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Mumsnetters aren't necessarily qualified to help if your child is unwell. If you have any serious medical concerns, we would urge you to consult your GP.

Dd2 (13) saying she can't do this anymore and wants to be dead. No gp appointments left for today, what do i do ?

(58 Posts)
TheOriginalNutcracker Tue 11-Jun-13 11:21:10

She is suffering from depression and anxiety (imo) and has been referred to camhs, but our appointment isn't until 25th June.

Have had an awful morning with her and I don't know what to do anymore.

ChippingInWiredOnCoffee Tue 11-Jun-13 15:01:15

TON - I hope you can find a way though this for her - poor little love sad and please keep looking after yourself as well x

mignonette Tue 11-Jun-13 15:02:43

Is there a crisis intervention team that you could call? Even if it is for adult services, they may be able to offer phone support.

If not, try MIND or other voluntary services such as Childline. Have you made in clear to your GP that you consider this to be an emergency? Mental Health emergencies are as important as other health crises. I would add that A+E may well be a good resort as at the very least it will add a 'flag' to her notes. It also tells her that you are listening.

You have my sympathies. CAMHs are very patchy still. Can you access any support for yourself from support groups for parents?

mignonette Tue 11-Jun-13 15:05:45

If they want to admit her then that may be the best and only option. If she cannot take responsibility for her own safety because of her mental state, then others must do that for her. And you cannot be expected to do the job of inpatient services.

I know how hard it can be to hand your child over to inpatient care but sometimes it is the only way-to provide a place of safety and to remove the child from a dynamic/environment that they cannot feel safe in. And I mean that as no criticism of you or your care of her.

notasaint Tue 11-Jun-13 15:09:06

I feel for you. You are doing all the right things though.

Do you live in London? If so, the Maudsley child psychiatric unit is simply wonderful and one of the best in the world - see if you can get an urgent referral. When my DD was self harming at about the same age we had a really quick referral then months of CBT and fantastic help. She is now a happy, lovely teenager heading for a top University.

I think for her, it was friendship issues btw - that is just the age when they dominate for girls.

I wish you much strength. flowers

LilRedWG Tue 11-Jun-13 20:44:05

How is DD now Op? I hope that you managed to get her some help.

vitaminC Tue 11-Jun-13 21:23:26

Yes, OP, how are you all doing? flowers

TheOriginalNutcracker Wed 12-Jun-13 00:16:30

Really sorry guys, tried to update earlier but had no connection.

Dd has been admitted. She's not on a psych ward as there are no beds, but she may be moved onto there tomorrow, depending on what happens when camhs see her. If they feel it is appropriate, she might come home and be seen in the community.

She was very honest with them and said she wishes she was dead, and that life isn't worth living sad
They also made a note of the fact that she's becoming more violent and destructive.

I haven't stayed with her, because een though I could have on the ward shes on now, I know I can't on the psych ward, so I felt it best to leae her from the start. She was ok when I left though, and is comfortable with the nurse she's got and that I will be back in to see her in the morning.

The messages on here mean such a lot, and it's nice to know i'm not alone, so thank you all.

Oh, and we are in Brum btw, so she is in the children's hospital, which I know is fab because I used to work there lol.

Snazzywaitingforsummer Wed 12-Jun-13 00:39:08

No worries, knew you would have a lot on your plate. Just glad that DD has been seen and taken seriously and is OK for the moment. Hope you can get some sleep tonight ready for tomorrow.

notasaint Wed 12-Jun-13 12:17:33

Well done OP. Your DD is in a safe place now and I am sure the doctors will treat her appropriately. It's tough that she is not at home with you but it does sound like some inpatient treatment could be good for her. You did the right thing. I wish you all the luck in the world with her treatment.

I expect you feel shattered. Are you ok? How are the younger ones taking this? I expect they will need reassurance too.

LilRedWG Wed 12-Jun-13 12:32:26

Well done. I'm glad DD is safe and you are right BCH is a wonderful hospital!

Januarymadness Wed 12-Jun-13 12:38:20

Well done. Stay strong. She is exactly where she needs to be xxx

SacreBlue Wed 12-Jun-13 12:55:54

flowers just posted on teen thread and saw this one - so sad actually to hear so many others have been through this. I was hospitalised as a teen and I am not sure if you will appreciate my input (so do ask for it to be removed if you wish)

I had to go to family therapy after hospital but the therapist I saw 121 was very judgmental of me and the family therapy focused on me 'being the problem' rather than family dynamics or addressing the issues I was facing. I am so glad to hear the hospital you have is a good one and of course I expect things have moved on in the intervening years. Checking out with your DD about how things are going is a good idea as adults are advised to 'shop around' for a 'best fit' therapist and I think that's a good idea for children too.

I was on medication for a long time after but found 121 talking therapy followed by group (of peers rather than the family therapy but that, again, may be better now, and in your area, than my experience) worked really well for me.

