what do you do when you want another baby and partner does not?

[missytequila]

I am contemplating when to conceive baby number 2, but partner is hesitating/not sure about the whole thing. Then i was talking to a few other moms who seem desperate for another child...yet the partner is not keen at all. I think its the worst feeling in the world to realise partner/husband does not want the same thing..anyone else in a this situation? any advice with convincing/coping....

[spiralqueen]

Not personally but friends have been. She had very hard time conceiving. DC1 who has autism. She wanted another DC but DH didn't due to the risks to her health and the possibility of problems with DC2 so things were very difficult between them. Things seemed to get a lot better and they were planning for the future for the 3 of them. She then announced that she was pg and that she hadn't been using contraception for a long time. He was absolutely devastated and couldn't get over the betrayal of trust. He pointed out that he could never have had a vasectomy without telling her and her decision not to inform him of what she was doing had even more irreversable consequences.

Their relationship just steadily deteriorated after that as he realised that the improvements in the relationship were just in order that she could get pg rather than the start of a happier period of their lives. She was so happy to be pg that nothing else seemed to matter. They split up before the birth and are now divorcing and it has been very messy.

That urge for another DC is so strong but I would strongly caution against tricking a DP/DH into it unless you really want to be a single mum.

[CarGirl]

We had lots of arguments about it, I was prepared to leave, so dp conceded. I think dp knew I was very serious, time wasn't on our side as such.

It's such an individual thing, very difficult one tbh.

[feedthegoat]

I am in that situation.

Ds is now approaching 5 and I have wanted another for well over 18 months. Sadly dh is adamant he doesn't want anymore.

I stuggled to cope at first but believe that choosing to have a child (on purpose anyway) should only be done if it is what you both want. I would hate to delibrately bring a child into our family that may be resented by one of us.

It dosen't stop me feeling sad about it. Particularly at times like this when ds has had his last day at nursery school and I got to meet a friend beautiful 2 day old DD but I know I have find a way to deal with it.

I'm not saying I've got it sussed mind. I still have a loft full of baby things that I'm not emotionally ready to part with, even though I could do with the cash and know we won't be using them again.

[NoMoreChocBiscuits]

It's worse when you think you the only person who feels that way. I've only just steamrollered pursuaded DH it's time to loose the IUD and see what happens in the baby making department.

The best thing about MN is that actually there are stacks of MNers wanting another DC but having trouble bringing OH on board.

There is a great thread here dedicated to just that if you're interested.

[NoMoreChocBiscuits]

PS, sorry to hear about your friends SQueen That must be truely horrible for all concerned. Can't imagine how your friend will feel when she finally realises the consequences of her actions.
I'd never try for another DC if DH wasn't onboard with it (which I know he is, he just needed a kick up the bum), it's just not worth it.

[spiralqueen]

Nomore - I wonder too. at the moment she has the DCs she wanted and a council house which is plenty big enough for them. However she has received little support from people locally as they have seen the impact her scheming to get a baby (and also the house) has had on the ex-DH. Possibly surprisingly the sympathy had been with him rather than her even from other women.

It's an awful situation to be in. It's easy for other people to suggest solutions but all the options carry major and probably life long implications and problems. Terribly sad.