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Another BFN, and I'm starting to think this will never happen

(19 Posts)
ladygray Sat 16-Oct-10 17:25:50

I'm sorry to start whinging straight away (!), but another month of BFN has really left me feeling terrible today.

We've been trying for 8 months, TTC our first. But I've been so ready for a child for at least 18-months before then, so it feels much longer.

Thanks to the calming effects of Acupuncture this month, I've managed to wait until the day AF was due (today), before I caved and tested. I was so hopeful - and it just wasn't to be.

I feel like my life is so pointless and empty without a child. I'm sat here - doing nothing, and whilst I could motivate myself, I just think - what's the point? Feel like my life is going to just be about work, and the thought of that has just had me sat here crying.

God, what a nut bag I am. I'm so sorry to be dumping this out there! I just can't talk to anyone else about it anymore - its too sad, and too depressing to KEEP going on about it to friends and my mum or partner.

Where's the bloody wine...

X

viv73 Sat 16-Oct-10 18:19:50

This could be my thread! Sat here sobbing my eyes out and feel like an idiot. Only really been trying for 3 months but when you want something so much it just really hurts when it doesn't happen.

Been charting and did an OPK this months and did everything right. 10 dpo today and tested this morning and got a BFN but carried on feeling positive and thinking it might by a BFP tomorrow or the next day but then this afternoon AF arrived. Stressing too as 10dpo seems like a really short luteal phase!!

Just called my friend for a chat as she is in the same boat as me and we've been a great support to each other but she had our other (very pregnant) friend round and they were messing around and the pregnant one was pretending to be the friend I called and they were laughing and messing about - totally harmless and usually I'd have laughed along (we tend to act like 13 year olds when we all get together) but I ended up just hanging up and bursting into tears and now I'm on here typing furiously.

I hate my job at the moment and just like you I feel totally unmotivated. I would love to move on to another firm but having a baby is more important to me and I'm feeling trapped.

I know everyone says "relax - it'll happen when it happens" and that stress is no good but its so hard to try and take a step back from it.

Like you I'm seriously worried about keeping on about it to my friends/mum/DH but seeing threads like yours help me know I'm not mad - just a normal woman who would really like a family.

Sending you teary hugs and will raise a toast to you tonight when I'm enjoying that nice large glass of wine.

ladygray Sat 16-Oct-10 20:15:56

Oh, thank you for your message - you're right - it's SOOOO good to know that I'm not the only one feeling this way too!

The 'relax' comments are unbearable aren't they? Impossible! 6 or 7 of my close friends are all pregnant at the mo, and half of them fell preggers in the first month, "..because they weren't really trying.."! Argghhh!

Not that I'm an expert, but I have found going to acupuncture really helpful - not with conception (obviously!), but with keeping things slightly more in perspective, and staying more positive (one of my big problems is feeling overtaken by the gut feeling that this will never happen / somethings wrong etc etc) I've also resisted the temptation to get really stuck into charting etc - I don't think there is anything wrong with it! - but I know myself, and I think it would just fuel my obsessiveness!!!

Well - I'm getting stuck into my second glass of wine, so a big, big crazy lady cheers to you too lovely. Just keeping thinking: that wasn't your baby. Your baby is still coming.
(Thank you Sex and the City for that particular little moment of wisdom) xxxxxx

catmad2010 Sun 17-Oct-10 20:07:46

Me too girls, this is my thread Think we're all so impatient however everyone in the world seems to PG other than me, so I really wouldn't be suprised if my postmenporsal mother in her 60's suddenly announced that she was too!

Just waiting to hear if my BF has had her baby, and then the month after that another close friend is having her second, the month after that someone from work is having hers and the month after that 2 people from work are having theirs. The list goes on.....

I'm on a glass of wine too now, sod it! grin No point in repeating everything you both said above as I've had the same thing, and I'm not charting either. My other half works away for 6 months of the year so there's not much point charting as if I chart and find it's the best time when he's away, when there's nothing I can do about it, I'll feel even worse. Feel like it's impossible with him away all the time so who knows...

But let's think positive! (grin). We'll get there!!!!!

DomesticGoddess31 Tue 19-Oct-10 17:32:13

I've found my thread!
I'm new on here...have read posts a few times, but have just felt compelled to sign up and post finally..so bear with me if I get the acronyms wrong!

I've been TTC now for 13 mths. Seems like everyone is getting pregnant around me, including my BF who is a couple of weeks away from her due date.