Looking back I realise a lot of my anger was at perceived favouritism within the family as well as chemical imbalances so at the time I resented 'help' for other family members (making me the 'bad' one) but I later realised the terrible impact that my suicide attempts had on my siblings and regret inflicting that on them and resenting the support they got.

On a happier note after help I have gone on to have a good life and my experiences have certainly helped me with my DS.

I wish you and your family all the best and will be thinking of you and yours xx

FWIW in later years I have come to respect and love my DP and siblings much more for their love of me at what was an horrific time in my life because I now realise how horrific it was for them too.

TheOriginalNutcracker Fri 14-Jun-13 00:31:07

Hello everyone.

Dd is home, came home yesterday infact. She had an hour long meeting with an emergency camhs worker before ahe was discharged.
We have an appointment next wed with the same worker, and her file has been expedited with our local camhs team, so we sould see them soon too.
Dd is ok, very quiet and very very clingy to me, but otherwise ok.

I spoke to school briefly, and they have said she can have a phased return to school, but i feel they are not quite getting it.
They rang requesting a meeting be arranged with me, dd, head of year, and the pastoral worker that upset dd so much just before she was admitted.
I have already told them that I refuse to deal with that woman any more.

Camhs have said that if school ring me asking about any of dd's absences at school, to refer them to them, and they will authorise it all.

I am not ok, but not great. I am finding the fact that I am dealing with this alone, quite hard to take. I do have family support in the form of my mum, but we don't get on that well and so I feel quite alone.

TheOriginalNutcracker Fri 14-Jun-13 00:31:50

Oh mediaction for dd hasn't ben mentioned btw, so i am assuming they think it isn't approrpriate.

TheOriginalNutcracker Fri 14-Jun-13 00:34:37

I meant i am ok, but not great

piratecat Fri 14-Jun-13 00:46:23

hiya. i am so sorry.
just saw this and am half asleep.
don't get upset about stupid school stuff. i have had so much shit over my dd absences through health. they don't get it and only care about attendance.
i know what its like to be the only one they have to be there for them and i like you struggle with my mental health.
Will pop back tomorrow to see how you are. x

TheOriginalNutcracker Fri 14-Jun-13 02:22:53

Thanks PC. Haven't spoken to you for a while. It's nice to hear from you smile

School are annoying me, and they shouldn't because I am quite a quiet, reserved person, but upset my kids, and piss me off and I wil fight them all the way. As far as I am concerned, this woman is having nothing to do with my dd again, and if school have any problems with dd's absence, I don;t care.

grandmainmypocket Fri 14-Jun-13 02:40:47

Thinking of you. You're daughter's lucky to hsve you.

piratecat Fri 14-Jun-13 10:09:06

how is she today nutty? xx and how are you

3littlefrogs Fri 14-Jun-13 10:23:42

I wouldn't even think about sending her back to school. It sounds as if the school is the cause of her problems.

Maybe focussing on getting her a bit better, then a change of school would be a better plan.

Different scenario, but DS1 was suicidal due to bullying at primary school. We had counselling, part time return to school, but in the end, taking him out and sending him to a different school was the thing that turned our lives around.

piratecat Fri 14-Jun-13 10:24:45

3littlefrogs your poor ds, so glad he his doing better at the new school.

mummytime Fri 14-Jun-13 10:25:50

Don't worry about school if you have CAMHS on your side there is nothing they can do really. Did CAHMS give you emergency phone nos. etc?
Actually can you put something in writing referring them to CAHMs, and if they give you more hassle, then write/email saying the phone calls are harassment and enclose a copy of the first letter referring them to CAHMS (I would also at that stage copy in a Governor).

LilRedWG Fri 14-Jun-13 10:35:43

Refer school to CAHMs.

chimchar Fri 14-Jun-13 11:05:34

So sorry to read about your daughter.

I hope she (and you) are feeling a little better now she has some help coming her way.

I would write a note to the school saying that your dd is not well, is under the care of CAMHS and that she won't be in for the coming weeks. You will be in touch when she is ready for a phased return.

In my area, it would be the Attendance officer who would visit you... they are the "goodies" as it were, and will go between you and school to arrange a satisfactory compromise. In my experience, if you have kept school informed of what's going on, you have done what you can.

good luck to's a little hug too. ((())) x

TheOriginalNutcracker Fri 14-Jun-13 11:44:58

Dd does want to try and return to school, but we have sat down and looked at her timetable and there are some lessons that she won't be doing when she is in Yr 9 in Sept, so there is little point in her going to those now anyway.

I have spoken to school again today and I am meeting with them next tuesday. They wanted the astoral worker that upset dd in on the meeting but I said no way, and they have said ok.

Camhs are sending me two copies of the letter they are sending to our local camhs team, and so I school can have one of those.

Dd is quite bright today. Took her out for breakast at Asda, so she isn't just sat in the house all day.
If the phased return to school doesn't work for whatever reason, I will pull dd out of there permanently and look for another school.

I am ok, tired and a bit down but trying to remain positive and upbeat for dd.

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