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CMs - got to stop having new mindee (all within settling in period) - advice re telling parents........

(29 Posts)
looneytune Mon 09-Nov-09 13:48:18

Hi everyone

I can't believe we're having to do this but we need to get rid (I HATE those words but didn't know what else to call it as not actually giving notice) of a new mindee of ours.

We're in the 4 week 'settling in' period where no actual notice needs to be given by either party. We've not taken this decision likely, will loose lots of money until we fill the space but we really have no choice.

We're trying to decide how to go about it? Ideally we'd tell them at pickup tonight but that's at a time when other parents pick up and others are eating dinner so we're busy sorting all that out. This mindee only comes for half day tomorrow so we could tell them face to face tomorrow at pickup time. Just leaves me with stewing over it all night.

Do you think it would be acceptable to send a notice letter to them once they've left tonight, sent via email (they should go on email anyway as I send a daily diary sheet at the end of every day and they've always read it)? I feel that's wrong because it should be done face to face but it's just bad timing tonight. It's not like they thought about me and my business when they did the things they've done to make me decide to stop working with them.

If I tell them face to face tomorrow, should I follow it up with a formal written notice type letter (although with no notice period as no notice is required).

I feel sick to my stomach thinking about this, I really do. The child is adoreable which makes it all harder but I think it's much fairer on the child to do this now, before they get too settled in.

ANY advice would be great. Feel very

LittleHarrysMum Mon 09-Nov-09 13:57:25

What's the reason behind all this?

4kidsandlovingit Mon 09-Nov-09 14:04:47

Hi, obviously I don`t know the reason behind all of this but I`ve always followed the old saying "do as you would be done by"

I `ve never had to do this myself but I think that from a parents point of view that they should be spoken to face to face.

Put yourself in their shoes, would you like to recieve an e-mail?

If one of your kids was naughty at school would you like to recieve an e-amil about it or would you have preferred someone to tell you. Or if one of your parents was giving you notice would you prefer to recieve an e-mail or be told?

At least if you do tell them you can sleep well tonight and you will probably feel better for it. An e-mail is all very well but what if they dont read it for any reason and then turn up tomorrow as if all is well?

Bite the bullet and tell them. Once its out it the open you can look to putting it all behind you.

Good Luck x

4kidsandlovingit Mon 09-Nov-09 14:06:09

Oh and yes put it in writting as well that way you`ve covered yourself from all angles and possible comebacks.

atworknotworking Mon 09-Nov-09 14:09:10

Looney Is their any background to this one you can share, or has it got to do with your tummy bug outbreak last week?

<hope your feeling better btw>

WRT e-mail I don't think I'd like it, a letter is best then its all written down and clear, is their anyway you could ask for a brief chat in another room while your new assistant grin keeps an eye on the mindees, I think you will be better off getting it over with asap if you have decided. Or failing that a phone call later on this evening.

looneytune Mon 09-Nov-09 14:39:36

Hi everyone

First of all a bit of background.......

Mindee started with me a week ago on Friday for a 2 hours settling in session. Was given a bottle of milk and told that he'd not eaten much breakfast so the milk was just in case he was hungry and wanted it (I presumed sometimes a fussy eater?!). Near the end of the 2 hours, I changed a soiled nappy and thought it was odd as very very pale and quite loose. When dad collected after the 2 hours I mentioned the nappy and said I just wanted to check it was normal as I thought it looked odd but all children are different in that department. This is when dad said mindee was at the tale end of a bug which is why he's off his food but he's much better but mum was at home very very poorly with it. I quite firmly reminded them of the agreement JUST MADE about sickness etc. and that I CANNOT take children who've been ill with a bug in the last 48 hours (they are used to a nanny and I said that it's not the same for me!)

I wasn't happy at the time but thought 'what can I do, hopefully they won't do that again'.