My cycle never settled down after coming off the pill so never mind the 2WW, I'm on the 4WW this cycle, its driving me nuts. I've done 2 tests and I know I'm not pregnant, I just want AF to hurry up so I can start again sad

DomesticGoddess31 Thu 28-Oct-10 08:25:15

ladygray , viv73 and catmad2010

How are things going for you girls? Any joy?
I am having the longest cycle I have had so far and a third BFN has left me feeling terrible again

I'm going for some blood tests next week but it's all taking ages and I feel like They should be doing more than just blood tests. Anyone else been to the doctors yet?

MissFlick Fri 29-Oct-10 16:18:19

I'm with you ladies

Also having a very loooong cycle- day 48 today. However, I think I ovulated on day 34/5 as I happened to have a scan on day 34 where my doctor saw a 22mm follicle on my right ovary. I'm hoping that it popped out but like you said, I can't ever imagine those two lines appearing.

Also have lots of pregnant friends and my best friend announced her pregnancy two weeks ago which was extra hard to take as had both been suffering with long cycles etc, sharing our ttc journey and supporting each other. Now she is pregnant and moaning about how sick she feels- I want to remind her that I would do anything to be in her position!

Sorry for the rant but just had to post as I am feeling just the same as you all xx

KnackeredCow Fri 29-Oct-10 17:06:28

And I'm with you too. Spent this morning in tears when AF arrived in full. I'm on to cycle 14 of trying now.

I just wonder if it's ever going to happen, and if it doesn't then what's the point of it all?

DomesticGoddess I've been to the GP's. I've had bloods for thyroid function, diabetes, FSH/LH and progesterone. I've been swabbed for bacterial vaginosis and chlamydia and gonorrhea (done as standard to ensure risk of PID is low). Everything was absolutely normal and I have a cycle that you can set a watch by. Referral has been made to fertility. DH has subsequently got appointment through for SA (16th November). First went to doctor's in September.

Shall be slurping the vino tonight too.

Really glad I am not the only one who feels this way.

xx

Bster Fri 29-Oct-10 18:10:53

Hello, I'm in the same boat, I remember when we first started ttc - every month I was convinced we'd get a BFP, but now it's the other way around!

We've been trying since January, apart from 3 or 4 months off in the middle, as we were moving house. So I think this will be our 6th or 7th month. I'm due to test on Monday, so fingers crossed.

Good luck everyone.
xxx

slowshow Fri 29-Oct-10 19:11:44

I hate my job at the moment and just like you I feel totally unmotivated. I would love to move on to another firm but having a baby is more important to me and I'm feeling trapped

Oh viv73, for what it's worth I could have said EXACTLY the same thing. Sucks, doesn't it? I'm only on cycle 3 but I'm already so anxious to get pregnant quickly because I feel so DONE with my career at this point in my life, I think I'll go mad if I have to stagnate at my current job for another year or more. I wish I could be more relaxed about it.

LankyLegs Fri 29-Oct-10 19:39:25

Jesus - this is me!! I hate feeling this way. Have been TTC for 13 months now and really getting quite down about it. Life just feels all about work and it seems nothing will shift that dull ache of not being able to get pregnant

Nice to know there are lots of girls feeling the same. It does feel like its never going to happen though - how do you keep up spirits?!

We have had loads of tests done etc and just waiting for a fertility referral. Its so funny as a year ago I never thought I would be one of those people who it would take ages to get pregnant but its funny how quickly the months roll by and nothing happens.

Good luck girls... x

Belu Thu 11-Nov-10 20:04:50

Hello. I've just joined (hooked in by the underactive thyroid thread) and was browsing through when I came across this thread. It feels like you are all saying what I am thinking and so, although maybe no one ever checks this any more, I felt I had to reply!

We've been ttc for 12 cycles now and I've just been diagnosed with an underactive thyroid - I have TSH levels of 27.1 and, apparently, they should be 1-2.... I'm hoping that it is the missing piece of the jigsaw (we've both had other tests which revealed nothing alarming), but at the same time the thought that we might have to wait several more months until my levels are normal (and even then, who knows) just feels so difficult to do right now. I was meant to be meeting a friend tonight, but she has just announced pregnancy number 2 (will be born when number 1 is 17 months and both times happened very quickly) and I just couldn't quite face doing the whole congratulations thing right now so am sitting at my desk instead (although am planning on beating my inner misery wimp and will see her soon!).

