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Behaviour issues- ongoing for the last 8 years

(4 Posts)
stressedoutstu Mon 23-Nov-15 16:05:23

Please bear with me as this is my first post. I'll try and keep it as beief as possible.

Youngest daughter born Oct 2003. Normal pregnancy, normal birth, slept the majority of the time for the first 6 months, and we've had no peace since. (she's 12)

By the time she was 4 we knew there was something wrong. The terrible 2's just seemed to be ongoing. She refused to do as she was told, marched to the sound of her own beat. Would get told off for doing something and then would be doing the same thing less than 5 minutes later, she would run off at the earliest opportunity when we were out. We've been through several sets of reigns and wrist straps in oredr to keep her within sight.

Concerned we went to the Gp who referred us to the local council for help. This consisted of 2 social workers coming round and telling us that we knew nothing of parenting, that we were not punishing her correctly etc etc, all despite the fact we have an elder daughter who is fine and we have never had any problems with and both of them are treated exactly the same.

These sessions came to an end when out of the blue, and without any evidence at all to base on, one of the SW said they were concerned about the possibility of my wife beating our daughter because she'd been beaten as a child by a parent. At this point they were told to leave my home and told not to come back.

For a few years we tried our best to try and get a control on the issue of our youngests behaviour, we read the boks we watched the TV shows, and we were already doing the things we were told we should be doing.

At school parents evening we kept being told that our daughter was fine, she was happy, made people laugh, and was the life of the party.

At this point we decided that it must be our fault and tried to manage it.

Around 4 years ago I took youngest back to the doctors and the GP this time referred her to CAHMS. They responded to GP and said that what he had put in referral was not within their remit. Unfortunately this information was not relayed to us and so again we felt as though we had no other avenue to turn to.

In May 2015, and with youngest daughter starting Secondary school in September 2015 I decided to speak directy to her year 6 teacher as we had missed his parents evening earlier in the year.

He listened to what I had to say, I explained that she had a temper at home, that she told stories, that she wouldn't listen if she had something that she wanted to do and believed was more important, that she was violent towards me and her sister, that she had destroyed toys, doors, walls at home, and that she seemed to live in a dream world at times and that when she was in this state she was very hard to communicate with.

I also expolained to him that I can tell when she's in this dream like state because she sings, outloud, but has no recolection of doiing so whern questioned about it.

The teachers response was a shock to me. He agreed with everything I had described and said that this had been the case at school for a few years. He explained that she had hit and puched children for no reason, and he agreed about the daydream world she seems to live in.

When I asked why they hadn't come to us about it I was told that the school were under the impression we didn't care.

Anyway I went back to the GP at this point armed with a letter from the teacher.

The GP explained that I had to be referred to the Early Help team at the local council and that she could do no more until then.

From seeing the GP in late July I have had an assessment done where both I and my wife and the 2 kids had to answer questions on day to day living etc, and I've had 2 meeting with the Early help team, both within the last 2 weeks, where they guy there has said that he feels that this problem is beyond their remit and that I need to go back to the GP.

My daughters problems are causing tensions in the household. I am disabled and suffer from depression as a result of my disability. This whole issue is making this worse.

The problems we have with her are extensive. In the moring she refuses to get up and get dressed leading to her having had 16 late marks since the start of the school year. The school have sent out a letter stating she is now on review and that further lates could lead to fines (£60 per parent per child) which we simply cannot afford (and I will ultimately refuse to pay)

I have spoken to the school but all we are getting is how good a student she is (with the exception of 2 teachers who have highlighted problems)

I have asked the school for some leaway on the lates issue but they have refused. I even brought up the Equality Act issue with them explaining that they may have the responsibility to make reasonable adjustments, but they refused and said that I am responsible for contacting the Local Authority education department about this.

I feel like we are going around in circles again.

This problme has both my wife and I crying when we discuss it.

We both work and this is affecting us at work also.

I have an appointment with the GP on Thursday with my youngest daughter and I want to know what I should be asking/demanding.
For many years I have believed that she has ODD and possibly ADHD, i also believe that she falls somewhere on the autistic spectrum.

I don't know what the process is for being 'tested' or if tests even exist.

It sounds awful but things are so bad at the moment that I have said that I would put her in a childrens home if things don't get better. Thats how bad things are. I love her to bits. More than life itself, but we're getting lost in constant battles with her.

She's a big girl (not overweight) and she has amazing physical strength. We're struggling and all we want is some help.

Can anyone please offer some advice considering the appointment we have on Thursday?

Please be gentle with me, Many thanks

Sorry for the length of the post.

beautifulgirls Mon 23-Nov-15 21:28:42

Please check your inbox as I have sent you a message.

Elisheva Tue 01-Dec-15 21:35:12

Have you looked on the Autism UK website? They have some very interesting information about girls with ASD and why it is so difficult to diagnose. I don't know where you are in the country but they have a specialist diagnostic team for girls. Maybe they could be of some help?

stressedoutstu Wed 02-Dec-15 14:39:03


We went to the Gp last Thursday and she has (seemingly reluctantly) referred us to CAMHS but she says there is no guarantee that they will accept the referral.

Thanks for the advice so far, I will check out the Autism UK website.

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