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who should toilet train: parent or nanny?

(38 Posts)
uwila Tue 05-Jul-05 21:13:13

I have a bit of dilemma that I thought I throw out to the mumsnet knowledge base. Nannies and employers alike are more than welcome to comment. I have a 27 month DD and a 6 week old DS. I am going back to work in mid August, whe new nanny will also arrive. The week and a half preceeding that my mum is visiting (as she lives in the states this doesn't happen often). So obviously DD is due for toilet training but I just bought the Gina Ford toilet training book and it says not to toilet train if:
-new baby has arrived in last couple of months
-there has been a change in chilcare arrangements
- When lots of social activities are planned (i.e. visit from my mum)

My dilemma is that I had planned to conquer this chore whilst on maternity leave as i didn't think it would be very nice to save it for the new nanny and say right now your job... But, if I really follow Gina's list, then there is no time I could do this. Also, when my mum is here we are going away for a few days so I really don't want a half toilet trained toddler for the trip.

Shall I proceed to train anyway? Or should I solicit the nanny's help? Do you think this is part of her job? Or would it be really cheecky of me to not do this myself?

Personally, I'm inclined to think it's my job to do this. But, then again, if I'm destined to fail she'll end up doing most of the work anyway.

Heathcliffscathy Tue 05-Jul-05 21:16:33

is your dd dry at night. is she demonstrating that she is totally aware of poo-ing and pee-ing? basically is she asking to use a potty?

if not, i'd leave well alone for a few more months...

RTKangaMummy Tue 05-Jul-05 21:22:40

IMHO I would not take any notice of a book

And take the lead from your DD

There is no point in doing it when DD is not ready

If she is ready yopu can do it in a week

One child I was a nanny to in canada

Her mum wanted to wait til the summer cos very hot weather can run round in knickers very easy

Anyway the little girl wanted to do it in January {thick snow and so thick coats, sallepets or all in ones boots etc.}

Anyway we went with what the DD wanted to do and wasn'treally a problem apart from length of time it took to get undressed etc.

So anyway in answer to your question forget the book and do it when DD is ready.

It will be far easier

JELLYJELLY Tue 05-Jul-05 21:25:03

I would talk to the nanny, i would be quite happy to do this as i childminder but it is very importnant to both follow it not just one doing one thing and the other not following. My other thought is if it is a new nanny your son might not feel very comfortable so it might be best to start it before she (i presume) starts so that he might feel comfortable.

I also recommend getting two potties the same colour, my son wouldnt sit on my mums potty at her house because it was a different colour.

Sorry that i couldnt be more help.

ssd Tue 05-Jul-05 21:25:53

Uwila, I think what with suddenly having a baby brother, a mummy going back to working all day, a new nanny starting and a visit from her gran, your dd has enough to cope with just now! I'd leave the toilet training till all is settled and then tackle it! And once the new nanny is settled I'm sure it won't be a chore for her, but you both must be consistant and do exactly the same things eg. no putting her in pull ups at the weekend as it's easier!!(not that I'm saying you would!!).

ThePrisoner Tue 05-Jul-05 21:26:20

I don't think that you would necessarily be able to decide to toilet train your dd - she may decide for herself that she is not interested!! Definitely wait until she shows some inclination to do it.

When new nanny arrives, I'm sure you wouldn't just say "it's your job" anyway! It's more likely that u would discuss it together and decide together (this is me with my "childminder" hat on, as that's what tends to happen with my minding parents).

JELLYJELLY Tue 05-Jul-05 21:29:48

I would also leave the potty around the house, i had the potty in the bathroom for a little while but he didnt like it so he moved it to his bedroom and now he will go on it. Not such a greta place but it is important that he feels happy.

uwila Tue 05-Jul-05 22:23:41

Yes, perhaps we do have an awful lot going on and it would be best to let DD settle into her new routine with new nanny and then conquer this in late Aug or Sept. It just seems so far away.

I think she is ready... but I'm not sure. She doesn't ask about the potty. She doesn't tell us before she does it. But, we'll ask her if she has "stinky poo" and she knows what we are talking about (although she lies sometimes because she doesn't feel like having her nappy changed).

Oh, and yes of course I could discuss this with forthcoming nanny. But we haven't even met (in person) yet so I expect she would feel obligated to say yes, she'll do it. I just think that would be a bit unfair for me to put her in that position.

