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Mumsnetters aren't necessarily qualified to help if your child is unwell. If you have any serious medical concerns, we would urge you to consult your GP.

Dd2 (13) saying she can't do this anymore and wants to be dead. No gp appointments left for today, what do i do ?

(58 Posts)
TheOriginalNutcracker Tue 11-Jun-13 11:21:10

She is suffering from depression and anxiety (imo) and has been referred to camhs, but our appointment isn't until 25th June.

Have had an awful morning with her and I don't know what to do anymore.

mirry2 Tue 11-Jun-13 11:24:59

Is there a nurse she could see at the surgery? Or could you ask for a GP telephone appointment today?
I would also ring up CAMHS to tell them she's suicidal.
Another idea is to ring up the Samaritans or even Childline- or see if she will.

MagicBaguette Tue 11-Jun-13 11:26:34

Your poor DD. I've been in a similar situation to her and am really feeling for you both.

It sounds as though things are pretty desperate. Give the Samaritans a call and they will be able to advise you on what to do.

Or, if you feel as though your DD is at risk of harming herself, take her to A&E. Suicidal intentions ARE an emergency, and you will be able to get immediate help there and feel ad though you are in a safe place.


Hadmeathello Tue 11-Jun-13 11:26:58

Could you take her to a&e maybe? Thinking of you both.

TheDeadlyDonkey Tue 11-Jun-13 11:27:24

If you have a number for CAMHS, ring them and speak to them.
Can you retry the GP and explain how urgent it is?

Witchesbrewandbiscuits Tue 11-Jun-13 11:27:44

how are things at school? thanks

Summerloading Tue 11-Jun-13 11:28:06

Hello, I'm so sorry to hear this. Does your surgery offer emergency appointments? Alternatively you may be able to book a phone call.

It may also be worth phoning CAHMS to see if they can see you today.

It's so hard seeing our dc suffering. My dd has been through something similar. She has a dx of Asperger's and PDA.

Does your dd have a dx? Are ther any support groups or charities nearby you can turn to?

Twitterqueen Tue 11-Jun-13 11:29:44

Local phsychotherapist? I know it's a lot of money but she obviously needs to talk to someone very quickly.

Also of course as above - Childline, Samaritans


I've had the same with my daughter - but never threatening to end it all.. poor girl and poor you. It WILL pass

TheOriginalNutcracker Tue 11-Jun-13 11:41:22

Thanks all. Have rung gp again and they said to ring back at 2pm and they will book an emergency appointment for later today.

Is that ok, do you think, to wait until then I mean ? She is with me, in the same room, and not leaving my sight.

She has no diagnosis yet no, as we've only seen the gp up until now, who has been loely to her, but not done anything other than refer her on.

I found out a few weeks ago that she'd been self harming (cutting her arms), and on that same day she also started having panic attacks.
She hates her life she says. She is chronically shy and this is hugely affecting her ability to participate in day to day life.
She says she has no friends, she is fat, ugly, thick etc.

She has refused to go to school recently, and we had one meeting with school, and then dd did go for a few days, but now she refused again today. A pastoral member of staff spoke to her oer the phone, but wasn't very nice (told her i was going to start getting fined, and people from school would come to the house), and dd ended u crying and throwing the phone at me.

She is also becoming very volatile and hitting her siblings ad throwing things around.

mirry2 Tue 11-Jun-13 11:46:00

Op flowers I was that child once. All i can say is that I believe the dispair she feels will come to an end one day. just have faith and show her how much you care.

TheOriginalNutcracker Tue 11-Jun-13 11:59:21

Thankyou Mirry x

Snazzywaitingforsummer Tue 11-Jun-13 12:08:33

I know you have the GP appt now but in case that doesn't work out for any reason, I temped for CAHMS years ago and I am sure they had an emergency service for moments like this where a child is threatening serious self harm. Do ring them if you need to. Wishing you lots of strength to get through the day in the meantime.

monikar Tue 11-Jun-13 12:22:13

Oh dear, I'm so sorry you are going through this at the moment. Your poor DD and poor you.

You have done the right thing and have everything in hand. In answer to your question 'is it ok to wait until then' then I think the answer is yes. Just keep her with you as you are doing - just having you with her will provide her with reassurance.

If you feel seriously concerned at any time that she may harm herself, you always have the option of phoning for an ambulance. Just having that at the back of your mind may make the waiting a little easier.


TheOriginalNutcracker Tue 11-Jun-13 12:52:45

Thank you. I will ring cahms once I know what time our gp appointment is later.

I am slightly worried that they may want to admit her somewhere. Is that likely does anyone know ? If they asked if i thought she was a danger to herself or anyone else then I think i'd have to answer yes at the moment.

They haven't mentioned medicating her yet either, and I am starting to think it should be an option.

Fairylea Tue 11-Jun-13 13:04:28

I was your dd once. For me a lot of it was linked to friendship problems at school / lack of friends. I missed the whole of year 8 at school more or less (in the end they sent work home, could they do this?) And then I started another school in year 9. Would that be an option? Maybe a fresh start might be what she needs.

