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A sign of how far I've come...

(74 Posts)
OracleInaCoracle Sun 14-Nov-10 09:53:27

Ive just realised that my period is late. after 5 years of knowing every last twinge of my cycle Ive just worked it out and my period was actually due on thursday. Im not going to test yet (natch) because, tbh, i dont want to know one way or another. but my god! 3 years ago I would have tested a week ago. and I would be obsessing and probably looking for baby clothes while mning. is it sad that my expectations have fallen so far, or good that I have grown out of my naivity?

OracleInaCoracle Sun 14-Nov-10 09:55:02

and fwiw, i think my period is on its way anyway!

Fedupttcnosuccess Sun 14-Nov-10 10:57:11

Hi grin -we meet again! Hope you get what you wish for! Imagining that as you're on the these threads that you'd like a baby? Sorry, don't know your story, but am all ears if you'd like to share?! You may still be in with a chance FX, as early pregnancy symptoms are very similar to AF pains- so I learnt from here! xxx

Showaddywaddy Sun 14-Nov-10 10:59:58

Oh lissie.

<squeeze>

I think you reached that point of having to let go a bit or go utterly mad with it.

OracleInaCoracle Sun 14-Nov-10 13:28:15

fedup, we have one ds and have been ttc our second for 5y. had 12 mc's and an ep (lost a tube, nearly died etc) had a zillion tests, to the point where ill happily whip my knickers off for anyone in a white coat (wasnt so great in boots' pharmacy) and all clear. nada. zilch. bad luck, go on holiday, have you tried...... its made me very bitter and i think id quite like to let go o that bitterness now. i dont know if i am up the stick. i could be. we had sex at around the right time. and it would be nice. but if i am then that means that i wont be able to enjoy christmas because i'll be on tenterhooks. ive kind of reached the point where im simultaneously dreading and hoping for a bfp. and ive lost all faith in my body.

showaddy, i think your right. if i am... ok. if not... i refuse to be a slave to my body anymore.

GetDownYouWillFall Sun 14-Nov-10 13:40:36

you have been through such a lot sad I think it is a protection mechanism to distance yourself from it all because you are sick of being hurt over and over again. I totally understand the not wanting to test, and the not even being sure if you want a BFP.

Maybe leave it a few more days and test when you are ready with DH on hand for support.

OracleInaCoracle Sun 14-Nov-10 13:46:04

i think i will probably test on tuesday if no period by then. i know i sound v blase, but i dont know how i would cope if i am pg and i mc again.

Lulumaam Sun 14-Nov-10 13:49:15

is it even worth testing IFYSWIM? ignorance is bliss? <<squeeze>>

OracleInaCoracle Sun 14-Nov-10 13:52:35

lulu, i wish i could just not test. oh, how wonderful it must be to wake up one morning and... ooops! theres a baby! but if i am pg, and even if im not this time and my ovaries oblige another time, then i have to make sure everythings ok. especially with the ep, not to mention the painkillers/anti-inflamms etc that im on.

i might however wait another week.

PussinJimmyChoos Sun 14-Nov-10 13:57:42

<un mnet hug for Lissie>

OracleInaCoracle Sun 14-Nov-10 14:50:49

thank you <sticks head further in sand and obstinately reuses to sympotom spot>

Lulumaam Sun 14-Nov-10 16:03:49

also true. I hope you get your heart's desire xxx

OracleInaCoracle Sun 14-Nov-10 17:54:52

thank you my lovely.

Fedupttcnosuccess Sun 14-Nov-10 19:57:38

Lissie: I have my FXed for you. Such a sad story has to have a happy ending. You have been through so much. Makes me realise what an idiot I am for wanting to get pregnant so desperately. We have been ttc for 2+ years now; numerous tests later: unexplained fertility leaves us back at square one. I always wanted to get pregnant, thinking it would be the most satisfying thing in the world, especially if you have set your heart on having a baby- little realising how full of fear it could be for someone with such devastating experiences in the past. I am really really sorry, Hun. Hope you get some good news soon and that you carry the baby to term. FX xxx good luck

OracleInaCoracle Sun 14-Nov-10 21:25:11

thank you, youre not being an idiot at all. 2 years is a long time, in fact, in ttc-land 2 years is more like 15!

OracleInaCoracle Mon 15-Nov-10 09:57:43

still no period.

fuck.

PussinJimmyChoos Mon 15-Nov-10 12:49:12

Lissie - what are your instincts telling you to do?

OracleInaCoracle Mon 15-Nov-10 12:55:04

tbh, my instincts are telling me to wait another week and just not drink etc. If my ribs flare up i will test so i know whether i should take any tablets, but at the mo then testing wont make me any more up-duffed!

PussinJimmyChoos Mon 15-Nov-10 13:00:12

Ok well if that's what you feel you want to do, then go for it..agree it won't change the outcome and you need to do whatever you feel is best for you emotionally and mentally - especially after all what you have been through

Stay strong <hands chocs over> smile

OracleInaCoracle Mon 15-Nov-10 13:05:21

thanks, im a bit shocked at myself. normally i would have rushed out and bought a test a week ago.

OracleInaCoracle Mon 15-Nov-10 13:09:33

how are you doing anyway?

PussinJimmyChoos Mon 15-Nov-10 13:15:57

I think its a self preservation thing that you feel like that Lissie - and that is totally understandable

I've got two weeks off of work but have the worst chest! Still in PJs and summoning up the energy to get ready for the school run later - DH very kindly did it this am while I lay groaning in bed! Have shopping to do as well <pulls face>

OracleInaCoracle Mon 15-Nov-10 13:18:40

thanks, shame you are feeling so crappy though, bless your dh. whats wrong with your chest is it an infection? when are you due again?

PussinJimmyChoos Mon 15-Nov-10 13:21:01

I think so - loads of it about..I always get it at least once in the winter...meh! grin

Due end of March, God Willing

At its least sunny today so that should make school run more pleasant!

OracleInaCoracle Mon 15-Nov-10 13:24:23

lol im the same, i always get a v nasty flu bout in november/december. i spend winter trying to prepare for it!

march? thats gone quickly! when is your 20w scan?

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