Jeez, where are all the nannies when I need them?

nannyjo Tue 05-Jul-05 22:29:58

both take on that role as a joint team i think, it has to be discussed between both parties to agree on the methods of training then lots of communication.

WideWebWitch Tue 05-Jul-05 22:31:33

I'd leave it too, 27 months is fairly young given the changes. I don't have an opinion on whose job it is but the timing is important I think.

WideWebWitch Tue 05-Jul-05 22:31:54

And if you leave it until she's def ready it won't take very long at all.

uwila Tue 05-Jul-05 22:32:28

Oh sorry. Should have clarified that better. I just meant should I do it alone before she arrives or we do it together after she arrives. But, as her hours are 7:00am - 7:00pm Mon-Fri I realise most of the work will be hers.

RTKangaMummy Tue 05-Jul-05 22:34:08

Why aren't our answers good enough??????

Why not phone her up and ask her?

It depends on your DD not on anyone else

If your DD is ready when nany is there then that is when it will happen

If she is a professional it is part of the job

Is she experienced then she will have done it loads of times before

After all if you are at work then she will be doing it anyway

But pleaase do it when she is ready

What about playschool is she going? Do they need her to be dry?

nannyjo Tue 05-Jul-05 22:34:14

long week for her

uwila Tue 05-Jul-05 22:40:50

Nannyjo, no longer than mine.

RTK, no offense meant there. I just thought as it is the nanny that I'm considering here that it would be good to have opinion of other nannies.

SoftFroggie Tue 05-Jul-05 22:42:44

surely toilet training is a normal part of a nanny's job? If you hadn't had your DS, you'd have had a continuing nanny and she'd have been involved. Nannies don't just stop working for you whilst toilet training is going on!

BUT, if you asked the nanny to start toilet training on her first week, I think that would be a little off (as if you'd 'kept' that job for her cos you didn't fancy it yourself). And you'd want to give it a little time for your daughter to settle down with nanny.

uwila Tue 05-Jul-05 22:43:14

RTK, sine your kind enough to take the time to contribute to my thread, do you have a list of what constitutes being ready to potty train? I have to admit I've never done this and I'm really not sure where/when to begin.

SoftFroggie Tue 05-Jul-05 22:43:38

Uwila: I think RTKM was a nanny and is a CM?

RTKangaMummy Tue 05-Jul-05 22:55:48

If you had read my original post you will see:


"One child I was a nanny to in canada

Her mum wanted to wait til the summer cos very hot weather can run round in knickers very easy

Anyway the little girl wanted to do it in January {thick snow and so thick coats, sallepets or all in ones boots etc.}

Anyway we went with what the DD wanted to do and wasn'treally a problem apart from length of time it took to get undressed etc"



Uwilla YES I WAS A NANNY FOR 6 YEARS only stopping to come home from Canada to get married



That is why I felt qualified to answer your question

I have now been a childminder for about 7 years

so in total that is 13 years as a childcare professional

so is that not long enough

How many years has your nanny been working as a childcare proffessional??????

uwila Tue 05-Jul-05 23:00:31

So, do you have a list RTK?

I didn't miss your qualifications, I just like several opions before I make a decision. I really hope you don't find that offensive.

RTKangaMummy Tue 05-Jul-05 23:01:36

Does she tell you about dirty nappies --- sometimes you say

Does she show any interest what you arew doing on the toilet?

has she seen others on the potty or toilet?

get her some potties and put them around the house for her to play with and sit on and put dolly on

read her I WANT MY POTTY deffo brill book

if she goes with out nappy what happens when she wees does she notice or carry on playing

either before bathtime or even when she is in the bath does she notice

If she shows o sign of being interested then leave it

RTKangaMummy Tue 05-Jul-05 23:03:44

It isnt something that follows`a list really

It is just intuition really

That is why you know her best and so it will be obvious

RTKangaMummy Tue 05-Jul-05 23:04:20

Those were just off top of head

mishmash Tue 05-Jul-05 23:06:42

Hi Uwila
Probably no help at all but do go with your instinct - all kids are different - mine were never "trained" as such I just knew they were ready and from the time "I knew" - don't ask how I knew, I just did - they were nappiless day and night.

I did leave them till a bit older - they were all around 3.

RTKangaMummy Tue 05-Jul-05 23:09:33

mishmash that is what I was trying to say

Children don't work according to books or lists

Just experience and instinct

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