Also, I realise this might be a silly idea but would you be able to do something totally fun with her today to remind her that life is worth living? Cinema, shopping, lunch out whatever else.. something physical would be good maybe even bowling or ice skating. I know that probably sounds ridiculous but sometimes for a depressed young teen its about breaking the barriers and trying to show them there's more to life than school. (My mum took me on a short holiday to a very cheap youth hostel with her for 3 days, lots of walking .... sounds cheesy but exercise really does help lift depression along with medication and counselling).

I really feel for you both. It's not an easy time.

If you want to do the cinema trip on Wednesday I have orange Wednesdays so you can have 2 tickets for the price of 1. Just inbox me and I will be glad to let you have my code. X

Fairylea Tue 11-Jun-13 13:06:19

Meant to add medication really helped me. Along with visits to a psychologist. However I got very angry when I realised the psychologist was writing updates to my mum. As a mum now I understand this but at the time I was livid and refused to go back. Just something to bear in mind.

TheOrchardKeeper Tue 11-Jun-13 13:20:16

Being admitted can be the best thing.

It was for me.

I self harmed from 13 to 17 and then tried to kill myself. I was asked if i'd go in voluntarily and agreed (so I wasn't sectioned). I got 6 weeks of CBT (for the self harming) and a bit for the depressive thinking and was put on meds.

I firmly believe that those 6 weeks saved my life smile

(and i'm now a very happy 22 year old doing a degree with a 2 year old, so it's not an indicator of how her adult life will be) thanks

vitaminC Tue 11-Jun-13 13:27:37

I went through this when my DD was 11 1/2. In the end, after several months of it escalating and being fobbed off, I put her in the car one day and drove to casualty at the local children's hospital.

I told the staff I was no longer able to ensure her own safety or that of my other children and that I wouldn't be leaving until they found her a bed and admitted her!

After several hours, they told me they'd be keeping her in casualty overnight, then admitting her to a paediatric psychiatric unit the following day.

She was an in-patient for 3 months, but it did her the world of good!
She now (at 14) communicates and will come to talk to me well before things get out of hand and we have a pretty good relationship!

Don't give up hope, but be the squeeky wheel until your DD gets the help she needs!

Longtallsally Tue 11-Jun-13 13:29:14

Just wanted to add that you can tell her that it is entirely normal to feel like this. She is not alone in going through this - many, many people who have suffered from depression have felt as she does now but have come through it to live happy and fulfilled lives. Depression in teenagers is particularly powerful, because of all those hormones amplifying every feeling you have, so it feels horrible, but you can get through it.

When you are depressed, every worry piles on top of your other feelings and you just feel sh*t about everything. Part of the treatment of depression is to help you see that X or Y or z may be upsetting/wrong (or even X, Y, and Z - but once you have separated out the things that are really getting you down, you can work on those problems. At the moment, they are all tangled up and feel far more powerful than they will do, once she has some help.

Hope that helps. (You will want to give her lots of hugs at the moment, but IME hugs aren't always very helpful when you feel this low.) Sending a virtual hug for you both.

TheOriginalNutcracker Tue 11-Jun-13 13:34:31

I have suggested we go out to the cafe for a hot choc, but dd won't.

Thanks for the offer of the voucher fairylee, thats very kind of you, and if we make some progress I might just take you up on it.

I am really scared of them admitting her somewhere, although like you have all said I think it would give her the intense help she needs. I think she'd hate me for it though. Being seperated from me is one of her issues.

Trouble is, she is the same size as me (well heightwise) and if she goes for dd1 or ds any worse than she already has done, i'm not sure i could stop her. Likewise if she hurt herself.

TheOriginalNutcracker Tue 11-Jun-13 13:35:55

I suffered from depression as a teen, so I do know how she feels somewhat.

TheOriginalNutcracker Tue 11-Jun-13 13:38:46

If i forget to thank anyone or it looks like I haven't noticed what you'e said, then apologies, I am a bit all over the place at the moment.

vitaminC Tue 11-Jun-13 13:43:44

OP, my daughter hated being separated from me, too, but in the end that was what helped her open up and start talking.

At first, she was not allowed visitors for a whole week, then each parent for 1 hour per week! After 3 weeks it was a couple of hours twice a week, then gradually built up to her being allowed home for an afternoon, overnight and finally a whole weekend, before being discharged.

They also arranged for her to transition back into school by attending a special unit (off-site) for children with social phobias etc., which she continued attending after leaving the hospital, until the end of that school year.

Please don't be to harsh on yourself, and once you've got your daughter the help she needs, don't forget to take care of yourself, too! flowers

TheOriginalNutcracker Tue 11-Jun-13 13:45:47

Thank you Vitamin smile

I take anti depressants myself but I am aware that I am struggling a little atm, so might have to go and see about having them increased for a while.

MagicBaguette Tue 11-Jun-13 14:55:28

Keep us updated, Nutcracker.

Remember to look after yourself too - your DD is the priority, but if you're feeling strong it will help her even more.

You're doing the right thing smile

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