2 days later people started getting ill. To this day at least 11 of us (children and parents) have had it, the last 2 coming down with it only yesterday. I had to close for 2 days as I caught it (cost me £345 plus a loss of overnight stay which was another £50). After seeking advice on here, I wrote a very very firm letter to all parents reminding them of the rules, informing them I'd informed environmental health etc. I got a reply to this (letter attached via email - all parents have commented on this being preferred communication) from all parents, the mum of the new mindee replied informing me that he'd not been ill in the last 48 hours, last time he was sick was the Tuesday.

I can only pressume they are telling the truth about when he was last sick, and I'll give the benefit of the doubt that he was all clear nappy wise too BUT he was still not eating properly, nothing was mentioned about that at drop off, nothing mentioned about him having a bug until I commented on his nappy etc etc. On top of that, I had several emails during the week before he started, some being the days she now said he had the bug, none of which make any reference to him being at all poorly. She DID make reference to my son (who'd recently been ill with Bronchiolitis) and said how horrible it is when they get poorly - surely this would have been perfect time to pre-warn me of an illness?

What makes me more upset is that in September the mum emailed questions to me and one was asking for what reasons I'd give THEM notice. I made it very very clear that I'd once had to give notice to a family due to pretending their children were not sick when they were (I had evidence so this was fact!).

I just feel that they were 'hiding' the illness. Moreso because other things have come up that they'd 'forgot to mention' before. Aswell as that they are haggling with prices and stuff (but would never give notice for that).

I also have been given some inside information on some things but can't comment on these here as it's a third party saying it.

Right, that was long but hopefully gives you an idea.

As for the email.....I meant attaching a formal letter (my printer ran out of bloomin toner at the weekend with no warning so I'm stuffed for a printed letter atm). But yes, I totally see what you're saying about doing it face to face, it's what I first thought anyway.

I just wish I could get it done tonight and not have to wait until tomorrow (can't do another room as the kids will be eating in the kitchen and the lounge will be busy at pickup time. Well, unless I forewarn other mindees mum and say will have to be swift pick up?)

I wish I could do it on the phone but I'd rather face to face than that as I'll probably be unable to speak lol.

Oh god, I hate these things Will do face to face tomorrow then and follow it up with a letter. Wish me luck!!!

pippin26 Mon 09-Nov-09 14:56:28

You do not HAVE to give an explanation for giving notice.

I would give the parents a call and ask them to come a bit earlier if possible or if you could pop round to see them later in the evening.
OR I would give them a letter tonight giving notice.

looneytune Mon 09-Nov-09 15:18:06

Pippin - I know I don't HAVE to but I'd have to for ME iykwim. They've made a nanny redundant to come to me (were waiting for me to have vacancies, been on my waiting list for over a year!) and so will no doubt be very angry about it (as I have been about all the income I've lost and parents being affected!). If I do it face to face how do I put it without saying why? I'd love to be able to but can't see how. I'm pretty sure they'd DEMAND an explanation.

My other concern is if they get heated in front of the children. I suppose I could always ask them to leave the premises immediately if that happens.

Someone else mentioned getting them to come early but I don't think that's possible really. Plus to be honest, it's VERY busy from 4.30pm as I need to cook dinner etc. so a bit earlier wouldn't be great. A bit LATER would be.

Oh I feel sick, wish I didn't but I'm not a 'hard' person so find it hard to not worry

looneytune Mon 09-Nov-09 17:33:49

It's done!

madusa Mon 09-Nov-09 17:46:15

how did it go?

were they reasonable about it?

Fabster Mon 09-Nov-09 17:50:22

How did it go?

looneytune Mon 09-Nov-09 18:01:48

She was shocked then crying I had to stay strong! She was asking if there was ANYTHING to change my mind, offered to pay the loss of earnings etc. but I had to just go with the pit of my stomach feeling and do what I knew was right.

She said about how she'd had all the hassle with getting rid of nanny to come here and I said I felt bad for that but that can't be the reason to change my mind! I feel really really sad about it (had a cry - dh went on duty, he works with me!) but also relieved.

Wasn't going to have a drink tonight but think I will!

