, I don't cope terribly well either, I don't have any children yet and have been waiting 15 months and this month I don't feel any different at all to the others, which is pants as I've taken the drugs like a dutiful girl. I worry that time is running out but try to stay sane, a friend recently became pregnant after 4 years of trying and she's slightly older than me (I'm a geriatric 36) so I live in hope! Other than that I work, I dog walk, do other exercise, see friends and appreciate every moment of the peace and quiet and time to ourselves that the DH and I have but which I so hope will soon be shattered! Oh, and when I'm really bloody bored with it I drink red wine and read travel books or Jilly Cooper, Georgette Heyer or some other drivel and eat chocolate!

kay157 Tue 11-Jan-11 19:04:27

hi I've been ttc for nearly 3 years and know what your going through. Every month i think this is the month coz i get all the symptoms and hey ho a few days later i come on. Not nice at all so i can sympathize with you. I find just trying to take my mind off it and keep busy helps but my biggest mistake was telling people i was trying for a baby as now i'm always being asked 'no luck yet then' so please don't tell too many people what your going through as it will make you feel worse!!
Have you got a busy social life..maybe just go keep fit or meet up with friends might help Also a few years ago i got a dog (lovely cute Jack russell) and he definately helps maybe because i spoil and mother him a bit but so what!!!! xxx

JRsandCoffee Tue 11-Jan-11 19:08:16

Oooh Kay another Jack Russeller, I love and mother mine too, ridiculous really but I can't help it! I do also walk/ run him for miles so that helps a bit with the keeping busy as you suggest and good point re the not telling people you're trying! Fingers crossed for you!

larus Tue 11-Jan-11 19:25:37

Hi jrs think we've met on other threads - sorry still not luck for you either. And Kay 3 years is a long time - always makes me feel like a fraud when I meet people like you on the TTC threads as its less than a year for us - have you looked into why?

Jilly Cooper is great - think she has a new book out? I am in a book group so keep reading books that I wouldn't normally choose - some good, some bloody awful - but its very social and we don't actually talk about the books much - we are more into the wine and snacks. Do you think I could recommend Jilly Cooper?

kay157 Tue 11-Jan-11 19:27:10

Yes JRSandCoffee i wouldn't be without my JRT!!! he keeps me sane,i love him to bits and wouldn't be without him.Good luck to you too,don't wish anyone to go through this but it does help when you know your not alone and other people have difficulties too!!!

JRsandCoffee Tue 11-Jan-11 20:10:11

Indeed, I'm finding that talking to other people online really does help with the sanity! JRTs rock - mine loves everyone and all the other dogs too.........which some people find really odd which in turn I find odd. He's a wee star, bouncy, cheerful and cuddly depending on your mood, speaks excellent English too as well as good observiation skills..... Understands that when I say "right" in a certain tone of voice it means we're on the move and doesn't bother getting out of bed until I'm completely dressed in the morning, right down to waiting for socks to go on, priceless.

Hi larus I think we've met before too! I don't see why not with the Jilly, you could chose instead to have a discussion on why she's so popular/ and indeed what makes a bestseller - I wrote an entire dissertation on the subject and while it wasn't my finest hour there was definately stuff to discuss! OR you could chose to have an utterly pointless discussion, marks/ bottle of wine to the most pointless instigated train of discussion? I guess it depends on the seriousness of the book club?

larus Tue 11-Jan-11 20:59:00

Now I know what JR stands for. Did wonder. Might just read the new Jilly anyway - would be good distraction for the red witch who isn't due until next week but I think may (again) be about to put in an early start. Bugger. Her new book is here

Book group should probably be renamed wine and gossip chat group. Would be more accurate.

kay157 Tue 11-Jan-11 21:24:40

Hi Larus...yes 3 years is a long time but we were in denial for a little while i was on the pill for 13 years and went through a bit of a rough time when i came off it..bad anxiety attacks so even tho i said 3 years we've only took it seriously for 2. We have had some test done after both being really scared to go and all seems to be ok. We have got to see someone end of feb at the hospital and take it from there. Don't give up hope...i wish you luck and it doesn't matter how long you've been trying for..we all expect it to happen straight away and beat ourselves up when it doesn't!! Have fun trying xx

iwilldothis Wed 12-Jan-11 10:53:52

Thanks for all your replies, ladies. You seem to cope so well... I don't drink and am not a doggy person....maybe I should take up drinking and get a dog??! confused I DO read lots curling up with a good maybe a sensibler (is there such a word?) idea would be to join a book club?!

Still no full AF here, just more spotting. Last night DH said to me "wow....your boobs are HUGE" (he knows about the BFN & spotting). This morning I puked AGAIN. The smell every time I open the fridge turns my stomach......and....wait til you hear this.............................................. .....................................DD (who is 22 months) lifted my top and pointing at my belly said "baba" [hmmm]. She has never done that before! (nor seen anyone else do it!) ?????????????????????????????????
Oooohhh I hate this waiting. I am going to test again in the morning if still no AF arrives......

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