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selective mutism - any experience with this?

(32 Posts)
Jokat Thu 06-Dec-12 22:30:30

My dd1 (just turned 4) has been in pre-school since the age of 2.5. After ten months, her key worker talked to me about her not ever having spoken to any of the children, even though she was happily talking to several of the teachers and also in the presence of the other children, only her speech was never directed at them.
She does have several normal friendships with girls and boys who are my friend's children and chats with them freely and chirpily.
The teachers at pre-school have tried everything they can think of, incl. sticker charts, forming very small groups for activities etc to get her to talk to other kids there. Last year, she did finally start talking to a little boy who loved her so much that he never gave up and talked at her endlessly until she "gave in". He was the only one, apart from a little girl who she talked to on a few occasions when the little boy wasn't there. He then went on to big school in September.
This school year she befriended a pair of twins, and while she played with them often, and they often held each others' hands, giggled, laughed and sat together, she did not speak to either of them until this week. (I was sooo happy, and so was she! grin) She mentions other children to me occasionally, but doesn't ever speak to them.
Anyway, I have been looking into selective mutism and she seems to tick quite a few boxes. Our occupational therapist (dd has got cp as well) has arranged for us to get onto the waiting list for speech and language therapy as I heard they would be the relevant people to get in touch with.
I would love to hear from anyone who has dealt with selective mutism before, to hear how and by whom it was diagnosed, who got involved to deal with the issue (speech and laguage therapists or educational psychologists?), and how your dc got supported in school if at all?
Thank you very much for reading. X

Jokat Tue 12-Mar-13 15:49:01

Today, dd spoke to a little girl at pre-school (someone other than the twin girl), yay!!! She had mentioned her a lot recently and I had just arranged a playdate with her mother for next week. I am convinced that knowing this girl will play with her outside pre-school has given her the needed courage, for whatever reason! I'm so happy grin

SummerRainIsADistantMemory Mon 11-Mar-13 22:30:16

Up until she was 4 dd never spoke a single word to anyone apart from family. She went through playschool never saying a word to teachers, although she did gradually start speaking to classmates towards the end.

She came out of herself in school, although she's 8 now and teachers still describe her as very shy and quiet and she has to be prompted to speak in social situations.

Selective mutism is sometimes best treated by not being treated iyswim? Drawing attention to it can just intensify the fear for the child. Often the best approach is just to ignore it and try and boost confidence in other ways.

Jokat Mon 11-Mar-13 22:21:38

Just ordered the book, it has certainly got very impressive reviews!

Jokat Mon 11-Mar-13 22:07:01

That's good to hear Greg. It's nice to see that your dd's school is being pro-active and wants to help, whithout someone making them, iykwim. Looks like I'm on the right path. DD had her hearing checked for the first few years of her life, but was eventually discharged a while ago. Our community peadiatrician sees her regularly as she was very premature and can't see any other problem going on, and we now have an appointment in late April to see a SaLT.

Thank you cilldara, I'll have a look at the link.

cilldara Mon 11-Mar-13 21:37:18

Have used the approaches in this manual with great success with 4/5 year olds I have taught over the years.

GregBishopsBottomBitch Mon 11-Mar-13 21:34:30

Also, my daughter will talk happily to children and certain adults, but she doesnt like talking to alot of adults, it makes her really stressed and tense.

GregBishopsBottomBitch Mon 11-Mar-13 21:30:59

It was school that started it, because they had concerns (shes 5), so she got referred for hearing, paedatrics and Speech and Language Therapy, hearing was fine, Paed Doc said he could see nothing wrong with her, like autism and the like, S and L person, went to see her at school, and has written in report that is what my DD has, so hopefully now it she can get the help she needs, but right now, since its a diagnosis was a week ago, not much has been done yet, hopefully the school will have a better idea of how to deal with her, because at homes shes fine with me.

Jokat Mon 11-Mar-13 21:23:58

Greg could you share how your dd got diagnosed, i.e. who you approached when you first realized there was a problem and how things went from there?

GregBishopsBottomBitch Mon 11-Mar-13 20:14:20

My daughter has just been diagnosed with this, she refuses to talk more than a few words at school.

