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Just caught our Au pair going through our personal stuff

(75 Posts)
celtic66 Thu 28-Jul-05 21:00:45

After being out most of the day I walk into my bedroom to find our Au pair hastily leaving the room all flustered. I didn't think anything of it after all she could have been putting ironing on the bed ( she wasn't) then I noticed drawers left half open and papers on the floor.

I am really annoyed I feel like my privacy has been invaded. I have not said anything as yet because i'm sure she will deny it, there has been no one in the house today only her.

I have not noticed anything missing but she is really nosiey as she looks at our files on the computer.

I feel like i should say something, if she can stoop to this what else does she do? my MIL said leave it and see what happens because she's only here for the summer.

Any suggestions?

hunkermunker Thu 28-Jul-05 21:03:15



No idea how to approach it, but this isn't on!

I'd be tempted to put "keep your prying eyes out of our personal stuff" in big letters on a word doc, then save it with a provocative title...for the next time she has a snoop!

hermykne Thu 28-Jul-05 21:24:54

i dont think i'd hang around waiting for the next time, you dont need to be on the "look out" for her as well as all your other parental things, work etc in oyur life,
discuss asap and deal with her her.

do oyu really need her?

HellyBelly Thu 28-Jul-05 21:26:44

Well out of order!!

chicagomum Thu 28-Jul-05 21:32:19

if you are absolutely sure she was going through your things confront her, as you say nothings missing, but it is still totally out of order, this person is living in your house and even though its only for the summer you still have to be able to trust the person who is caring for your child/children and feel comfortable in your own home

CarolinaMoon Thu 28-Jul-05 22:06:48

Is she v young celtic? It's really immature behaviour.

I would def say something - just tell her to stay out of things that aren't hers, just because she's staying with you doesn't mean she can treat it as her own house. I wouldn't give her the opportunity of denying or admitting it - you know what she's doing anyway.

It's prob not malicious, but I think you're right to feel so annoyed when you've trusted her to be in your house alone.

celtic66 Thu 28-Jul-05 23:34:22

She seems mature and responsible and does above what is expected especially with housework she has very little input with the children.
she doesn't seem to want to get to know the other Au pairs nearby and prefers to go and do things on her own.

Most of the time she around the house, sunbathing in the garden or on the computer, so I think she must get bored. If my MIL wasn't with me ( she reminded me I was angry and should think about it) I would have asked her what she was doing.

BadHair Thu 28-Jul-05 23:46:44

I would pointedly remind her that if she can't find something it would be quicker to ring you to ask rather than waste her undoubtedly valuable time hunting in inappropriate places. Say it sweetly but archly if that makes sense.
And I'd do it tomorrow. You don't know what else she's been looking at.

Chandra Thu 28-Jul-05 23:56:04

It may seem a bit excesive but I wouldn't be able to trust again anybody who I found going through my papers without my permission. Having said that, I think that if she was working in an office and her boss found her rummaging at her desk she would surely be fired. After all, you only get to a position of responsability becuse your boss can trust you.

celtic66 Fri 29-Jul-05 00:03:11

That the way I feel now that trust has gone. We would never dream of going into her room without asking.

Chandra Fri 29-Jul-05 00:16:55

How long has she been with you? is she still going to be around for some time? I would hate having to lock sensitive things up, but probably a serious chat tomorrow morning to specify that behaviour won't be tolerated (and a lock) may work until she get your trust again (if she does).

celtic66 Fri 29-Jul-05 00:18:41

Hemy-I do need an extra pair of hands with DH working away some of the time. If I'm honest i have not really warmed to her, she moans about Englsh food, the weather, never smiles. However She does like DH she always joking and talking football

Chandra Fri 29-Jul-05 00:20:50

mmmh, I would be areful about it.... What your DH thinks about this?

celtic66 Fri 29-Jul-05 00:25:19

she been here 5 weeks and staying another 4wk.

Chandra Fri 29-Jul-05 00:31:11

Is not that bad then Celtic, talk to her tomorrow and be clear about how bad you find that behaviour and that you won't tolerate a second time. And be careful with your things until she leaves, just in case.

LittleStarsweeper Fri 29-Jul-05 00:37:22

yeah all that below and keep her busier, shes obviously got too much time to think and is probably bored if she is snooping!

goldenoldie Fri 29-Jul-05 08:37:07

Not a good sign - she can't be trusted, get rid of her. I can guarantee things will get worse and not better.

Have to say that I would confront her immediatly. Why do you allow here to look at your files on the computer - if I did this at work - investigating my bosses files I would be sacked on the spot.

piffle Fri 29-Jul-05 09:08:17

Make sure she knows you know what she was doing, tell her unacceptable, one more incident will be terminating her employment and put a lock on the door

edam Fri 29-Jul-05 09:13:11

Do you mean she gets on with dh, or ds? If she's sour normally but laughing and joking with dh maybe she's seen too many of those TV progs about au pairs having affairs with daddies. I'd have a serious word with her.

celtic66 Fri 29-Jul-05 10:25:43

Had a word with her this morning, said she was putting hairdryer back and apologised for not asking ( not true, I have asked her to keep out of my room in future as we don't go in her room with out asking. I am also about to put a password on the computer - she look at me like I was insane.
Then I spoke to DH on the phone - he said he's not surprised and has noticed bank statements left out in the study and said its sounds ridulous and paranoid but he thought the same. On reflection she is extremely nosiey and evidently no respect.

After speaking to DH I wish I made things a bit clearer to her now.

I am going to think about the best way to get rid of her sooner with any fuss.

mishmash Fri 29-Jul-05 10:27:48

Celtic66 - didn't get to read all of this. I would not tolerate this in any shape or form - get rid - do you have a confidentiality clause in her contract?

celtic66 Fri 29-Jul-05 10:33:41

i don't have a confidentiality clause, its just standard AP Agreement with information/ houserules

Chandra Fri 29-Jul-05 11:36:26

If she also has been looking at your bank statements I would get rid of her ASAP and re order credit cards etc., what if she has already got enough information to comit fraud? She only need the number of your credit cards and address to start ordering goodies from the internet

morningpaper Fri 29-Jul-05 11:39:23

If she's just sunbathing and on the computer all day can't you get rid of her and get a cleaner in instead, or something?

dizzydo Fri 29-Jul-05 15:08:04

Celtic, it's really difficult isnt it when you dont really warm to someone and then you find they are being underhand like that. TBH I have always said AP's do not go into our bedroom for that very reason, that way if you find them coming out of your room there is absolutely no excuse.

I would be inclined to get rid. And stop her using the PC, if she has an issue with it maybe she'll leave and save you the bother.

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