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Your opinion please!

(3 Posts)
siski Wed 10-Jun-09 17:27:28

Hi, I would love some brutal and honest comments on this rhyme I've written. I'm hoping to get it published, maybe, and I know mumsnet users would be the people who could, potentially, enjoy the book. I've got illustrations to go with it too. I hope you like it, but if it's a load of rubbish, please do tell me so!

Spiky Mr Hedgehog,
Used a garden rake,
To comb his pointy prickles,
Flat as a glassy lake. 

But when his hedgehog wife,
Glimpsed her husband's hair,
She giggled like a schoolgirl,
And asked, "Did you do it for a dare?" 

Well, those words of Mrs Hedgehog's,
They caused him frightful pain,
For he rather liked his brand-new look,
And thought she’d feel the same.

Mrs Hedgehog begged, "Forgive me,"
And kissed his shiny nose.
"It's just that your new hair style,
Simply doesn't match your clothes!" 

She pointed to his trousers,
Coloured purple, green and white.
Then pulled upon his waistcoat,
Which was really rather tight!

At this her husband beamed a smile,
For he realised she was teasing.
Mrs Hedgehog's style was, after all,
Not what you'd call most pleasing.

She wore a stripy jumper,
Bought at a jumble sale.
A mini-skirt of sky-blue-pink,
And a tatty looking veil 

Right then Mr Hedgehog laughed out loud,
And she, she laughed some more.
Eventually they fell in a heap,
Upon the kitchen floor.

Mr Hedgehog wiped his streaming eyes,
then Mrs Hedgehog did the same.
And as she dabbed, she said,
"I'm glad I took your name..." 

"I knew I was right to marry you,
With this here wedding band,
You are my ideal hedgehog!”
And with that she squeezed his hand.

vaseofwildflowers Wed 10-Jun-09 17:42:47

Lovely, although what market/ children/adult?

I would say self publish for friends and family as there is not a big market for poetry (difficult to translate for the international market I've been told)and you'd need an agent which can be as difficult to find as a publisher.

Good luck, it certainly is sweet and I'm sure the illustrations would look lovely.

Remember Mn have rights over what you print here.

siski Wed 10-Jun-09 17:48:52

Oooh good point! I'll keep the rhymes to myself in future! I do have an agent, but I've been working on adult books (non-fiction) and would like to branch out into kids stuff (wouldn't it be a dream job?). I just really wanted some real feedback before I made an idiot of myself by presenting it!

I was thinking the 2-4 age group. I know there's no money to be made in the kids' market, unless you're a genius, but it would be a labour of love for me.

Thanks so much for your input!

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