Danthe4th Mon 09-Nov-09 18:04:11

I read this last week, did you not give them a letter stating your sickness policy, what did they say? Did you speak to them about when they can and can't send the child?
I presume they are not going to be very happy!!

Fabster Mon 09-Nov-09 18:04:33

Can you say why you had to finish the arrangement or have I missed that you already have?

Danthe4th Mon 09-Nov-09 18:09:15

Oh god feel for you but I can understand why she reacted like that. Are you really blaming her for making 11 people ill? She must feel awful, why will you not reconsider she won't dare send the child again if he is ill.

RumourOfAHurricane Mon 09-Nov-09 18:14:53

Message withdrawn

looneytune Mon 09-Nov-09 18:23:25

No, no, no, you've misunderstood, it wasn't I was blaming HER for the sick bug, god, we get these things and that's life. It was the pretending everything was ok and no mention at all (you'll see if you read further posts). It wasn't just that, there were several other things they they just didn't think to mention but I suppose you'll just have to take my word for that. I only mentioned the sick bit as I'd mentioned that on another thread.

Believe me, I thought long and hard about this and was in a right state but she lied again whilst she was here saying her child wasn't actually sick, just off colour and not eating when the other day she emailed saying the last time he was sick was the Tuesday.

We've had bugs before of course, sometimes thanks to my own ds picking it up from school. I would never get rid of someone just because we all caught a bug from them! I really wish I could say the other stuff but I'm not just doing that so that you lot don't think I'm a horrible cow for doing this!

Danthe4th Mon 09-Nov-09 18:27:53

No we don't think that, it never comes across very well on these threads. You know the facts so don't worry, and go have that drink xx

thebody Mon 09-Nov-09 18:29:15

think much too late to back track and Looney is always a sensible poster so you can take her word that this situation was beyond repair.

when feelings between cm and parent are that bad then notice is the only course of action.

nannynick Mon 09-Nov-09 18:33:29

It's a business decision, you have your reasons and you made the decision that this family was not a good prospect long term for your business. It's during the settling in period, so no big issues - apart from being very upsetting for everyone involved, as you all wanted it to work out.

RumourOfAHurricane Mon 09-Nov-09 18:33:54

Message withdrawn

looneytune Mon 09-Nov-09 18:35:32

Thanks people Sorry if I snapped, I don't like people thinking I'm a horrible person but it's hard to really explain everything on here as don't want to say anything else that could get others into trouble if read.

Anyway, what's done is done. Time to start a fresh.

nannynick Mon 09-Nov-09 18:38:01

When a parent changes from having a nanny to having a childminder, I do wonder if they appreciate the differences. I don't know the ins-n-outs of this case but I do wonder if part of the issue is that this family did have a nanny before... thus thought a CM would be similar?

atworknotworking Mon 09-Nov-09 18:41:28

Looney Chin up chuck, it's over sorry you feel crappy but it will get better, sometimes things just arn't quite right and you have to look at the bigger picture this is why minders have a settling in period.

Hope I didn't pre-empt the sick bug posts as it was me that asked about it. I know that you wouldn't give notice just for something like that, I did notice that you mentioned other things but couldn't mention on here as confidential. As CM's we are quite often privy to personal info that quite frankly we would rather not be, giving notice / terminating contracts is the last resort and no good CM takes this decision lightly.

Have a glass or two and try to relax.
Best wishes to u both X

looneytune Mon 09-Nov-09 18:44:21

Nick - maybe but there are things that were madee VERY clear way before they started and again just before they started and I just had a 'bad feeling' - I don't get that often. To be honest, I think I'd have found the haggling with prices and stuff hard as they are quite direct with stuff. Again, I wouldn't have ever given notice for that reason but I just felt that I'd given them so much (did hours I really didn't want to do which made it hard to fill outside those hours, just because I knew how they'd been waiting for me for SOOOOO long and the child was adoreable etc.). It's everything put together that made me feel this just wasn't going to work. I KNOW this was the right decision in the long run, just wish I had someone else who could deal with that side of the business for me!!!

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