Jokat Tue 15-Jan-13 14:28:41

Thank you charitymum, I have had a look there already.

charitymum Mon 07-Jan-13 13:40:54

Hi if you have not looked already try

Jokat Sun 06-Jan-13 22:28:12

Yes HotBurrito1 I feel quite bad now that we tried the sticker charts etc, but at the time we just couldn't think of anything else that was left to try and at the time we thought it wouldn't hurt to to give it a go. It's also very hard not to be excited when she talks, because she is so proud of herself when she has talked to someone (e.g., over the last few weeks she has also talked for the first time to her cousins and my SIL, and also to my mum over the phone and skype), she goes on about it for many days afterwards, bursting with pride! But I do manage not to voice any expectations wrt the talking any more.
olivo, our paed is lovely and has looked after dd since she was less than a year old. DD was born very prematurely and has a fairly mild form of spastic diplegia, hence the pending routine appointment. I'm sure he'll be supportive, as are our lovely physio and OT who arranged the referral to SALT. So I'm quite optimistic, just hope the SALT has some experience of selective mutism so that she can make an informed judgment on what we are dealing with.

olivo Sun 06-Jan-13 13:24:20

Good luck jokat. The HCps I saw were pretty supportive but I got a lot of eye rolling and just leave her to it, from some family and friends who think I'm being pushyangry and PFB ( she's not my first wink) She is summer born too so h enough against her starting school as a young one.

Hope your Paed is on your side, they should get your the support you need.

HotBurrito1 Sun 06-Jan-13 11:46:46

Yy to the no pressure, no big deal approach outlined by others. Have seen it work with a few kids in nursery. It's lovely to just react all casually when they finally start speaking up.

Jokat Sun 06-Jan-13 09:28:54

I see. That sounds like a great support system! So maybe my dd will get sufficient support, too, once she is under SALT (if it's still necessary by the time we finally get to the top of the waiting list lol). I should find out at the appointment with her paed later this month. Thank you for sharing olivo.

olivo Sun 06-Jan-13 08:51:00

DD has been under SALT since about 22 months as we thought she had a speech delay. That part was easy, I phoned the HV and she made the referral for me. Lots of DDs support has been SALT going to nursery to work with her key workers and giving them strategies to encourage her speech. I have also attended sessions aimed at this too.

W are not in Uk so not sure about statements, but SALT will work with her new school and the SENCo is already aware that there may be issues. I think she will be logged as a reluctant speaker for now.

Jokat Sat 05-Jan-13 23:17:29

olivo, how easy did you find it to get the SALT on board and not just get fobbed off with the explanation that she's probably just very shy? (This is what the inclusion officers said who reluctantly came to dd's pre-school when asked for help by the staff)
And have you contemplated trying to get a statement for your dd when she starts primary school, so that she will get support wrt her communication skills?

olivo Sat 05-Jan-13 19:54:32

Hi jokat. I have read your thread with interest as we are currently watching DD aged 3.4 very carefully. At the moment she would be termed as a 'reluctant speaker' but her SALT has worked hugely with the nursery to get her to this point, and we are worried about the transition to school. Her key workers have been brilliant with her, I am hoping her reception teachers will be just as good. The thing I find the hardest are the comments from other parents- we go to parties etc and she doesn't utter a word, even to me. I have persisted though, as advised, as she is not distressed by them. Same with playdates, although there now one or two ver yclose friends in whose prince she will speak.

Jokat Thu 03-Jan-13 13:45:56

That's reassuring to hear. Yes she is a right old chatterbox at home and at grandparents' and family friends' houses!
We have an appointment with her paediatrician later this month (routine check-up) so I'll see what he thinks. And we're still on the speech and language therapy waiting list.

StanleyLambchop Thu 03-Jan-13 12:02:50

My DD had this in reception & Yr1. Spke to the other children ok, but not to adults at school. In yr2 she had a very kind and understanding teacher who did not force her to speak at all, and did not make a big deal if she did not. Eventually she started to speak a bit, in small groups. It carried on from there, and by the summer term yr2 she was chosen to represent the infants in a public speaking competition. So do not get too worried as yet- some children just seem to take longer to find their feet. Presumably she talks ok at home? (My DD would not shut up at home, we did not recognise this quiet non-speaking child that the school described!!!)

Jokat Fri 07-Dec-12 21:34:20

Wallace and Whistlingwaves that must be heart warming smile
When I found out on Monday that dd had spoken to her school friend (a girl twin) for the first time that session, I almost welled up! And then again when she spoke to the twin brother the very next day... It probably helped that I had successfully invited the twins to dd's birthday party last month, and I'm determined to make sure I arrange playdates for dd once she starts big school, so that she gets to spend some time with her class mates outside the school setting.

Whistlingwaves Fri 07-Dec-12 21:12:10

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Wallace Fri 07-Dec-12 21:08:14

My dd had SM throughout nursery and into primary 1. No pressure was put on her to speak and she had a few cards to say when she needed the loo or she felt ill. The classroom assistant knew sign language so the whole class was taught songs etc with sign language so dd could join in.

Halfway through P1 (age 5.5) she started speaking a little. She is now in P7 (last year of Primary) and speaks confidently and clearly in front of the whole school grin

Jokat Fri 07-Dec-12 20:25:33

Thank you Diamonds, just had a look, it's very helpful!

DiamondsRaGirlsBestfriend Fri 07-Dec-12 20:12:57

this might be useful info

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