Worried/worrying five year old

[BlackInk]

My five year old DD hasn't been herself for the whole of the school summer holidays and I'm not sure whether it's a normal/developmental thing or whether I should take her to see someone (GP? Health visitor?).

Out of nowhere she's started saying she feels bad because of things she's done in the past. Examples are: pretending she had a tummy ache at school to get out of doing an activity she didn't fancy, picking up a sequin from the floor during assembly and putting it in her drawer, making a joke about my boobs to our next door neighbour.... She also keeps saying that she doesn't know what it feels like to have fun/enjoy herself. The most worrying thing she has said is that she felt relieved when a friend's baby died because she was only used to her having one child. This really shocked me - this happened two years ago (when DD was 3) and I only once briefly chatted to her about it because I had to explain why my friend was no longer pregnant and there was no baby.
DD says her brain is telling her that she's done something bad.
I just don't know how to help her. I've been gently and briefly responding - briefly acknowledging her concerns, but reassuring her that she doesn't need to feel bad about these things. But it doesn't seem to be helping.
DD has also been complaining of tummy aches frequently throughout the day every day since school broke up, but she doesn't seem ill.
Could this all be down to worrying about the new school year? She was very worried about starting school this time last year, but the bad feelings are new and they worry me.
Sorry to ramble on. Any advice would be much appreciated :(
BI x

[MrsOverTheRoad]

It sounds like anxiety. Has she got access to much screen time?

If so, I'd heavily reduce/stop that completely and up the physical excersise a lot.

Does she get much physical excersise?

What's her sleep and diet like?

one of my DDs had a lot of anxiety at this age too. I found the above helped a LOT.

Also, naming emotions/feelings helps. At this age they feel just as strongly as we do but they have little to no grasp of emotions in relation to previous experiences.

So the feeling of jealousy for instance when a friend plays with someone else, is entirely new...and they can't understand it...likewise with nervousness....or grief....or just missing you.

I would simplify DDs feelings with names like "the missing mummy feeling" and discuss how she could feel better if that feeling came about....and to notice it and think "Ah...that's the missing Mummy feeling...I know what that is and Mummy told me she'd be waiting at hometime and that she's thinking about me and missing me too"

This all helped and she's now a well balanced 13 year old.

[BlackInk]

Thank you for your reply MrsOverTheRoad

DD does have some screen time, but not excessive and pretty harmless stuff - a bit of Cbeebies, YouTube videos of people playing with toys etc. But she's not all that bothered and never spends long on the screen.

Her diet is ok (bit low on vegs) although she's not eating much these last few weeks and has lost some weight.

She's very lively and athletic. Never sits still, always running, dancing, climbing etc.

Nothing new or stressful going on homewise, so I think it must be school worries.

I think/hope she's just becoming more aware of feelings like guilt, happiness, regret etc. She can be such a joyful, carefree little person and it makes me so sad to see her like this.

I'm glad to hear that your daughter has outgrown her worries. I'm a worrier myself and don't want to pass this on to DD.

BI x

[MrsOverTheRoad]

Me too OP, me too :) I worry about all kinds of rubbish I shouldn't!

DH was quite forceful in telling me to make sure that I didn't pass on my worries to her.

So I'm careful not to "over discuss" or "pry" too much into her feelings about things