Autism etc I think there is something

[Niccat83]

Hello everyone

I am looking for some advice

My 4 year old son has a terrible problem with being away from from me to start with, recently he started school and they think he should have settled down by now however he screams hysterically and gets himself into a situation where he is uncontrollable he’s had a few days off due to this. When I take him to school I have to leave him at the screaming to be taken away by the teacher, they think he may be suffering with some sort of separation disorder.

I have also picked up on a few these things that’s concern me,

He does not like his food touching School put his meatballs on top of his rice and he went ballistic because they were touching even when the teacher move them off he still would not eat

Toast I know this Is silly but unless cut in a certain way he will not eat it

Sandwiches again if the filling day jam goes in the outside of the bread he will not eat it he will put it in the bin and ask for it to be made again properly

He unpacks and packs his bag at least 6 if not more times checking he has got everything

Lists oh god he likes to make a list for everything right down to what building work needs doing in our bathroom silly things that he should it even be bothered about

He likes everything done in a certain way and you can’t do it any other because he won’t eat or won’t do what your asking

It know this is a long post sorry but I wanted to get in everything I could

[bialystockandbloom]

Well (disclaimer!) I can only comment from my own experience of having a ds with autism, but the key things that would lead to a diagnosis are fundamental difficulties in the ‘triad of impairments’: communication, interaction and imagination (pretend play etc at that age, then theory of mind in older children).

How does he interact with you, others, other children? Do nursery have any concerns there? Is his play typical of his age? Eg When my ds was 4yo he had very very little pretend or imaginative play.

The things you describe could be traits, but again could be very typical of any neurotypical 4yo. Those things are maybe a bit more obsessive than normal, but if it’s just that alone would not give me massive concern for autism tbh, but I’d look at it all in the wider context of his interaction generally. I think if you have any niggles its always a good idea to pursue it though. I’d probably start by talking to nursery I think.

[bialystockandbloom]

Sorry, school not nursery!!

[bialystockandbloom]

Also, I wonder if some of those things may be down to anxiety about starting school?

[Niccat83]

He attended nursery and would not get involved in any of the plays etc just point blank refused, he had one very close friend and I think he has struggled when starting school without the same friend.

He’s loves imaginative play and will happily sit and do that and is at the correct age on everything

He just seems very compulsive with certain things

I have spoken to his teacher and she suggested I make an appointment with the gp with regards to separation anxiety

Maybe I am just overthinking

Thank you for your reply

[Themummy76]

Do you push back on him and tell him no? Either eat your sandwich like that or go hungry? Or do you remake it the way he wants?
I think you just need to start being stricter and imposing some healthy boundaries on him

[Worriedobsessive]

’m sorry but tbh it just sounds like you’ve raised a spoiled brat

Have you been drinking? Because that’s the only way I could imagine you could come up with such a silly and goady post.

[Worriedobsessive]

OP he sounds quite anxious. And he’s still below compulsory school age, so why not keep him off, or send him part time?

He may or may not have autistic traits, but he’s very little still and might just need him mum.

[Emily7708]

Has he always had the separation anxiety and OCD behaviours or are these new issues? Has he been ill at all over the last couple of years, particularly with any viruses?

[DangerMouse17]

If aged 4 then it's still very young. Perhaps you could have held him back a year given they don't need to be in school until age 5.

Sounds like anxiety and my ds screamed every morning for the first 2mths of school. The teacher was literally dragging him off me. Then suddenly it stopped. It may take patience but ultimately it sounds like he's just not ready for school.

[Themummy76]

No not been drinking - look st what the op is actually saying about her son. Essentially he wants everything done his way and she does it for him to keep the peace. I can’t see any evidence of any autistic behaviour. There’s no mention of what’s she’s doing to combat his behaviour or what she’s tried in the past. She just seems to let him run with it then wonders why he’s so fussy.

[Hairq]

This sounds like OCD to me, not autism.

[Hairq]

Posted too soon. Google 'OCD children' for info and consider taking him to the doctors as a first step - they should be able to get the ball rolling so you can access CAMHS. If it's impacting his life to this extent and causing him this much distress he needs some sort of counselling or therapy - your GP will advise.

[BarbarianMum]

Well, just for the record, I don't think what the OP is describing sounds like "spoilt brat" at all. More like very anxious , struggling child.

OP no idea if this is asd, ocd or the extreme end of normal but a developmental paediatrician will. I suggest you talk to your gp for a referral.