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Conception

So it's now or never, but I don't feel ready.

6 replies

ReformedCharacter · 14/08/2010 18:31

We were planning to conceive next year, when (hopefully) we'd be in better circs than we are right now.

I wanted to lose weight (currently obese), get a bit of money in the bank and sort out a few health problems. Main health issue is coming off ADs so I can conceive safely (according to GP) and finally getting rid of the persistent UTIs, thrush and BV that I get. I've just been prescribed a new ointment that has got my psoriasis under control for the first time in years and I'll have to stop using that too.

I really feel like I need the next year to deal with these issues.

DP has arthritis and is off work recovering from an op that we were hoping would give him a better quality of life. The op didn't work and he's in constant pain and discomfort. Yesterday his consultant told him that he needs to take medication that could cause birth defects if we conceive while he's taking them. He'll be on the meds long term so although we're only mid 30s', waiting is now not an option. His consultant has suggested that we bring forward our plans to conceive and hopefully I'll be pregnant in the next 3 months so DP can start his treatment.

I have 2 choices - either get pregnant within the next 3 months, or forget about ever having another child.

I can't bear the idea that our family is complete (we have an 8 year old son together), but don't feel that the time is right. I think I could go ahead with this if I could take my ADs but my GP has been so negative about this, even suggesting that it's not fair to bring a baby into the world while I have 'problems'.

Sorry, I know this post is long and garbled. Thanks to anyone that's still reading.

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AmandaCooper · 14/08/2010 20:31

It sounds like you know what you want to do deep down, because you've said you can't bear the idea that your family is complete.

You must be feeling so ovewhelmed by everything that has happened to you lately, especially your DH being in such a bad way and having to take in all this information from the specialist. I do feel for you.

It is not really your GPs place to make moral judgements about whether or not you should bring a child into the world. That is not his or her job. Maybe you should ask to speak to a different GP at your surgery to see if you can get a more balance opinion.

Do you have much support from family and friends?

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ljg72 · 15/08/2010 07:57

I'm so sorry your having such a bad time and feel for you.
I agree with Amanda, and would ask to talk to another GP.

Coming of any medication is always hard, especially when you are being made to feel guilty about it to!

You have some serious thinking to do, and I'm sure you will work it out together.

By the way I know somebody who has 4 DC, and has taken AD throughout, as she just cant be without them, and all her children are perfect!...she was advised that her mental wellbeing was priority!, and dose was lowered during pregnancy...

Good luck X

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ReformedCharacter · 15/08/2010 21:19

Thanks both of you. All the sympathy in RL is very much focused on DP, and of course he deserves that because he has been through a very bad time. It feels nice to be heard on here and understood Smile

DP and I are going to see another GP at our practice together tomorrow. We're about 99% certain that we're going to ttc now so I just need to know how to safely (but quickly) sort out my ADs. I'd prefer to do as your friend did, ljg, and have my dose lowered or switch to a safer drug. Will wait to see what the Dr. says about it.

Amanda, I'm lucky to have lots of support in RL. Both my and DP's parents would love another GC. I've spoke to my mum today and although she's concerned that I'm not ready she understands why we're going ahead.

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AmandaCooper · 15/08/2010 21:49

It sounds like you've given it a lot of thought and that you are being realistic about everything. It's good to hear that you've got a lot of support.

I hope it goes well at the doctors. Try to put the bad experience you had with the last doctor out of your mind.

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librahope · 17/08/2010 13:29

Hi there Reformed,

Unfortunately, I cannot comment on the AD, but I can throw in my two cents on the arthritis drugs as DH takes them.

We don't have any children yet and have been seriously considering starting a family. However the timing for us is also just not right at the moment. Financially and otherwise, while we want children desperately some day, it's just not the right time for us at the moment.

Now, DH has taken Humira injections for the past few years, and although we were very concerned this could cause problems should we decide to ttc, both of our GPs, our practice nurse, and his specialist assured us it would be OK.

Further complicating this, he has just been told he needs to start methotrexate in conjuction with his injections(a low dose form of chemotherapy which is taken indefinately) and that we absolutely MUST NOT ttc or get pregnant while he is on this medication.

As a positive, though, the specialist has told us that when we do decide to start a family, he must simply stop the medication 3-6 months before we start to try. She was sure that there should be no long term effects on his fertility, etc. from the medication after that period of time. There is also a likely chance that he may go into remission, as that is apparantly their goal with starting this new treatment, and if he does he will be able to go off of all the medication entirely and we could ttc then. As he has been desperately ill for sometime, this was a massive surprise and encouragement to both of us. Either way, when the timing is right, I'm certain that we will figure it out.

What I'm saying is, don't give up hope. Just because you can't get pregnant now due to these circumstances which are out of your control, it doesn't necessarily mean that you can never get pregnant. I was really worried about this due to his meds and I took great care to ask lots of questions about it to the docs (and probably drive them all crazy in the process), which has gone a long way towards reassuring me.

Anyway, all the very best of luck to you both as I know how difficult this disease can be to cope with.

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ReformedCharacter · 23/08/2010 04:31

Hi Librahope, I've only just seen this. Thanks so much for your message.

DP was on methotrexate after his first arthroscopy, 4 years ago. It's a weird drug isn't it? IIRC he had to take 7 tablets all together with some folic acid just once a week. He was on this for about a year and they caused severe headaches (hope this doesn't happen with your DH) and sickness. At the time DP was in denial about his rheumatoid arthritis and believed that the swelling was due to an old sports injury and that he had been misdiagnosed [sigh] so just stopped taking them. We we're not getting on well at the time and certainly not thinking of conceiving so he didn't tell me the risks.

His consultant wants to try different drugs this time, but they carry the same risks as methotrexate. We've agreed to start ttc next cycle (although I keep changing my mind) but I'm worried about miscarrying just after DP starts taking the new meds. I'm feeling quite cross about this really as I've miscarried before but it seems like I'm being high maintenance to want to factor this in.

I'm worried about DP's job at the moment as well. His employers keep phoning to find out when he's coming back and were not happy when they found out he'd been signed off for another 4 weeks. I don't want DP to go back to his job as it's too physical for him - I think he's been trying to cope with the pain for a long time, but for the past couple of years he's taken hours longer than his colleagues to finish a day's work. It's been very hard to get him to face up to the truth and change his lifestyle. I don't know what will happen about money though.

I'm really encouraged by your DH's doctors suggesting that he just stop taking the meds 3-6 months before you ttc. That wasn't suggested to us and I assumed it wasn't possible. It would solve a multitude of problems if we could put off conceiving for a year. DP is back at the hospital for an ultrasound guided injection on Wednesday so we'll chat to his consultant about it then hopefully.

Thanks for your post, you've been a big help. It's nice to hear from someone in similar circumstances as well Smile

Best of luck to the both of you as well.

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