So anyway, a bit of a moan, but also a hello. Like slowshow and viv73 I'm desperate to move jobs and was feeling trapped by the whole baby thing. However, I've now decided it's only adding to the stress so am actively job hunting (although that's a whole other story!).

Good luck to everyone and thank you for demonstrating that I'm not going quietly mad!

DomesticGoddess31 Thu 11-Nov-10 21:25:14

Hi belu I'm still checking this thread! It's one of the few things that keeps me sane to know that I'm not alone!

I am very much over my career too and needed desperately to leave over a year ago but since we wanted to start a family that's come first and I too have ended up feeling trapped. I've managed to change jobs internally so it's not AS bad but what I really want is just to be a mummy

I've now had bloods to check blood count, diabetes and had chlamydia test, all fine. DH just waiting for his test result, and then there's my annoying cycle....its been irregular since coming off the pill in august last year but I'm on CD65 today !?!? WTF ?!?!?!? and can't go for the fertility tests till AF kicks in. Bored with it!

BF is about to pop any moment and I'm going to be happy for her but I wish it wasn't tinged with sadness for myself. God I need to get a grip! It's not the end of the world and it's going to happen for us all damn it!

Belu Thu 11-Nov-10 23:14:35

Hurrah! Good to hear from you.

I know what you mean about wanting to get a grip - it's so easy to get caught up in the whole this-is-awful mindset and it does take over your life. And then I think of my friends who have been trying for much longer and have been through several failed IVF cycles. Or the friends that would love to have children but haven't met the right man yet (and I'm 33 so time is starting to be a factor for us all). And I think that I actually have a very good life and a wonderful husband, and a job (and it isn't that bad). And the baby will turn up eventually....

But then I start obsessing again....

However, although I find it difficult to be around pregnant people at the moment, my goddaughter, who is nearly one, brings me so much happiness when I see her and, in a funny way, it really does help. (Not least because sometimes she screams and I can hand her back! She also reminds me that I can still go out or away for weekends without having to consider childcare....) Hopefully that will be the same for you when your BF has her baby.

I'm sorry to hear that you're waiting for AF after so long - I can't imagine how frustrating that must be. I have regular 28 day cycles and, much as I hate getting AF each month, at least I feel like I have another chance soon. I hope that it comes soon so that you're able to go for your fertility tests and can get some answers. My GP has agreed to refer me and I'll set this up when I go for the next round of thyroid blood tests next month. We've already had a fair bit done though - I had mild endometriosis lasered off in the summer (so mild it apparently wouldn't have made a difference to TTC) as well as a progesterone test (no problem) and my husband has been passed as good to go! I'm convinced that it must be the underactive thyroid for us....

Sorry - that turned into quite a ramble, but I hope that it all made sense. Please do keep me updated as to how you get on - it's good to have someone to share all this with!

DomesticGoddess31 Sun 14-Nov-10 22:11:09

Errr so it turns out that AF wasn't arriving because I'm actually preggo grin

I've been rather windy the last few days....blush and somewhat gone off alcohol(?!?!) and just took another test this am just for the hell of it and what d'ya know a BFP! Test says 2-3 wks! Can't believe it!

I honestly thought it was never going to happen so just goes to show! It's just a matter of when girls wink

Miffles Mon 15-Nov-10 09:54:50

Have been glancing at this thread every now and then and wanted to congratulate DomeesticGoddess - fantastic news! Gives us all hope! grin grin

DomesticGoddess31 Tue 16-Nov-10 05:38:13

Thanks [miffles] !

ArabellaRose Tue 16-Nov-10 07:33:33

Domestic31, have been reading this thread and am absolutely delighted to hear your news, best of luck to you!

To the other ladies on this thread, I have my fingers crossed that the same thing will happen for you very soon.

matana Tue 16-Nov-10 15:44:31

I know exactly how you feel from bitter experience and i'm really sorry you're feeling that way. But honestly, eight months is not that long even if it feels it. Given the odds of getting pregnant each month and how the conditions have to be 'just right' for it to happen, it's a miracle anyone gets pregnant!

I'm currently 38 weeks but it took us over two years to conceive because i have PCOS. In the end it happened naturally, but not before an awful lot of heartache and medical prodding around for both of us blush

I suppose the best things in life really are worth waiting for. Good luck, but don't lose hope.

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