Hi Hackneyzoo,
I didn't want to read and run although I have no idea whether 5% is high or not. But I think you need to put the 5% figure out of your head.
Our DS was born with a congenital heart defect. This wasn't spotted until he was almost two weeks old. We were rushed to hospital with him as his body was battling to keep either his respiratory or his digestive system going - he couldn't do both so he wasn't feeding because his heart couldn't pump enough oxygen round to keep his lungs and his digestion going at the same time.
We were told he needed an emergency balloon angioplasty - where they put a small balloon on a catheter and 'pop' open an obstructed valve in the heart or clear an obstruction (in his case it was a malformed valve which couldn't open and shut properly)
We were told that there was a chance of the angioplasty triggering a heart attack and he would then probably die on the operating table as he was so weak.
But, as his fantastic surgeon explained, they had to tell us that. It was a possible outcome so they had to prepare us for that. Without the procedure though our DS would definitely be dead within a month through starvation or a heart attack. That was the outcome - take a chance or definite death. There's no contest with those scenarios really is there?
It is so hard when they are in the theatre - we kissed DS goodbye and didn't know if it was a 'see you soon' or 'you gave us the best two weeks of our lives' kiss. We sat in the cafeteria waiting for the mobile to ring to tell us DS was out of surgery and it was only when we saw his surgeon with a huge grin on his face that we actually felt the weight lift.
DS is now coming up for 9 years old. He will probably need another angioplasty at least once more in his life, possibly more and possibly open heart surgery. But he runs about like a maniac and enjoys his life - to see him you'd never spot something was wrong.
Every operation brings a risk - but you need to focus on the fact that 95% of the operations that your DC is going to go through are successful to some degree or other.
Don't be afraid to contact the surgical team to talk to someone about your fears - they can't make guarantees but they can give you more information which may help you switch the focus. At our son's hospital there were nurses who acted as the bridge between the surgeon and the parents so it's worth asking if your hospital is the same - our son's nurse answers any questions we may have like what sports can he do, can he fly to certain places on holiday etc. Questions our GP may not really have the answers to as he's not a specialist in heart defects.
I hope everything goes well. It is a huge worry, especially as you feel so helpless, but try to think what life would be like without the operation and concentrate on how it could be better with it.