Too scared to feel excited

[pigletmania]

After TTC for nearly 2 years and 1 MC later I have just found out I am pregnant yay!!! However I just cannot bring myself to feel excited yet until I see that baby on the screen. I had a MC last year, I took things for granted as dd was a textbook conception, pregnancy, told everyone before 3 months and then MC. I dont even want to see the midwife until I am about 13-14 weeks as there is no point just in case. It was so hard last year, having to cancel the scans, midwife, and untelling everyone

I am feeling paranoid that i will loose this one, i am not having any symptoms of pregnancy, I am 1 month btw, I did not when I MC at 9 weeks, but with dd i had morning sickness and was really tired. I have not told anyone except for dh and my very close friend.

[pigletmania]

sorry meant I have one dd at the moment who was textbook everything, but took the 2nd pregnancy that ended in MC for granted too, not that i lost dd sorry for confusing.

[pigletmania]

thanks lunatic

[pigletmania]

Thanks carlosss , i dont blame you, its really traumatic going to hospitals makes you feel worse, cant go to the hospital without it all coming back, and this MC happened last year during the christmas period and went for the scan on new years eve so brings it all back. If i did MC early again I would rather deal with it at home in private not in and EPU unit.

[pigletmania]

Oh and carloss, my friend who has MC 5-6 times and had eptopic pregnancy has now got a healthy little boy so dont give up. There are some really lovely uplifting stories from other MNetters who have has trouble TTc, MCs going onto have healthy babies.

[pigletmania]

I hope that you will soon carlosss . Have your read zita wests Guide to Getting Pregnant, its great was reading it before I concived now, other MNetters recommended it to me and using concieve plus lubricant which i ve been using, helps provided the right environment for the little swimmers and helps them along a bit.

[spilttheteaagain]

Poor you Piglet but also tentative congratulations.

I know exactly what you mean about not being able to believe that this one will come to anything, but desperately secretly hoping. I am in just the same boat now. 7 weeks tomorrow, having lost my first at 20 weeks in October.

I've sort of gone the other way to you though - we told hardly any friends last time about the pregnancy (told family though), we meant to say at 12 weeks and then lost our nerve so were waiting for the all clear from the next scan to give us the confidence. Of course that never happened. But this time we started telling people straight away because I know how much I needed listening ears and understanding last time and it would be the same if I lost this one.
I know that there's no shame in losing a baby, it's nothing to hide, and I suppose I am on a bit of a one woman mission to challenge the fact that babyloss seems such a taboo and no one wants to talk about it. I don't mean the bereaved parents don't want to talk - it's the wider world who can't seem to find it in them to say "I'm so sorry" or to appreciate just how big a loss it is.

Wishing you all the very best with this little one. Hoping for a quiet and uneventful pregnancy for us both!

[pigletmania]

Thanks spiltthetea, and congratulations to you doo. Oh no 20 weeks, sorry to hear that, i must be hard when loosing an older baby. My cousins wife lost a baby at 5 months , she now has 3 happy and healthy children. Well its to spare my feelings really, having to untel everybody, and the oh I am sorry kind of thing, if they dont know they are none the wiser. Really hope that you have a happy and healthy little baby in 2011

[owlbooty]

Hey Piglet I also know just how you feel. Having to cancel scans etc is just heart-wrenching. I am now 9 weeks after a m/c earlier this year. I am finding it very hard this time round when last time was all full of naive excitement etc - this time it's been stress all the way.

I also didn't want to contact GP/MW/etc but buckled at about 7 weeks and rang them because I figured if the worst happens I can write to them to cancel instead - and I wouldn't want to cause myself further stress because I then can't get the scan/appointment etc when I need it later on, should I get that far. In the end I ended up sitting in the GP's surgery wailing at her - I actually felt a lot better afterwards and now she knows just how stressed I am about it which is good.

I keep telling myself that the risk of it happening twice is small. And that nothing I do or don't do will change that risk. You might find some helpful people lurking on one of the antenatal threads - I think it's called Totally's grads - they have all been through this and will completely understand if you need to vent!

I hope this time everything goes brilliantly for you and you're feeling calmer very soon :)

[pigletmania]

Thanks so much owlbooty, congratulations and good luck. I am trying to be very careful, not doing anything too streuous though its difficult with an active and tantrumy 3.10 year old.

[Ilovekittyelise]

Hey Piglet

Just saw this thread...someone else in the same boat! Well, similar(ish).

I had a termination in August (she had T21) and then start trying again in Nov, got pregnant, and lost it days later.

Am pregnant again this month but feel differently about it. Hard to explain but the last one didnt feel right and i expected the MC. Im 'lucky' enough that i get symptoms from pretty early on to re-assure me, but its not the same for everyone.

I can't say anything that is going to make you worry any less but a friend of mine had a pregnancy that was threatened as she had a lot of bleeding (went on to be successful). She said from early on she thought positively and enjoyed every moment she had, as she didnt think being negative about it would make it any easier to deal with it if she lost one of the babies. This is how im now looking at it, im going to be happy and positive until i have good reason not to be.

Good luck anad huge hugs

Liz xxx

[OrangeGloss]

Hi everyone, I am in the same boat, 6+4 after a MMC in August.
I've booked a private scan at 8 weeks as my GP said at time of MC I wouldn't get any early help next time :( and hadn't planned on telling him or MW until after then

ILoveKittyElise I thought it was just me! Last pg all the way through despite it being first pg I was so nervous and expecting the worst, and at my 12 weeks scan was heartbroken but not surprised. This time I feel nervous as to what's happened last time, but more positive and more pregnant as weird as that sounds

The ladies on the Totally's Grads thread are lovely, and it is quite a positive thing to see so many successful pg's post-MC

Fx to everyone nervously waiting x